I'm in contact with my ex again.
As expected, it's tough to let go of love...
it's such a stinging, painful feeling and yet it's so poignant, so powerful in that 3 months later it still hasn't gone away, not one bit.
But there's a reason things ended, and, well..
I'm so scared of being hurt again.
I'm sifting through every action and word of his, both in the present and the past,
to scan for warning signs that show me it's time to leave.
I fell too deep and i remember all too clearly how he had to fight on that day...
Right before my exam.
The way i used to have panic attacks because of fights, or his words, or my general anxiety regarding us.
Now..
I feel too much love to leave,
I just want to see him,
But I feel so much pain and resentment too.
It's making all that progress I attained in these 3 months feel so threatened.
And the fact that he finds my previous post hateful,
well.
it wasn't;
it was resentment and pain, and love that had turned bitter.
.
Maybe we went back to each other too soon.
Maybe we should have waited for another ten years, when we have both become better people,
But i missed him too much.
I miss his voice, his eyebrows...
Him.
Flawed and strange and strong and- the guy whom I loved.
And now I just..
I don't know why I miss him so damn much and I know I shouldn't reach out to him but I do.
I don't know why this feeling of love is so strong.
I don't know what to do.
What do people do?
