https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c6rP-YP4c5I
^ My newest favorite, movie and song alike.
The lyrics speak to you on a vastly different level- I'm sure you'll love it just as much as I do.
There's issues associated with this movie, but it really isn't my wish to go there right now. (Keep GP out of a wonderful movie date. Please!) *sighs*
Oh and-
Nick has the seeeeeeeeeexxxxxiest voice ever huehuehuehue (Do I regret sharing this? Noo. See what I did there? Eheheheh, watch the movie and you'll understand.)
"I messed up tonight
I lost another fight
I still mess up but I'll just start again
I keep falling down
I keep on hitting the ground
I always get up now to see what's next."
"Birds don't just fly
They fall down and get up
Nobody learns without getting it won."
"I won't give up no I won't give in
Till I reach the end
And then I'll start again"
"Though I'm on the lead
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail
I won't give up no I won't give in
Till I reach the end
And then I'll start again
No I won't leave
I wanna try everything
I wanna try even though I could fail."
"Look how far you've come
You filled your heart with love
Baby you've done enough that cut your breath
Don't beat yourself up
Don't need to run so fast
Sometimes we come last but we did our best."
"I'll keep on making those new mistakes
I'll keep on making them everyday
Those new mistakes"
This is one song that will pick you up time and again,
Throughout life, and everything else that gnaws from within.
Wednesday, 16 March 2016
Saturday, 12 March 2016
Slanted beams of moonlight reveal floating particles
It's like a melody
A crispy film of edible floss
That makes one not see clearly
Ripping it apart the sound rings disturbingly loud
While the roses wilt and the waters rot
The sweet musk quits masking the obscure
Unveiling is quick,
It's fragile and to the point,
An unbent arrow made of glass.
I guess I really have to thank this arrow though;
The lodging of it in the damp ground was what caused the train to screech to a halt
Really, the tracks would have been paved to form a never ending road otherwise-
The rocks underneath had been too smooth, too slick..
Now the red-blue sky can finally reflect the blue-greens of the sea.
Now, the transfer to the ship is complete and cargo is not forgotten.
Now,
We make our way
Onto the right path.
The thing about having a serious heart
Is that humor cradles it and sunshine spills forth
The thing about only ever looking at one thing once set on it
Is that you really don't look in another direction, because you find the view too beautiful to forsake. But the view itself is corrupted, so you can't stay, can't afford to stay.
Scenery is no longer interesting if it seeks everyone's approval and reaches out to its audience instead of being its truthful self, awaiting the right people to see it for its candid, soulful layers.
I want- I want somehow an artifact or a historical building that has been nursing its own wounds all this time, that is not lovesick or desperate, that doesn't hook its blinding radar onto any living thing that moves, as though it were some kind of innate checklist- The choices are there, but it's not there for you to pick and choose from.
I would much prefer someone who doesn't fish with a goal in mind, but someone who sits by himself at the bank, admiring the biodiversity and not trying to get every fish to look at him, or to steal glances at the fishes himself.
I would much prefer someone who doesn't let his gaze linger on anything that vaguely resembles something of value- I would much prefer someone who has a million filters for meaning and who sticks to one, single, ultimate choice.
I can't believe I thought you to be a committed one
Emotions I saw and was attracted to,
Difficult persona it seemed and I was interested in,
But the type of emotions you possess seem to limit itself,
And it turned out to not be my type.
Overly flowery handiworks aren't beauty;
Traps with deceiving looks aren't exciting.
Fickle hearts are detestable pits lined with flirtatious behavior
Steering clear of it would be an instinct if the ice berg had been apparent from the start.
Your height doesn't matter, sir. There was something interesting about you that set you apart from the rest, but now it's gone because I've seen sides of you and it isn't the best thing to observe.
.
No more distractions?
...No more distractions. :>
A crispy film of edible floss
That makes one not see clearly
Ripping it apart the sound rings disturbingly loud
While the roses wilt and the waters rot
The sweet musk quits masking the obscure
Unveiling is quick,
It's fragile and to the point,
An unbent arrow made of glass.
I guess I really have to thank this arrow though;
The lodging of it in the damp ground was what caused the train to screech to a halt
Really, the tracks would have been paved to form a never ending road otherwise-
The rocks underneath had been too smooth, too slick..
Now the red-blue sky can finally reflect the blue-greens of the sea.
Now, the transfer to the ship is complete and cargo is not forgotten.
Now,
We make our way
Onto the right path.
The thing about having a serious heart
Is that humor cradles it and sunshine spills forth
The thing about only ever looking at one thing once set on it
Is that you really don't look in another direction, because you find the view too beautiful to forsake. But the view itself is corrupted, so you can't stay, can't afford to stay.
Scenery is no longer interesting if it seeks everyone's approval and reaches out to its audience instead of being its truthful self, awaiting the right people to see it for its candid, soulful layers.
I want- I want somehow an artifact or a historical building that has been nursing its own wounds all this time, that is not lovesick or desperate, that doesn't hook its blinding radar onto any living thing that moves, as though it were some kind of innate checklist- The choices are there, but it's not there for you to pick and choose from.
I would much prefer someone who doesn't fish with a goal in mind, but someone who sits by himself at the bank, admiring the biodiversity and not trying to get every fish to look at him, or to steal glances at the fishes himself.
I would much prefer someone who doesn't let his gaze linger on anything that vaguely resembles something of value- I would much prefer someone who has a million filters for meaning and who sticks to one, single, ultimate choice.
I can't believe I thought you to be a committed one
Emotions I saw and was attracted to,
Difficult persona it seemed and I was interested in,
But the type of emotions you possess seem to limit itself,
And it turned out to not be my type.
Overly flowery handiworks aren't beauty;
Traps with deceiving looks aren't exciting.
Fickle hearts are detestable pits lined with flirtatious behavior
Steering clear of it would be an instinct if the ice berg had been apparent from the start.
Your height doesn't matter, sir. There was something interesting about you that set you apart from the rest, but now it's gone because I've seen sides of you and it isn't the best thing to observe.
.
No more distractions?
...No more distractions. :>
Friday, 11 March 2016
Mummified my teenage dreams
Remember me for centuries
"The story's all off
Heavy metal broke my heart."
"We've been here forever
And here's the frozen proof
I could scream forever
We are the poisoned youth."
..Wow
This is one of those masterpieces that make you feel like an empire was built and demolished by you, and you alone.
Discovering a wonderful song always turns a day around. ^~^
"The story's all off
Heavy metal broke my heart."
"We've been here forever
And here's the frozen proof
I could scream forever
We are the poisoned youth."
..Wow
This is one of those masterpieces that make you feel like an empire was built and demolished by you, and you alone.
Discovering a wonderful song always turns a day around. ^~^
Tuesday, 8 March 2016
Gotta do it.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xCnvpq4cs8M
This, is why she inspires me so much.
.
I need to put in more. I need to go all the way- physical contact- Again, that one thing.
Let's do it, tomorrow.
This, is why she inspires me so much.
.
I need to put in more. I need to go all the way- physical contact- Again, that one thing.
Let's do it, tomorrow.
Monday, 7 March 2016
Shadowy crowns
"What do you think of him?"
Ahhh, the million dollar question.
It really does make me wonder, the way people like to pull others into their own circles and thrust them this question as a form of assessment, as though it is something intellectual, something that requires deep thought and accurate judgment.
It's funny because it should have been obvious, the way I don't respond and act like I'm too deep in the contents of my book to hear you and your intellectual debate on someone that distant.. That I am in no way interested in your conversation. I do not want to be involved, and I do not want to offer up my opinions and validate myself that way.
I'm smiling at you because it really isn't my wish to be too blunt,
But you press on and me being the social butterfly that I am will have to respond by telling you what
I actually think-- Nothing.
"I don't know."
Of course this isn't a good enough answer,
And of course I have to have my own juicy details to add on to the gourmet on the table- as though if I didn't, I wouldn't fit into the premises of a normal human who's 'capable of conversation'.
I know exactly what it is you want to hear- it's the exact same thing your own companion who took part in this very engaging conversation said to you... Just five seconds ago.
But guess what, those words would pave the road to some dull and petty one-way conversation that I'll be zoning out on by the time the second sentence leaves your mouth.
So, no.
I'm not doing it, not unless I hold strong feelings against someone. Not unless you're someone and not just anyone.
"Isn't it pointless to be evaluating him like this when none of us actually know him?"
Bam.
The stuttering.
The shifty eyes.
I'm out again, I'm always out.
And it's not because I think myself to be above you or anything- I'm sure I love gossip as much as anyone else does. I don't claim to be detached and godly and clean- I am not.
I'm just not interested, woman.
Talk about someone close to me and I will want you to stop because that concerns privacy. Talk about someone far and I will not want to assume.
Things become obvious about a person after a while, you know. Seeing that with your own two eyes and recording that under your own special brand of silence would be more accurate than 'conversing' is.
Do you have any idea how boring this interaction is turning out to be?
Yeah?
Because I'm boring myself, too.
Why can't we talk about food or movies or books
Or you, your interests, your beliefs,
Or your complaints about life, as repetitive as that can be,
Or your love troubles and my advice stemming from an imagination,
Or actual, actual, thoughts about things that I may or may not have the intellectual capacity to discuss with you on?
Why, why why
Why must it always be this one particular million dollar question-
It doesn't change anything and it's much better if you say it to their face
It's meaningless, it's a waste of time, my books teach me more than talking with you ever can
It's something people for some reason do to make themselves feel better, or together, or connected in some strange way-
It's boring and it's not right!
Ahhh, the million dollar question.
It really does make me wonder, the way people like to pull others into their own circles and thrust them this question as a form of assessment, as though it is something intellectual, something that requires deep thought and accurate judgment.
It's funny because it should have been obvious, the way I don't respond and act like I'm too deep in the contents of my book to hear you and your intellectual debate on someone that distant.. That I am in no way interested in your conversation. I do not want to be involved, and I do not want to offer up my opinions and validate myself that way.
I'm smiling at you because it really isn't my wish to be too blunt,
But you press on and me being the social butterfly that I am will have to respond by telling you what
I actually think-- Nothing.
"I don't know."
Of course this isn't a good enough answer,
And of course I have to have my own juicy details to add on to the gourmet on the table- as though if I didn't, I wouldn't fit into the premises of a normal human who's 'capable of conversation'.
I know exactly what it is you want to hear- it's the exact same thing your own companion who took part in this very engaging conversation said to you... Just five seconds ago.
But guess what, those words would pave the road to some dull and petty one-way conversation that I'll be zoning out on by the time the second sentence leaves your mouth.
So, no.
I'm not doing it, not unless I hold strong feelings against someone. Not unless you're someone and not just anyone.
"Isn't it pointless to be evaluating him like this when none of us actually know him?"
Bam.
The stuttering.
The shifty eyes.
I'm out again, I'm always out.
And it's not because I think myself to be above you or anything- I'm sure I love gossip as much as anyone else does. I don't claim to be detached and godly and clean- I am not.
I'm just not interested, woman.
Talk about someone close to me and I will want you to stop because that concerns privacy. Talk about someone far and I will not want to assume.
Things become obvious about a person after a while, you know. Seeing that with your own two eyes and recording that under your own special brand of silence would be more accurate than 'conversing' is.
Do you have any idea how boring this interaction is turning out to be?
Yeah?
Because I'm boring myself, too.
Why can't we talk about food or movies or books
Or you, your interests, your beliefs,
Or your complaints about life, as repetitive as that can be,
Or your love troubles and my advice stemming from an imagination,
Or actual, actual, thoughts about things that I may or may not have the intellectual capacity to discuss with you on?
Why, why why
Why must it always be this one particular million dollar question-
It doesn't change anything and it's much better if you say it to their face
It's meaningless, it's a waste of time, my books teach me more than talking with you ever can
It's something people for some reason do to make themselves feel better, or together, or connected in some strange way-
It's boring and it's not right!
February Wrap-up
I've completed the three short reads for a couple days now, but they will be under March wrap-up after all- putting them here just doesn't feel right.
Heheh, now you know.
Been procrastinating this one for a while now,
And it's been a pretty bad reading month cuz these four books were completed within the first ten days. The rest of the month was squandered away on tests and everything else that I didn't perform well in.
It's okay though, what affects me more is what I've been feeling.
Anyways
1. Kings of Colorado by David E.Hilton
This was a heart wrenching one.. It's about boys in a reformatory school, and I promise you, it's waaaay more than it sounds like up here. It's full of gore and messed up characters with painful pasts and scenes. Made me sad for a while. :(
I suppose the purpose of the book was to illustrate that sometimes, people are turned the wrong way out and it's the way they are- Nothing you do will change that. At the very least, these people do not pretend to be what they are not, and that is admirable in its own way. Still, this doesn't mean that you should let your guard down around them, nor should you endeavor to 'convert' them.
Everyone has a past and sometimes, just sometimes, people are the way they are and there's no way they can ever become good again.
At least- at least, this book has an ending that heals, that was much needed, after what it put me through, reading it.
At least- at least, this book has an ending that heals, that was much needed, after what it put me through, reading it.
2. Undone by Brooke Taylor
This was interesting but it didn't interest me- Things were kinda angsty and slow paced. The revelations at the end of the book were surprising, but that was all. Overall, it is well-written and an okay book, with a synopsis that drew me to it- "...given an assignment to list five ways to tempt fate...Serena doesn't take her list seriously until a tragedy leaves her shocked, alone, and in possession of Kori's five secret wishes. Can Serena complete her best friend's list? Or will she leave Kori's dreams undone?" - The synopsis made it clear that Serena the protagonist was gonna complete her friend's list, but in the book, some items were completed unknowingly whilst others were done through conscious decisions. It ended up being slightly draggy and full of mysteries I wasn't particularly interested in solving, wasn't the emotional roller coaster I was looking for:of a beautiful friendship and a broken soul dealing with loss, and was just, kind of dull to me.
I suppose the book did try to venture into all that, but it just didn't live up to my expectations, given that reviews had called it 'powerful' and 'absorbing'.
So yeah. The story doesn't stay with me.
3. Genesis by Jim Grace
This was.. Hm.
Likewise to Undone, there isn't a specific plot other than character development and storytelling, except that this one jumps back and forth in terms of time, and that makes it more multi-dimensional and engaging as a result. It's about a guy who impregnates every woman he has sex with, and there are good points raised by the book. As a general review, though, I find the author's writing to be strange. (After all, you don't come across something like this very often)
I suppose this would be considered erotic fiction, but it really was more about marriage and people to me- there wasn't too much details with regards to the actual deed, but rather the implications and the causes that led up to it. The main guy is horny all the time, which makes it refreshing or uncomfortable to read, depending on the kind of person you are. All in all I rather enjoyed it, and will be on the lookout for his other books from now on- I shall try some of them out before I decide on whether or not I like Jim Grace's work.
4. Love Letters to the Dead by Ava Dellaira
This has a similar synopsis to Undone's: "It begins as an assignment for English class: write a letter to a dead person." Reviews said it was reminiscent of Perks of being a Wallflower, which was why I was so excited to read it in the first place.
I thought this could have been written more subtly, and that the romance could have had more depth and development to it. I would have much preferred it if it were more succinct, too. However this doesn't mean that I dislike this book in any way- It's just that I still love Perks of being a Wallflower more, and while this was similar in style, was not as good.
It was still a great read, though. Still beautiful, in its own way.
I did complete this within a day after all, so that should be saying something. :)
And side note? I loooove the book cover! It's the closest anything has ever been to the beauty of Benedict Cumberbatch's voice.
That's it for now.
I gotta work harder at school and in cca, it's not enough.
Today I treated myself to cheese rings and brownies for dinner
I'm aiming to read light-hearted books that will drown me in cliches
And I'm hoping for better dreams tonight-
Or rather, a smoother, uninterrupted sleep that's deep, like the penetrative sweetness of cake by the ocean.
Friday, 4 March 2016
Time to grab something sweet and go to bed
Selfish feelings-
Maybe I'm asking something of you-
Maybe I'm not-
I'm not sure,
But at least I had made things clear to you
And all things aside,
Talking while agitated is a good thing.
Not arguing, not shouting, not forcing of one's ideals.
Talking.
Maybe I'm not explicit enough
Or coherent enough
Or communicative enough
To say things clearly and make clear what I feel and think
But at least we talked and that's good enough.
Whether or not this issue is resolved is up to you now-
It's your decision and your life-
I will not hate you for this, or think you stupid like you said you were afraid of.
I am no saint and obviously will be pissed at you.
But please don't be affected by that? Make your own decisions.
Whatever the result, I just gotta accept it and do my best from that point on, right? That's the way it works.
.
Days like these I just need some empathy and understanding from someone--not just anyone-- someone. You know that I don't talk to most of them about these things.
Not judgment, not advice, not well-meaning patronizing words- Please, understand me.
I know that your intentions are good
But no,
It's not appropriate to tell me not to be sad,
Or that it is 'just' a _____.
Because would you call school 'just' school?
Or A level results 'just' results?
We care about things for a reason.
We choose certain people to open up to for a reason.
We open that mouth and say something treasured--- for a reason.
I don't ever think that my emotions are important
It's insignificant and I'm very affected by this
But I try to communicate to you
And all I need,
Is really, a listening ear.
Not a wooden block,
A listening ear.
Because you of all people should know
I don't talk about something until I realise it's finally time to indulge and acknowledge something,
And when I do I try to downplay it so as to not be dramatic
But I need you to listen.
Sometimes the best kind of consolation is silence.
Not criticism, not your wonderful thinking processes, not the different perspectives, not analysed reports.
It's-
Please, I'm sorry.
Maybe I'm asking something of you-
Maybe I'm not-
I'm not sure,
But at least I had made things clear to you
And all things aside,
Talking while agitated is a good thing.
Not arguing, not shouting, not forcing of one's ideals.
Talking.
Maybe I'm not explicit enough
Or coherent enough
Or communicative enough
To say things clearly and make clear what I feel and think
But at least we talked and that's good enough.
Whether or not this issue is resolved is up to you now-
It's your decision and your life-
I will not hate you for this, or think you stupid like you said you were afraid of.
I am no saint and obviously will be pissed at you.
But please don't be affected by that? Make your own decisions.
Whatever the result, I just gotta accept it and do my best from that point on, right? That's the way it works.
.
Days like these I just need some empathy and understanding from someone--not just anyone-- someone. You know that I don't talk to most of them about these things.
Not judgment, not advice, not well-meaning patronizing words- Please, understand me.
I know that your intentions are good
But no,
It's not appropriate to tell me not to be sad,
Or that it is 'just' a _____.
Because would you call school 'just' school?
Or A level results 'just' results?
We care about things for a reason.
We choose certain people to open up to for a reason.
We open that mouth and say something treasured--- for a reason.
I don't ever think that my emotions are important
It's insignificant and I'm very affected by this
But I try to communicate to you
And all I need,
Is really, a listening ear.
Not a wooden block,
A listening ear.
Because you of all people should know
I don't talk about something until I realise it's finally time to indulge and acknowledge something,
And when I do I try to downplay it so as to not be dramatic
But I need you to listen.
Sometimes the best kind of consolation is silence.
Not criticism, not your wonderful thinking processes, not the different perspectives, not analysed reports.
It's-
Please, I'm sorry.
Thursday, 3 March 2016
Pillow on a straying cloud
It's really cute, the little holidays mom and dad go on together.
The thing is that they're always worried about us, and all too often the vacation ends up revolving around us instead of them.
I'm glad that we aren't needy kids despite being so dependent on them.
It's times like these that make me consider things, that make me wonder about stuffs.
For one, thoughts have changed over time. Second, decisions don't have to be made till after the A levels, so let's chuck it to the back of our heads for now.
At least one thing is certain- What my first paycheck will be spent on
And I suppose,
That for now
That is enough.
I'm so glad that they're back.
Side note? Dad is the only human who will go the extra mile to physically stand between a pet dog and I in the frighteningly enclosed space of a lift that endangers one's little heart.
The thing is that they're always worried about us, and all too often the vacation ends up revolving around us instead of them.
I'm glad that we aren't needy kids despite being so dependent on them.
It's times like these that make me consider things, that make me wonder about stuffs.
For one, thoughts have changed over time. Second, decisions don't have to be made till after the A levels, so let's chuck it to the back of our heads for now.
At least one thing is certain- What my first paycheck will be spent on
And I suppose,
That for now
That is enough.
I'm so glad that they're back.
Side note? Dad is the only human who will go the extra mile to physically stand between a pet dog and I in the frighteningly enclosed space of a lift that endangers one's little heart.
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