Still in the middle of exams.

I think I'm starting to trap myself,

I think I'm choosing not to take walks because closing myself in,
Not actually doing that much work anyway,
Is better than the guilt you get from actually going out and
Feeling like you've taken an actual break.

I think I'm caving in,
Caving in to my strange desire to close myself off further as a way to cope,
Crumbling a little,

Because I can feel so much better on one day,
Then so much worse the next.


I keep crying.


I dread graduation,
I dread shuffling around aimlessly trying to find a picture frame that I can squish myself into,
I dread the gloom of wishing for the day to just be over,

Because I won't belong,
Like I never did.

I dread playing games with the class,
Becoming sentimental over people whom I don't care about, who don't care about me;

I dread typing with a stunted finger and an expressionless face like now;

I dread wishing to miss something because we all know that there's nothing to miss in this school, not friends- only the drama club- not the class- only one or two teachers-

I dread shuffling around with a smile painted on my face because I won't
Belong
;

And I will hope to be.






.
I cry so easily now.

I wish I didn't,
But I'm starting to close myself off

And it feels like a prison of loneliness whereby I don't think that talking helps;

My eyes are dry now.

The oasis that was my emotions have shriveled up into a crisp brown leaf;
I feel happier one day then
Worse the next

I repeat myself because it feels like I'm getting it out, but I'm not.