Awh, if only it doesn't sadden me so.

Am I hard to understand?

I don't think so, but we all know that what you think of yourself may not be what you show in front of others. So is that really the case here?

'I don't know if you.. act sociable or act introverted.'

In other words, if I'm an introverted one I'm acting sociable, and if I'm actually sociable, I act like I don't want human contact for some reason. 

I was intrigued by this statement cuz someone's said something similar to me,

And this is the second time a really close friend has told me that they don't get me.

Well.. Thing is, I'm not 'acting'. But put that aside and it's basically the way I am: it's not hard to comprehend that I don't like too much interaction but I still approach people because, well, that's the way I am. Since I've been an emcee before, or a chair-person before, or something- there's always this impression I give off that pegs me as presenter-ish, leader-type and a popular-successful-intense kind of person.

There isn't anything bad about that, but since it 1) intimidates people 2) isn't what I am .. its kind of a bad thing.
The fact that even after seeing each other daily for a year and a half, you still 'don't know' me, is scary.

I've never really understood why and it's finally toned down now that I know how to hold back on whatever it is that pushes people away from me, but I've always been someone who feels out of place. Teenagers say that, yes, but I honestly have never been able to clique with people in general, or make friends easily, or be seen as what I actually am.
I might have been good at it once when I was a little kid but even that didn't apply to many people. Just look at how distant I am with the relatives that took care of me, (again) daily, for around 7 years. Really, I don't understand because when you grow up like that-with people who love you- the natural thing that occurs is for you to confide in them, love them back, and form ties stronger than hot glue. I mean, whatever happened to those typical 'My granny took care of me when I was younger so we're really close' kinda situations? Even as a kid, there was something in me that distanced me from people. All that should have happened didn't happen, and it wasn't intentional nor are our relations strained.
We just.. exist around each other. She doesn't know me.
And whatever social skill I did have definitely got lost, somehow, along the way when certain things broke my heart.
You see, the thing here is that it seems to extend beyond first impressions; it's the vibe I give off and the way I behave. Yeah I don't talk about myself much but it shouldn't be that tough to see through me anyway.

Maybe it's because I'm not someone that can be determined as an introvert or an extrovert, yet does not lie in that neutral middle that easy-going people do, or that I seem kind of intense with my opinions and speech manners, or that I'm not sociable in that particular sunshiny way that my out-going drama mates do... that people don't ever quite know what to think of me.

They stay away from me and they don't know what to do with me.

This is why I've never really enjoyed the 'what do you think of me' kinda questions; it doesn't satisfy my vanity or curiosity but only reinforces my sadness. The fact that a really close friend of mine once told me that 'I don't know' phrase, and the fact that that's been repeated today just pulls me down a little.

I am obviously an emotional person, but does that make me a moody and unpredictable kind of human? I don't live off mood swings, nor do I have sudden changes in mood for no good reason. Am I that hard to understand, when not one human can be classified into a box?

If everyone understands that any normal human is multifaceted and that different sides pop out accordingly because of the person they're interacting with, why is it such a difficult thing to think of me that way, too?

.

Today we had a personality test, and out of 4 personality types there were 3 that were equally balanced. Perhaps this is why I'm the one that even the closest ones do not get, but still.

I think that I am a very simple person.

Yes I do talk to people and yes I do go up to them on the first day when things are awkward and tense, but I eat lunch alone because I like it that way. I stay home for ten days straight and I'm not quiet when you first get to know me- I'm quiet when there's nothing good to say. I have my own sides and my own mixtures like every other person, I may be sociable one day and silent the next because that's how I recharge.

I don't know, is it that hard to understand me even if it's through labeling?

This, this always saddens me.

I think that I'm not the only one who feels this way when I say that people don't seem to know what to do with me.

Bummed out

What can I say?

It's been kind of a bummer.

Day 3's coming to an end, and I've spent yet another day just trying to recover.

There are so many things that I'd wanted to do,

But this persistent headache is really making me reach the end of my patience, here, with myself. 

It's hard to function when you're constantly needing rest, rest, and more rest

When the one truly needed for the heart isn't attained, not at all.

I should be happy with the relaxation that I did get I suppose

The karaoke date was... How do I put it, unpleasant, to say the least.

I'd gone with the wrong person amongst our trio.

The kind that overpowers and thinks only of herself,

The kind that made it something that consisted mostly of Chinese and Japanese songs that neither of us knew yet still tried to sing along,

The kind that makes you feel uncomfortable and awkward when you select a song that you wanted and which is more accessible for the group.

Sure karaoke is about singing new songs,
But it's about enjoying ourselves, too.

You are the kind that analyses our voices (which was great when I almost entered into a singing competition with you, but it only makes my quiet friend conscious) and judges me for trying to have a good time. Please, were you trying to record an album there? 'You're singing too high', 'I'm trying to hit that note' or whatever. What's wrong with singing Wrecking Ball like some dying chicken when it's funny to us.. Psh.

Uh, well, if your friend is giving in for your sake,

Shouldn't that be reciprocated?

This is a shared session, you know. Don't hog it.

Although maybe if I had gone into rage-mode I'd have changed things,

That's not the way it should be.

Shouldn't you have some EQ and less selfishness?


I know how this sounds,
But I've honestly, honestly looked forward to this for as long as I can remember.
Yeah, I'm that kid; and the way you've spoilt this first experience for me kinda -should I use it?- kinda sucks.
I'm a little disappointed and sad, if you don't mind.

I didn't even have much of a fantasy for this; I just pictured loads of crazed laughter and the type of singing that ruins our lungs.
Oh, well.

I almost left halfway through cuz I was so done with you, but in Mandarin we have a saying that equates to never letting things get as dire. In other words, leave you a way to remove yourself as gracefully as possible from a shitty situation.
This makes me sound like a greater, more mature human than I actually am,
But you get the idea.

So.

What can I say,

These past three days have been

Kind of a bummer.

Excited.

Fast forward a couple hours later,
I went all that glamorous way in expressing my wishes in my previous post
but ended up somehow spending all that time in bed instead -_-
Cuz, well, that's what people with throbbing headaches and a mild fever do:
Sleep their days away. 10 hours of napping time plus another 3 in the afternoon- I've got to be cured now.. right?

Anywayz.
I've got my karaoke date today, ain't that awesome?!



.
Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

It is about this teenage girl, Anna Oliphant who is made to study in Paris for a year. Of course, she falls deeply in love with this beautiful guy and all sorts of drama occurs.

Okay, let's get this straight.

I like it when books introduce other movies and the author's own opinions on other books, on particular cliches and the average romantic writer out there.
I like that the characters in this were far from being perfect, and that they were flawed.
I understand that drama happens in life; especially when you're in love with a godly looking guy in a long-standing but unhealthy relationship whereby the passion has fizzled out.

I know about the great reviews and stuffs-
This is a very realistic portrayal of how things swing in relationships.

But (and I say this with as much restraint as possible)
I hate it.

This is probably the worst book I've read all year.

Sure there is a lot of character growth, sure it's human flaws and passion meshed together well enough, but the writing style is terrible.
It is vocal, not in the least beautiful, utilizes caps way too often and sounds like what a typical seventeen year-old would type onto an online blog- oh, hold on a second.

Ugh, jokes aside I do really hate this book.
And I will warn you that I'm probably spoiling this for you in both senses.

There is waaaaaaaaayyyyy too much drama, Anna is a drama queen, the lead guy is nothing but a wimp clad in beautiful skin,  characters have depth but they're all just a hot mess without being truly messed up, if you know what I mean. They knew exactly what it was that they were doing, but they were all just dishonest enough to look past their own mistakes. The main character 'ditches her friends', in Perkins' words, and it doesn't help that it is only at the end of the book that Anna and St. Clair learn about the important lessons of the world and about their own mistakes.
To me, there are certain things that you have to already know at seventeen.
You can't lead people on no matter how alone you feel, and you should have empathy for people. If your best friend falls for a guy that you miraculously think will remain available for you when there was no explicit promise other than a quick, chaste kiss shared on the desperate night before your departure to Paris, you have no good reason to be upset at your friend. The guy's a bit of a jerk, but you only have yourself to blame.
After all, if you like someone, and your friend likes the same someone,
It all comes down to this: You're rivals. You go for the same guy, fair and square.
It wasn't that the two of you were in a relationship and your best friend cheated with him on you- it was that the guy chose to kiss you, then get into a relationship with your best friend whilst you were away, and that is what you should be pissed at. No friend should be expected to back off from someone just because you have your sights set on him 'first'. Not to mention, that you weren't even trying to maintain it long-distance; he had to do the calling and your heart wasn't even there because you were too busy falling for another guy already in a relationship and blaming him for that, too.
I mean, how dumb is that?! There was no 'promise' other than your own one-sided feelings!
The protagonist was immature to me in this aspect.
The fact that she had to have a taste of her own medicine before realizing this was weird, too. It shouldn't work that way, after all.
I felt really bad for her friend.

And there was another thing that I couldn't agree with:
'Eighteen-year olds do not need their mother.'
Sorry to break this to you, honey, but that is not independence.
That is not independence at all.

Independence is when you're capable of fending for yourself and having your own way of thinking. You make great decisions, mostly by yourself.
You do not rely on anyone for the simplest of things, like laundry or meals.

But mental support from your family is no simple thing.
It is the most human thing in the world, and if you think that as a form of reliance that keeps you babied and thus 'small', you are wrong.
You will always need your parents because they know the rawest you, and they always will. They've always been there, and most of the time they are that safe shell that you crawl back into when the world beats you down. Not your new lover that you share passion so openly with, not some soul mate that you met halfway along your journey in life. Of course these people are important, and have to share with you your ups and downs in life- but sometimes these are the same humans that come to pass after awhile, and connection sometimes disappears.  No matter what good place you get to whilst evolving to become a mature adult, you will always always need someone like that in your life, someone that's family or like family, and age does not play a factor here.

Don't be in such a hurry to grow up that you forget what's truly important in life; that's what makes you truly immature in my opinion.

..which is another reason for my hating of this book.
It's so kiddish and bad!

Of course, this depends on how close you are with your family,
And if you aren't, that is no sin. There is nothing wrong with it just like how there is nothing wrong with not wanting kids of any kind. It just means that whatever I've just said does not apply to you, and it only applies to Anna the fictional character that pissed me off.
Her hatred of her dad was strange, too. Apart from the fact that he's the sappy kind of romantic author that the protagonist hates for literary aspects, has tanned skin and a bleached smile, there is nothing really hate-worthy of him. After all, he doesn't abuse them. Stingy with money, yes, pretty insensitive- that is right, but nonetheless somewhat loving and concerned for her. Yet she's constantly complaining about all that is wrong with her life, and even after admitting that to herself she still continues to do it; and she  resents the wrong people for the teeniest and most meaningless reasons. Her world revolves around herself, and there was nothing really redeeming about her character apart from the fact that she's witty and humorous.
Still, her core characterization throws all that off balance, and it just makes her a drama queen to me.

Oh man, I've probably ranted a little too much.
But that's just what I do.. and if that makes me come off too strong.. Too bad.
It's the reason why I can't connect with many humans anyway.

Still.
I'd thought that since the exams are over, I'd sink my hands into a delicious, guilty-pleasure-read that doesn't require much thought and will please me in the simplest ways possible.
Apart from the fact that this book was nothing less than utmost embarrassment to read, it was boring, the main character is a drama queen for the wrong reasons, there are typical, stereotypical characters inside that have that basic behaviour of tossing hair and exposing cleavage, and it was, all in all, the worst book I've seen thus far for this year.
I'm pretty sure people in life are not like that,
Or at least I haven't met anyone like that.

The guy, too.
Any guy who isn't man enough to break off a relationship like that, who falls in love with someone else whilst being in a relationship, who sleeps in that person's bed, kisses her, does all sorts of things and yet acts like everything's fine afterward is not one that I'd find desirable.
Sure he's going through a lot, but he's too much of a wimp.  He leads on a poor girl (although I have my complaints too for that girl, I am not as irritated by her. She's human, but slightly cowardly), and personally, I think that if you know that someone admires you in the way that makes her nuts for you, you shouldn't spend as much time with her. You should make it clear from the get go, so that there'll be a period afterward whereby she remains hopelessly in love with you in spite of that, then realizes that her hope is completely and utterly impossible. Yes there'll be heartbreak, but it's so much better than what the guy in this book actually does.

And then there's that one last thing.
How is a relationship of one year, one year, mind you-  'forever'?
If that's all it takes for a relationship to fizzle out, you are someone who scares me.

The comfort zone shouldn't come after two, maybe three years,
Let alone the I'm-sick-of-you stage-
Or is that just me?

Well, if it gets stale that quick you are quite the fickle person to me.

Anyways.
It sure was a terrible read that only became more and more irksome as one gets to the end. When there were fifty pages left I was so tired of all that stupid drama that I had to rant up here afterward- it's just so terrible!

There, exclamation marks for emphasis.

'The speaker utilizes this to reinforce the idea that this novel really was a piece of work.'

See? That's why I can't do critical commentaries.


That said, there are good parts to this book. Many people do love it, after all. Makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me, but there we go I suppose.

It really does capture the ugly sides to people, the up and down sides to a relationship, but the created characters are too immature and annoying for them to be likable. Sure the guy is charming, but all that just plummets down the shithole if he isn't capable of making sound decisions.
That isn't human, that's just not being at the right mental state at the right age.

I don't usually bash things I dislike,
But this book just-

I suppose you are done with me for now, huh?

*widens into nicest smile I own, if I do own one*
Trust me, I'm... Nicer than this.
Ha!

Fireworks and sparkling candies galore.

Exams have officially ended just over an hour ago,
And I can barely -ever so slightly- contain my excitement.

What's that I taste, you say?
Freedom!
 Liberty!
...Make my life great again!



Listen,
I've worked my ass off for this.
Sure I'm royally screwed or whatever,
But it's over!

ITS OVAAA,
YOU HEAR ME? OVER! 一切都结束了，我自由了！私わ自由ですわ！

I think, I definitely have just successfully insulted three languages, and it's all at one go.


*squeals*
Imma go take a loooong shower, then decide things from there.
Should I watch movies? There's Storks, Secret life of Pets, Miss Peregrine's School for Peculiar Children, and more, excluding the other free ones online. There are about seven books I wanna be reading, aaand more, excluding those I'm about to abduct from the library; and there's stuffs like going out with friends. (Yes, for once! I shalt not rot in my room with the beautiful silence in this world, not when there's a gloriously long period of five days awaiting my exploitation, starting from now.)

I wanna read at the beach, try swinging from a hammock tied between two trees, learn cycling for the life of me, go to karaoke for the first time in my life, go shop for a million things (because, as we all know) everything breaks down this time of the year. It's not that I'm rough with my belongings- I do take care of them so- it's that they're all cheap stocks with the longevity of non-existence. And so, I shall go shop for more cheap things that look cute. :)
Then, I wanna go get pretty papers and adorable notebooks for my little collection (yeah I'm kinda into dead trees).
I wanna paint a little and get that housewarming gift done (it's been dragging on for faaaar too long); and I'm going to start learning Japanese for real soon- probz in December.
Ah yes, and there's some dramas that I wanna be binge-watching, too!
I've heard that Stranger Things is amazing, so hopefully I can check that one out.
And of course, of course there is anime in my list!

After these five days there'll be Project Work and lessons yet again, sleepless nights and tense thoughts. But let's not think about that for now, shall we?

I may have created a lifelong list instead of one doable in merely five days, but there you go anyway!
I wish I had polish, I do so want to do it.

Oh and do stay tuned for a little not-so-pissed rant for the worst book of the year, coming along soon with loads of vocal commentaries without literary value. *wink*

Food recommendation of the day:
This has no creativity in it but have you ever tried smothering butter croissants in Nutella? It's reeeaaallllyy good. :D Biscoffs are too sweet but they go nicely with coffee, and I wish there was milk in the house because it'd be so much better.


.
Alrightee,
Let's go! *chuckles*

Counting sheep never works.

I haven't been sleeping well lately.

Haha, that was.. new, wasn't it.
I had this weird dream of a cartoon bear getting extremely pissed at a white rabbit, and he was shouting too loudly for me to have peace in my dreams.
Then there's that treasure hunting and zombie apocalypse,
Then there's murder going on
And some unrelated jokes that make me laugh in my sleep. (Oh yes I do wake myself up sometimes)

Ah,
And I wasn't sure before but now it's a definite thing:

I can't fall asleep without noise.
There has to be music or some movie that I let play,
Audio wise it's no longer just a soothing factor but a necessity.

Of course if I'm without access to all these whilst in a camp it doesn't bother me as much,
But when I'm at home and there's nothing playing,
I have my own mind to entertain me and that's a kiss to the goodbye for rest.

all I've had for this entire day is some durian and a piece of bread
So it's not like I should be complaining.

It isn't that I'm dieting or anything like that tho
It's just that I felt like throwing up after eating a little
I felt dizzy and a slight headache was knocking on my temples after Lit today
Shivering on the bus didn't help either.

What to do... I've still got four more days of exams to go

Please, let me sleep well tonight.

Please, please don't get ill.

But seriously
who am I praying to
This is kinda like the wishing and hoping you do during constipation.

Let's talk grades, for once.

I need to vent.

The more I think about it,
The more it's driving me nuts
And the more I'm envisioning the me from two hours ago slapping myself conscious,
Writing down what should be written.


But this is bad, isn't it?

I gotta let this one go and look forward.
Heave, ho.
That's one baggage gone.

Cool down, me.


.
This frustration at myself-
Goodness me.

The worst anger is the kind that you hold towards yourself, like a one-way sword and a sharp one at that.
The thing about exams is that I'm really not faring well in it.
In the worst case scenario, I could get retained.

There, I said it.

There is too much at stake..
Is that why this is happening so consistently?

And I know this sounds absurd, but it's not that I haven't studied.
I know that I began revision early, that I mugged Bio, that I did what I could.
I like Biology. It's.. Nice. It's straightforward (or used to be) and it wasn't ever hard to score.
This year however, I have failed it a number of times,
And it is only through a little blood here and there that I managed to pull it up to a sub-pass during the mid-years. That is honestly a pathetic grade if you think about it: Having never dropped below a B, I thought this was still normal. It is JC after all; everyone enters with failing grades.

Still, the main issue here
That I've just now realized,
Is that I actually do know the answers from my hours of mugging.

But when the hall descends into dark silence and the intense scribbling begins,
I freak out.

My brain stops functioning and I can't process what I've just read.
Yeah, and I do love my books-
Which makes this even more ridiculous for me.

It's not really about pride here;
It's that no matter what I think of during the exam, I shoot down as my sole critic.
As a result, a lot of the things that I do know are not written down.
Furthermore, I'm in a state whereby my brain is hardly functional.

I wasn't even analyzing the questions anymore,
I was desperate,
I wrote two essays in fifteen minutes.

I missed out things.
I wasn't thinking.

My heart thumped and my writing hand lost its strength.
I shook as I wrote.
It didn't even look like English anymore.

Just today..
I did both questions for the last section when it was a choice between the two
And when I recalled a fact that was utterly correct-
One that was seemingly unimportant but that I had memorized and hoped was useful-
Had come out in an exam question.

But I wasn't sure.
I told myself I'd return later to write it down if I had time.

After all, I wasn't sure.

Of course time had to run out, of course I flipping didn't write down something I put in effort for.

And,
There it went.

My sanity, my grade, my chance at getting promoted flew out the window.

I really don't know how I did,
But this freezing up that happens throughout exams needs to stop.

Lit is the only subject that I'm good at now,
But that doesn't mean that my hard work for Bio and Math needs to go down the drain just because I'm constantly thinking that I'm wrong, or that I can't do it.

I need to deal with this, I'm seventeen!
There isn't really a need to tell others, but I gotta stop being so wimpy.

I am-
So angry at myself.

For once, grades are threatening my well-being and so
I can't think of it as an exterior factor any longer.

I have to realize its importance, and resolve all the barriers that are hindering me from it.
Time management and nerves, nerves, nerves, that's what.

.

The earth does not revolve around you.

I just discovered this guy half an hour ago,
And I love love looovee his music and personality.

I've been falling lately, thinking maybe life's just a merry go round.

I like to mess with the people.
^This is the first song I heard of him, and now it's my new favorite.

Many say this, but he's just so sassy, funny, and confident that you can't help but fall in love with him.

Once I have the time, I shall watch his YouTube videos. :>

And oh, did I mention that he's got the best dance moves that I've ever seen?
This guy's just amazing.

Trumpet of bubbles

I feel so dumb whilst trying to face math problems,
But once in a while I manage to somehow do it

And that miracle makes me not feel so dumb after all.

I love this.
It sounds like a trumpet of bubbling rainbows to me even though the lyrics are sad.
Currently, I find the song Closer pretty boring, but perhaps after a couple more listens it'll get better. I've also changed my mind about Dangerous Woman; that's gotten a little dull.

The little wounds on my right foot aren't healing,
Probably due to it being right on the sole.
I'm relatively healthy with a pretty weak skin system,
So once in a blue moon I get attacked by an onslaught of rash that spreads and conquers.

The thing is that it's borderline invisible to the eye, but it's there.

The last time it happened it was both palms,
And it almost killed me.

This time though, it's on both soles
...and it's really uncomfortable.

I'm doing stuffs to make it better, but still.
I guess 'discipline' is key here, after all.

Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it. Don't touch it.
It doesn't exist!!

(The pain..
AGONY! Faaar more greater than yours~)

(Please excuse me)

It itches and aches, but that's too much information huh.

I just hope it all gets better soon.

.
Just a passing thought,
But naked human bodies don't look too attractive, do they?
It's not about acceptance or confidence, it's just the way it looks, to me.
Fit or not.. Excluding your own desires aroused from looking at someone's body (assuming that's how you feel.)
Of course this is subjective, but then perhaps that's where the logic behind modesty and clothes comes from.
Then again, there is lust, and the need to hold it back when unwanted.
That's another reason for clothes huh..
I don't think I'll ever be open-minded enough to go 'it's just skin' and bare myself in so simple a manner. Ultimately, it still makes you feel shy and embarrassed, and it's not like nudity is wrong or disgusting or anything like that.

I'm not making sense as per usual.

Dancing in the moonlight

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=47REH5rgSpw

I'm not too sure about the song beginning with 'I am pretty',

But oh well :p

It's such a stunning film with so many aesthetically appealing aspects to it that you can't really complain about the lack of excitement in it.

Conversely, that laid-back atmosphere is precisely what makes this movie so mesmerizing- it really sucks you in and calms you in that manner. It's like Mushishi, only that that is better (yet another series that I'm in love with, but we shall leave that for another day.)

Back when I first watched it at thirteen it hadn't been captivating at all.

The slow pace didn't interest me, and the simple plot wasn't that comprehensible in terms of the depth it held.

Now that I'm older, I can finally appreciate just how beautiful it all is- the friendship between Arrietty and Sho, the strength of Arrietty, the sweetness of Sho (I loved him), the visuals, the moving music, the touching scenes, the wonderful concept that could have been explored further.
I really reaallyy liked that the dad treated the mom so nicely and did some of the work around the house, too.

Akin to Spirited Away and Howl's Moving Castle, this is a movie I rewatch again and again despite knowing exactly what it holds.

These movies will always have a special place in my kokoro;

And rewatching them always calms and cheers me.

Even if it's just for a bit,

I feel transported.

It's like a vacation for the mind, you see.

Seized.

Something bout you

I think that she is one of the most attractive people I've ever seen,
But I don't like her music, not anymore.

Still, this one song is pretty good in its own way.

.
Does anyone else end up looking like they're plotting something whenever they daydream?
Just me?
I had quite the evil smirk there in the class photo,
the type that screams 'hmph' at the camera
... and I don't even know why.

Goodness me.
Do I... Look at certain people in that manner?

That can't be good can it.

Someone, teach me the art of removing malice from my awkward eyes.
.

Perhaps it is normal that seventeen year-olds start paying more attention to things such as these,
But I'm feeling what's commonly known as infatuation for some guy at school

And you guessed it- I'm the type to freeze up and turn into a chameleon: there's no way he'll notice me.
I don't like feeling this way, which is why I capped a cork on it when it felt like it could overwhelm at one point.
This is bad.. The only thing I'm attracted to is your stare which doesn't give anything away
And that subtle way of averting eye contact whenever you notice something.

(Well.. You do kind of have a nice smile.. Like a little bit of sunshine out there in the woods. It makes me wonder about your laugh, but there we go I suppose.)

Still, you talk way too loud for my liking-
It's just a preference, so it's not like there's anything wrong with you.
Somehow, the allure of someone just decreases drastically whenever usage of the voice isn't in a way that is well thought-out. Your charm plummets immediately.

That, or gentleness just so happens to have more appeal over anything crude or slightly brash.

(But why is it that when you make phone calls, it's impossible to hear you?
Yet, your voice travels across the canteen when you're with your mates...?)

Are you loud.. all the time?
Or is it-

I'm really embarrassing myself up here aren't I.

.

..We've got to get over this little interest of mine soon.

Smiles from a mile away

This is the first time I've prepared gifts for all of the teachers,
And meant it.
They were somewhat obligatory but not completely meaningless,
Presents ended up turning into a bunch of tins full of butter cookies and chocolate bars but I'm glad I got to gift it all out to all these amazing people who deserve it.
To my Lit tutor, by 'eccentric' I meant it as the best compliment I could give someone
But after your warm thanks at receiving the gifts and your reading of the card
you had had the expression that read 'What the heck did I just read'.

In other words, you're unamused
and that kinda made me feel a little down afterward.

Still,
This was quite the cool teacher's day for me.

To my straight faced Bio tutor who cracks jokes in a deadpan manner
I got him a mug that had a guy wearing sunglasses and a potted plant on his head
and it read, 'I'm not a killer'.

It was my intention for people to understand him better, you see.
(After all, he looked extremely intimidating at first glance. Ah, and to the guy readers out there if you exist?
It ain't that true that stoic male figures who own rare smiles are attractive to us- it just means that you've got a rbf like everyone else, that's all.)

To my PW teacher-in-charge,
Yet another serious-looking human who's full of dry humor-
You're the one I wanted to thank the most, really.

^He puts in a lot of effort in entertaining the never ending drafts from everyone,
And doesn't lose his temper. Strangely enough he's unconventional in an indirect manner.. And uh he kinda looks like a typical politician (pffft, and I promise it's not just because of his white clothes. It's that smile, y'know? Thaaaatttt smile.. and way of waving... ahahahaha)
(And it's such an inside joke now that my friend and I can't unsee it any longer.)

I'm glad that even if one or two of you are the biased type,
You aren't the kind to select and pick out students
And try to devalue us, whom you just dislike for some reason.

I will never forget the way one teacher treated me, treated the others with clear distinctions.
That wasn't 'education'. That was a reality check, and I realized just how lost a cause it can become if someone up there gets to be against you.


It doesn't feel like you're full of bombs ready to go off at any second, either.
You don't walk in randomly with black fumes oozing out of you and a killer-mouth that strikes at the unlucky; you don't really lose your patience all that much and you're funny.

That's the mark of good teachers to me,
That's what makes school great for us students, in my opinion.