Febvies

I had a really angry dream last night- Which was weird, because I seldom get that agitated in my dreams. Crying, yes-although that too is rare- but not full-on shouting and violence like last night.

Perhaps I could blame these on the books and movies recently, but I'm not sure if that's it.
The thing about waking up from an angry dream is that the anger doesn't really carry forward but you're stunned and just slower than usual, and it doesn't feel good.


.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/12177017/Leap-Year-2016-Why-does-February-have-29-days-every-four-years.html

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IdUMy9HzdWo

The former link is interesting whilst the latter is plain ridiculous and hence, hilarious.
I feel really bad for the guy since he had so much faith in his invention
But you gotta admit, it makes you crack up ahaha

There is always something interesting, something funny, something new.
This is why school is tiring but fun.
This is why, dry as it can be, it can never be all bad- To me, at least.

Currently,
I have only a little practice test and a few more assignments to go.
The last test was over today,
So I suppose that means that I can take it a little easier for the next two weeks.

Whew.
I think I did pretty okay for the first term of 'hell-year'!
Along with SYF, the second CCA I'm joining, and the two volunteering opportunities I've signed up for, PW will be the next onslaught.
All that will kick in soon enough, in April.
So that leaves me with another month of concentrating on SYF and PW individual research- In other words, I have another month of honeymoon to go, before all hell breaks loose.
Sounds fun eh?
I am genuinely looking forward to all that, be that as it may.


Aaaaaand
Now that I'm done going on about the things you aren't interested in,
Here's a little list.

-Kingsman: The Secret Service
I quite liked this movie- Predictable, sprinkled with American humor and action packed, it's something you can switch off onto after a long day, when all you want is to space out and smile at something simple.

-Ted
Yes. I've been wanting to watch this for a long time now, and I'm reaaalllllyyy glad to say that it has not disappointed me. At all.
Crude humor-yes-cheap at times- but nonetheless funny.
It's just so inappropriate and sweet and cute that you can't not love it- Although, I do have to say that choosing not to watch this with the family was one of the best choices I've ever made in my life (haha).
It makes some rather good points, and I really do agree with my Lit tutor that comedy is to be taken seriously, for it is but an intelligent way of expressing one's opinions. Perhaps this makes cheap humor meaningless, but one thing about humor for the sake of humor is that it is sometimes rather funny. (Note: Sometimes. Sometimes.)

-Ted 2
This was still a rather good movie despite me feeling like the divorce was just there for 'Ted 2" to take place. Again, good points were made, and it was understandable that jokes in this weren't as good as the first movie. Still, continuations of movies rarely end well, and I think this movie did a pretty great job with regards to that, so that was a plus.

-San Andreas
I had high hopes for this one. And yes, it didn't fail my expectations, though after a while it did feel a little like obstacles were being put in place just so the movie can go on. It was like a "They're gonna mak- Oh wait. AHHHHH. OH NOO! Oh. Okay. They're fi- WAIT. NOOOOOOOOO"
Yeah.
Excuse me for my lack of a better explanation.

-Taken
This one though.
I really really liked it!
"I told you I would find you."
I just- I just started clapping my hands in glee when the guy beat every single one of them up after saying that one line. Also when he electrocuted the other person to death. Also- Every scene really.
You would think that after meeting someone like my Lit tutor I would not think another old man to be cool, but no.
Old people can be pretty badass, and the guy in Taken is just insanity and fatherly love meshed together in one lovely witch's concoction.

-Hitman: Agent 47
It looked interesting enough, but it turned out to be a dull and predictable ride after.
I guess certain ideas are too overused to be good enough in a movie anymore- Unless you have great character development and humor, and something original amidst all that standard plot points.

-Guradians of the Galaxy
I heard great things about this one, and while yes, it was good and all.. It was.. Again,predictable, with jokes I didn't find funny, and it was just boring to me.
The makeup, effects and acting were all rather cool though, so I'm not dissing this movie or anything. I just didn't find it original enough to have my attention hooked by it.

Hmmmm
I think that's it.

Right now I'm trying to complete three short reads before I do my February Wrap-up for books (yeah we're going with that mainstream name because this person here isn't creative enough to come up with a better name for the monthly lists. Feebs maybe, for 'February Reads', or Febvies, but it just sounds plain weird doesn't it.)
And yeah I don't care that technically these short reads are under March because I just can't stand not completing what I set out to do.

That's it folks.
I shall be back with pretty much the same brain and heart, only a few days older-by the time I publish the next post.

In the name of drama.

The time has finally come for me to act sexy.

All those times its creeped up on me and I managed to skirt round it..

All those times.

It is now finally time to face it head on-

Not too much though, just a little towards the end.
I've got it better than the guy does (heheh)

Ended up searching for tutorials on the net and chancing upon some rather cringey videos..

The net is an interesting place.

Sexual tension and chemistry is challenging stuff,

But I ain't calling it quits.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Jwgf3wmiA04

You know how naturally flirtatious and tactful I am don't you?

This will be such a breeze.

Take a deep breath- There you go.

It's been well over a year now

You now have a girlfriend of course
Beautiful and talented, that's for sure

I guess I just wanted to say to myself
That this first crush was the right one
That it was wonderful waterfalls of emotions I held for you.

Now,
It is finally time to flick that switch
To the 'off' setting
This torch mustn't be carried any longer.


.
This year, you have things to focus on.
There are things you want to do.
Therefore you will not crush on him anymore-
You shall not be attracted to anyone else either.

So please don't approach
Don't ask for anything yet.

There's amazing things out there to be experienced,
There's great things out there that you want to be aiming for.

Thus you will not look in that direction
Until two years later.

Never have you been one to rush,
And that's not the issue here- It's just a little post to remind yourself of something greater.

Let's read the script again.

It always feels like it's too little

Or too much

Socializing, I mean.

I try, I do.

It's not the main thing anymore

But I still should put effort into it shouldn't I

It's always too little

Or too much.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ngORmvyvAaI

Side note: Wonderful day today; I love cca. I love the people in it. Can't wait for Wednesday! ^~^

Living in a bubble.

It continually surprises me how easily they discuss difficult topics, and how well they know me.

I avoid revelations if it ain't obvious already
So it was crazy how spot on she was- 'Sex before marriage for you will have to be with a long-term partner. Otherwise, it'll wreck you.'
Goodness gracious.
I could only stare at her and hope she got the telepathic message that I think her analyzing skills amazing.

Maybe choosing safety in conversations makes you think that you aren't readable.
But of course we are; everything's revealing if someone else pays enough attention.


I am conservative aren't I
Many of us are
This isn't something you conclude or even think about
Perhaps the usage of the word 'wreck' to phrase this is rather appropriate- I can imagine how it'd be like.


They did think that I for sure would have sex before marriage tho
And that wasn't that accurate
This is
An unknown for me

No is the most probable answer
But heh, you aren't interested in that are you.



.
And you, reader?
Do you think of virginity as a sacred asset, only to be given to the right person of a life time?
Do you think it something casual, something on the passage to pleasure?
Do you think of sex as a way of strengthening your relationship, a dimension necessary and undeniable?

Are your values shaped by religion, what you're taught, or what you yourself think?

There is one thing, though, that all of them have been honest about: Handwriting, and the horrendous illegibility of it.

I think,
That you learn the most when a tutor flashes every single student's work on the visualizer and critiques it to the point where most of us hang our heads in shame and there's a sizzling discomfort in the air.

I think,
That he doesn't have anything against any of us (Afterall, I have had first hand experience of being picked on before. This.. Isn't that. I'm pretty sure. But maybe, just maybe, it's only little me. I can't speak for all, but my sense tells me he isn't that.)
And really, harshness now is much better than honesty later.
Because he knows as well as we do, that marks matter way too much right now
And we can't afford niceties in place of brutal truth, for there isn't enough time.

I think,
That as a student you really can't take comments regarding your work personally
Or you should- Afterall, it is your work and you gotta learn from it to take away something
But worrying about what he thinks of you/the cutting remarks isn't gonna get you anywhere



Frankly speaking I was happy- truthfully so,
When he flashed mine on the screen and called it a perfect example of a badly inserted quote.
Once returned, one can see just how much thought went into it- the ticks and the question marks, the arrows and the insightful comments.

Truth be told I haven't ever received an essay marked to such an extent
Nor have I ever had my work flashed on the screen and not been praised for it (I know how this sounds but that's not what I mean. Here in my school teachers care too much about our little hearts and you just end up not knowing exactly what it is you did wrong, and what detailed flaws you have in your writing. If it ain't good it ain't shown to everyone and if it is shown its often anonymous. It just isn't a daily occurrence that every single student's work is so highly valued and thus, critiqued. And so that was refreshing. And so it is lovable- I learnt so much over the span of this month it makes me question what I've been doing in the past.)
I know that incoherence is my worst flaw, and that expression isn't my strongest point.
It is a need that I know, exactly, how terrible it actually is. And so this was really good for me- for all of us.

People say that whatever's shared within cca or the classroom should remain in there,
And I agree.
I hope this (and the other posts) isn't a breaching of that, because I haven't divulged any names or specified anything.
It's just that wonderful things are meant to be shared, just as heavy ones are
And I just really wanted to praise this tutor's surprising way of teaching.

Sidetracking a little, this is what I'd call delicious music. Mmmm!

Changes.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PAzH-YAlFYc

Mundane is beautiful
Repetition is alright
Standard predictability is stretching it a little.

So, you gotta wait.

Till there's something good and new to say,
Till a different thinking arises,
Till there's an improved depth to it all.

Till then,
Silence is perhaps,
Less dull than speech itself.

It's tough for sure, it always has been. But this was different.

Today it'd seem that I've ended up where I didn't want to be.

I think all of us ended up there without wanting to.

But isn't this what drama's about? Putting yourself out there. 

It's freeing, it's crazy, it's what makes it so lovable.

Today however didn't feel that way.

It was intrusive. I was invading my own mind, ripping out what tissues were put in place to stem leakages. I was the one to make it visible, the blockage from long ago.

A burst artery, a faulty lamp.

The thing is I never feel like the 'most painful experience' I was told to share was important. I didn't want it told. Truth is, acting is about freedom. And freedom is about choice. And choosing to empathize with characters and portraying them in your own unique way so as to send your very own message is what makes acting so truthful, ironic as it is.

Getting emotional on stage is a skill; being a character onstage is.

Being yourself just isn't.

It's not just about being exposed and naked and vulnerable and weak.

It's not about the judgment or what people would think because this is a wonderful group of people who completely supports you.

It's that you really didn't want to go back there.

It's over and done with. You yourself are sick of it.

You're fine now, and it's not a lie.

But digging and rummaging through your own drawers to find that one shattered symbol you are so careful about, yanking it out of its bandages, holding it up for everyone to see like its a trophy...

That was what was so difficult.

Because being a character to you has never been an experience whereby you had to snip open old wounds so as to use the emotions like tools.

You're not against those who do; you think it a brilliant skill. 

You admire them for it, but you know you would never do it.

Never have, for characters have their own shit to deal with and your own junk- and you mean you, I, me, myself, this individual- feels like a terrible thing to remember, and exploiting that weakness yourself was what was more painful than the experience was to think back upon.

To recount is worse than recalling is what I'm saying.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QEWHF3E9YJQ

Talking about emotions is just about the most fragile vase out there; you don't know the type of water and the organisms thriving in it before you tip it over and watch it crash, crack your toenail and feel the red moisture seep out beneath the jagged edges.
It was so not easy getting into it- You were in such a good mood, too.
Then all of a sudden it wasn't difficult thinking back anymore; It was trying to get out.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm in a much, much better place now.

That I haven't forgiven and crying from something I don't respect humiliated me, that I was the one who poked and pried, who displayed what I most didn't want seen.

That maybe this doesn't make me a worthy actress,

That I choose to act through other methods because I'm me,

That I really, really didn't want to cry.

Or think about it again. Or indulge. Or phrase it.

Not anymore,

Not about something I don't want to acknowledge.

Because I don't like talking, not that much. And listening really is much more interesting.

I did get to understand them more though, so that was a plus.

What I didn't say, was that empathy happens only when you care enough,

That this was a different type of comfort zone I stepped out of,

That sometimes, once you start crying there's a part of you that curls up and sobs 

That it isn't exactly the easiest thing out there to stop it.

That you really are happy now, that it isn't a lie.

Some things just require more time.

It's like a brain fart extended.

I'm trying out this thing whereby I give better gifts in better packaging--that is, to the utmost limit of my wrapping and decorating skills.

You already know I'm trying to read more books,

But there too exists a list for movies, accumulated over the past few months.

So.

Here goes. I hope I don't bore you.

-Lion King

I haven't ever watched this before, and I sure wish I did as a kid- I'd have loved it. It's pretty impactful. Death in a Disney movie was surprising, and so was a cunning two faced character alongside that. Losing yourself and the struggle between your real personality and responsibilities were things kids wouldn't have understood, but I guess it's applicable to all ages and so is a great movie. 

The only sad thing about this is that I never encountered it as a kid. Now at the withering age of sixteen/seventeen I don't quite feel the magical prowess of it, nor do I love it. It was alright. 

-Aladdin

Yet another movie I've never watched and didn't get swept away by (IM SORRIEH FORGIVE ME)

I don't know.. I read the book version of it as a kid and loved loved loved it. But now as some jaded human, I find the love to be pretty predictable and kind of shallow.

I'm really glad the genie was freed, though.

-Mulan

Never watched it- I'm starting to wonder what I actually watched in my childhood- Supernatural ones because my family was big on it and never empathized with me? What about when I finally started hiding in my room when their eyes remained fixated on the screen and I couldn't stand my imagination- and so joined them yet again?

Ugh. Just went deep into an unhappy part of childhood there. *sniffles*

Where was I?

I didn't like the guy in this. Mulan was great though. Determined and yet feminine, not boyish (although that'd probably have been fine) and the dragon was annoying at parts. (Donkey from Shrek was pretty lovable though)

Still, I like this film. It makes you smile.

-Beauty and the Beast

You know the story- Me ain't watched it before.

And I loooooovved it. I love it!

There were times where I teared up, and the girl wasn't some innocent, tactless, sweet stereotype of a female- She had her very own character and was agreeable and polite without being submissive.

I relate to the beast (Let's face it, most people probably do) and it's a beautiful love story in my opinion. :>

So yes. Am currently embarking on the ride to The Little Mermaid soon, so stay tuned *wink* for that, although I may or may not have insulted you readers through my thoughts for the other films.

-Funny Games

Disney films aside, I watched some psychotic crazy film by mistake. The name sounded.. Fun. 

It wasn't.

It wasn't!

Holy mother of crackers, it wasn't. 

It was this pair of brothers who went around choosing families to kill, and it basically makes you gape at the screen once the niceties are over and done with and things just escalate. Somewhere later you're all 'I did not expect this. I did not sign up for this!'
... Yeah.
Probably should be writing in a less vocalized manner from now on.
I suppose o didn't learn anything from this- But it has impact, in a different sense. Perhaps you might want to try it. Perhaps you mightn't. I would, but I wouldn't have if I knew.
So that kinda means I would have despite being mentally scarred for half a day after.

-There's some others but I can't remember.
Rewatched The Princess and the Frog (love it, meh for the guy), Cinderella (the live action version. Apart from the guys wearing skin-tight leggings, I loved every second of it and have re watched it for three times now. Loved it when the prince was disguised when they went from door to door looking for Cinderella!), Tangled (found it great but cringeworthy at some parts-  Don't you feel like certain reactions were a lil too dramatized and not naturalistic because it was trying to be 'real'?), Home (LOVE. IT.), Toy Story (I never knew Woody was a jealous hypocrite who grew throughout the movie! I thought Buzz was a villain. Gosh I was such an insensitive kid.)... And some others. My brain's waterlogged right now with some song playing in the background and floating book quotes as well as random math formulas and bio facts. I suppose, if a human brain- any human brain- were to be animated or illustrated so as to provide a concrete visual representation of it, it would be a chaotic and random arrangement, with multiple emotions and unrelated things jumbled all together- Even if the human is relaxed and frankly, not distressed in the slightest.

There, I did it again.
Typos, overly long sentences..

And I forgot most of what I set out to write in the first place.
Hoho.
Happy New Year guys.
I'm gonna grab me some sleep so as to function again.