Sleep? NAHHHH

I shall pull an all-nighter today

That's if my body allows it, anyway

It's been a fun and eventful day

But I'm not gonna let it end just yet

Cause pfft, no one needs sleep

The only thing I need right now

And forever more

Is time with my family.

Starbucks with mum today at 11pm

Just for the one-for-one deal

Dancing with lil bro

In front of the mirror, going 'damn we're good'

Being an annoyance to kor 

Just cuz I can (MUAHAHAHA)

I won't let this amazain day end just yet 

Nopey.

Not so soon 

Even if what I'm gonna do is simply continue dating YouTube. Who knows, we may be bringing our relationship to the -cough- next level -cough- ^~^

Side note: Drama coach mentioned this as his favorite song and I checked it out. Simple melody and lyrics, true raw emotions. It's a great song. Hmm. Perhaps I can cry to this after my first heartbreak
Nice song :)

An old man sits on the bench

Pit pat

Pit pat

Rain falls

Sky clears

Sun sets

Moon sings

Stars dance

Old man sits on the bench

Flashes of past hurt and happiness 

Join to make a stop motion movie

When their eyes met

When the vows were exchanged

When the first bump appeared

When out came a miraculous existence

When the fat drained off

When the lullabies became yelling

When the existence left in search of new life

Old man sits on the bench

The clock ticking, cold harsh exhaustion

The cigarette, magical rings of smoke spiraling up

When he was a boy

When he too jeered at the lion of the house

When he thought of life as an exciting adventure

When he was so sure of leading an extraordinary life

When the train passed and life threw him rejections

[Fast forward]

When the phone call came

When he let the opportunity of a better job pass

When he decided family was top priority

When afterwards love died out and chances were lost

When she found a new man

When he was left with a budding life

[Clock is ticking]

When the creditors came with their pots of paint

When the child came back with bruises, first fight

When the walls collapsed and lava gushed out

[The angel sings]

When the child too started singing lullabies

When the child too struggled to keep love and life alive

[He is called]

When life began where it started

When the cycle repeat itself

[Time is no more]

Old man sits on a bench

The cigarette burns to its last ash

The clock strikes its last groan

The skin around the eye crinkles; 

Oh yes, it was an extraordinary life indeed.

You deserve it

If you don't love yourself
It will show

People will sense it
They will take advantage of you
They will take your smile as is
They won't pry
They won't care

"Nice people always get treated like trash"
True
You can be a little too nice
A little too understanding
A little too willing to listen
But
If you get taken for granted
If you get disrespected
If you can cry in public and garner laughter

I'm sorry to say
You probably don't treat yourself well enough
You probably stay up till 3 to finish projects for irresponsible group members
You probably put all your effort into something, accepting it when all people do is complain
You probably remain silent when they remove you from the scene without telling you beforehand

You probably don't know
That you deserve so much more
You probably don't know
That if you never stop to ask your heart how it feels
If all you do is run and run
If all you ever see is the others,
Never yourself
...
Then it will show
And humans
Being the way they are
Will be quick to sense and access you
As "worthless"
As "stupid"
As "too nice"

And they will be way too quick
To jump on you
Rip you to shreds
See the blood
See your cries
See your trembling

And ignore.


You fall into a dark pit
One with snakes and centipedes
They all whisper the same thing
The one thing you knew all along

That you may have been too nice
That they may have been terrible to you

But you were the one that gave out the signal
The signal that you don't love yourself enough, or even if you do, you put it as second priority.
And so they picked it up and treated you the way you did.

So really, all I wanna say is, please learn to treat yourself well.
You deserve it.
You deserve a lot more.
So, so, so much more.
And I will never stress enough
that expressing anger is extremely important.

So is all other human things that you probably tie and cage up inside of you.

DEM FEELZ

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JygUnTIjb90

This documentary absolutely broke my heart...
The simplest things in life made him so happy, much happier than any of us blessed people living in first world countries could ever be.
The fact that he had such a Samaritan from across the globe was heart warming; it just goes to show that pure kindness exists just as much as the other bad stuffs. The fact that the granny's husband had passed on, unable to make their last promise come true just made me sob harder for all of this.

Even though the guy couldn't be treated entirely, the documentary ended with a positive change in his outlook to life, and we are left with the knowledge that he's in safe hands, even if the kind granny passes on.
Depressing, but heart warming as well.
After all, there's really only so much you can do to help. The only thing left to do is to make the best out of what we have and live with it...
Sigh. Getting teary-eyed again
Wishing the boy a lifetime of happiness..

Flattery

Shallow words

Back and forth

Like spit in a pretty bag

Every day

You see these bags

Thrown around like worthless balls

Too many cooks spoil the broth,

But it doesn't apply here

Nonono

The more cooks, the better

You understand that these bags are called 'technique'

You know that it really does help in cultivating 'relationships'

You are aware that everyone does it, even you

You detest it but can't help but accept that it's part and parcel of life.

You avoid it and cringe when your sensors yell 'alert'.

You tell yourself off for offering compliments that sound like it.

But at the end of the day, it's just you with your internal dialogues and imaginary friends;

And you think, 'it's alright'.

They can lower the value of compliments by offering flattery, but you shall take it as the former.

Just so everything is simpler.

Just so you can stop feeling awkward giving compliments to people you truly think deserves them.

Just so you stop caging in your feelings, and instead, let them out.

 

True love

When I saw you for the first time
I drooled
I asked mum for your name
Took of a picture of us
Cuz you are one beautimous thing
And I knew
That I had stumbled upon true love

That I was gonna stay loyal no matter what
That you are the one who will cheer me up on bad days
That you are the one who will always be there for me
That you are the one.

That's why, when you arrived today
I couldn't contain the child in me
I couldn't not hop and skip over to you
I couldn't stop my heartbeat from escalating and breaking the scale.

Butterflies in my tummy
I made my way over to you
You knew I was coming over
I knew you were expecting me
But when I was just one step away from you

I stopped.
The fears returned to haunt me

And I hesitated.

But you and your charms
Pulled me back into your loving arms
Like a warm bowl of soup in a beggar's hands
I couldn't hold it back any longer
And dived right into you and your amazain qualities

Now I'm regretting it
Like I always do
Because you are amazing
And your impressive name
Is what I call the bane
Of my existence

But I love you and that will never change.
.
.
.
Ice cream >3
You my bae

Ginger tea

EDIT: I feel worse. The pain is back and I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die. My best guess is the lemon juice present in this tea... :<

So I woke up with severe diarrhea today at 4:30am. Traumatized by the prospect of some witch casting a spell on me, I lay in my bed trembling like a frightened mouse.

Make your own ginger tea

Once daylight rolled around and I could whine about it to my amazing parents, I decided that witches didn't exist and I should do something for the drama-queen named my belly. Just drank homemade ginger tea and it wasn't impressive, simply cuz I put too much ginger and let it steep for too long. Nonetheless, it kinda made me feel better, and I would think that the burn at the back of your throat makes for a great drink in winter.

Hm. Maybe this will be useful in the future. In the future, here, in Singapore. 

...Yeah.

Becoming healthy

At the beginning of every holiday, you give this inspirational speech about becoming healthy, happy, and smarter.

Never happens.

The holiday is coming to an end in 2 weeks' time, but you're gonna try anyway.

You are tired of seeing stars everywhere whenever you stand up, after all.

You are tired of waking up in the middle of the night, searching about it and getting freaked out by otherworld theories about it, after all.

You are tired of having irregular periods and terrible cramps, after all.

So yep.

Let me pledge once again, from the gazillionth time in my life, on this blog that no one knows the existence of, that I shall try to be healthier. Do simple exercises like the article suggests, and stop being so hooked on cold drinks.

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16543/you-only-need-3-minutes-of-intense-exercise-per-week-to-improve-your-fitness.html?utm_campaign=recommendation&utm_medium=popular&utm_source=feature

Sleep

I am sleep deprived.

The thought of sleeping is associated with waking up to a brand new day and less time for anything.
It's crazy how that makes me not want to go to sleep, jack up my sleep routine and already haggard body, regret it and repeat it the next day.
It's crazy how I ruin my body that already has low blood pressure and sugar even more just for a senseless thought.
It's crazy how I'm sitting here blogging, sincerely not doing anything meaningful---not even watching a suspenseful drama--- just watching the hours tick by, unwilling to go to sleep.

Even though, my body aches and my head throbs.
Damn, Jie Ying.
Just go to sleep.

Gogogo!!

Lunch

You get invited to lunch.
With... A couple.
A fresh one, the love like fairy's brew.
The girl is your friend
And you can't help grinning
At the pure, sweet romance fluttering in front of you
Every action and glance
"Aww"

Then it strikes you that you are totally out of place,
That you have no idea how to use a fork and your mouth,
That when the guy compliments the girl and she gushes,
You stare at a bird on the roof,
Willing it to swoop down and carry you home.
People rarely blush nowadays
You probably didn't but you felt your face burn up.

"Awkward" doesn't begin to explain what you feel
Like a lightbulb, you light up at their cute ways
Like a lightbulb, you try to delicately balance the switch between 'on' and 'off'
Like a lightbulb, you have absolutely, absolutely no idea what to do.

The rice snickers and jeers at you.
"What, looking at intimacy makes you embarrassed? Grow up!"
Yeah, yeah.

And so you silently congratulate,
Glad for the absence of unrequited love,
Glad for your friend's happiness.
Glad that you are single because now you finally are equipped with the knowledge of how couples actually look like to outsiders.

You stifle a smirk at your silent joke, one of many you crack daily to amuse yourself.
You smirk again at how weird this sounds.
And then again at how weird it sounds to say how weird it sounds.
And then you--

Then realize, that this awkward cuteness has made your day.
.
.
.
And probably gave you diabetes while at it.

Addictive

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Qc9c12q3mrc

Fiery and dangerous love huh.

Mm.
Sounds great. ;)

You don't understand

You know what they say: You don't understand.
You haven't been through the same things, you don't understand.
You don't know the feelings, thought processes, and the waves that crash in on you.
You don't know.

But what if I told you that other than empathy, there wasn't just sympathy?
What if I told you that the fact that you were so important to me made me understand, just by how your voice broke at the end of your sentence, just by how you stopped talking and just sat there quietly, twiddling your thumbs... I saw and felt the amount of pain you suppressed?
That 'understanding' didn't necessarily mean that I have to go through the exact same scenario to feel for you?
That the best thing in this world: To understand and be understood: is the precious gift I wrap so meticulously in floral wrapping paper just the way you like it, with ribbon that odd shade of green, tissue paper that unusual crinkly kind that scrunches up at the corners---just to give it out to people like you who are so important to me.
So please, please, please... Don't say I don't understand because that scares me. It tells me you are going to set up barriers made of cold cement, not hear me, be all alone.. And you do.
I felt it, I sensed it, every nerve trembled to find the right word.
But I was at a loss.
Because you scared me and I have no way out or in.

I can only stare so helplessly at the one so important to me.

Suicide

Suicide.
Can be an escape.
Things happen,
You don't wanna face it

Your heart screams it's been bit.
Bitten red, bitten hard
Bleeding gut.

Suicide,
Can be a solution.
Things happen,
You don't know if facing it helps.

Your heart screams its desperation.
Desperation for love, for what's lost
Lost like the shoe washed down a stream
Lost like the angry words spit in a heated argument
Lost like the broken tendons in a heart

That will never repair itself,
That will never heal,
That will never mean what it meant in the moment.

But still you live.
Because cliched as it sounds, suicide is not an option and things will come to pass.
Time will stitch up broken hearts and glue shut the cracks. It will soften the edges of shards and beautify the vase again to become the clear glass everyone remembers and loves.
But if you choose to suicide, it's an end, a wall you build that can never be taken down.
It's a door you lock that can never open by smashing your whole body against it, like they do in movies.
It's a story you seal with a quivering lip and shaky handwriting, an envelop that stays shut.
It's your story you seal, your path you lock, your future you block.
I will not slam and hate on the choices people make.
I will not pretend to understand anything; I am in no position to give advice on something I am supposedly ignorant of. But if possible, I would like for them to see and know, that suicide is not an option.
It never was, never should be.

Because then you will be giving your heart the opportunity to stop screaming and start singing.

Timing

Timing is everything.
Missing the bus could cause you to be late and hence, punished. Bad mood, bad day, bad choices,
Consequences.
Missing the perfect timing to confess will cause the person to doubt you for real, and you will never be the same again.
Missing the apology thinking it isn't needed will hurt the person so much your relationship cracks and sinks like the Titanic.

Just a moment earlier or later changes everything.

And when you realize what could have been if you were just a little earlier, you get this feeling alike to a starving disease, gnawing at your heart and eating vulnerable pieces off it, all the while crashing through the defenses of the stronger parts.
You picture what it would be like if you had skipped a thought, a beat, an action.

If only you looked at that thing earlier---even by one second--- you would have arrived at that thought earlier and it would not have been too late.
Regret?
Yes, but no.

Would you not have fantasised about the hundreds of possibilities that could have occurred to prevent this tragedy?
Would you not have wished to be the one couple in a tragic movie, that gets to live on happily ever after?
Would you not have been irrational like a human?

The thoughts dart around inside your head, the thousands of voices all speaking the same thing, the tears threatening to overflow but your eyes remain dry, dry, dry like the desert, dry and desperate for something possibly impossible to reach.
The angel and devil quarrels but they aren't as aggressive as before. The characters put on their superhero suits and personas but they don't save you. They can't.
Everything comes to a standstill and you sit and watch the color drain from everything.

You wait for the colors to come back.
Come back like the rain always does, like the rainbow after a storm, like a hug after an argument.
But it doesn't come.

And still, you live.

Bucket of tears

Sometimes what hurts the most is not the passing away of a loved one.
It's the emptiness that follows from the realization of losing the comfy blanket of support you could fall back on,
And that you have now lost this wonderful presence in your life.
That you now have to live on, possibly alone, with the sole memory of what they gave you while they were still there.
That they were gone,
Was not just a word.

Gone.

The harsh reality sets in that now is really when you have to make the choice.
It will be lonely and painful, but living on was what they wanted and you have to carry out the promise, for if you don't it would make their existence naught, and make them fade away quicker.
To suicide would be to escape.
It's not wrong, it's not cowardly. It's depressing.

To live would be to be the one who carries the weight of their name, their being, their soul.

And their love for you.
Will not be gone for as long as you live.

But if something died inside when they passed,
Will you truly live and have lived?

Honesty. Best policy?

I think of it as my lifelong mission to be there for people when they don't have anyone else.
I think of advice as something I give and give, but never really utilize it myself.
I'm aware, and I'm trying to improve.

Sometimes my honesty is not well received and it backfires.
I remember telling a guy at work his flaw: "You are one of the better people I've met, but you... You have this tendency to blame your mistakes on others, and it's not a very nice thing to do."
A pause. And it's usually during this pause that I quickly assess whether I should continue, or shut up and accept that it's not me you will take this from. That you will still learn about it at some point in your life, but through the hard way, through society's heartless lessons.
I really hate to see people learning through pain. It is what it is: pain.
Why would you ignore something you can try to correct?

Luckily for me, this guy took it well. Even though, he did spend the rest of the day asking me if he was 'terrible to work with', and that really made me feel guilty for being too harsh.
:<  [sorriehh]

There are others, though, who see it as an insult and will outlive god to have the last word at how I was wrong about him. I understand it's not pleasing to the ear. I understand this might be the first time anyone has been honest (brutally so, stupidly so) about what they see in you. I understand that sparks anger.

But it's also my wish that when I take the deep plunge of faith and courage in telling you what I try to be so honest about, you will fight back the compulsion to fire back.
Because, this isn't an argument.
Because, it makes me doubt the words I chose, and I might end up not telling this to those who needs it the most.
This... This right here is what makes me take the plunge anyway.

AWH SO KYOTE

How is this creepy?!

THEY ARE SO CUTE I CAN'T

AND YES I SHOULD FINISH MY SENTENCE.

Woah

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=k4ixAfJ1LuI

I just love how he stopped to comb his hair, wag his finger, and then continue the song. xD
#awestruck hehehe

Auto Tune

One word: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 😂😂

Chanced upon this video on Facebook and I pretty much died.
Oh, music these days.😂
That poor guy though... Hehehe xD

On a more serious note, auto tune has always been something people think of as a tool for the untalented. When singers use it, it's because their natural vocal ranges are limited, and so on. From the many comments on YouTube, I think I can go as far as saying that the usage of auto tune in songs is despised by many even though I do agree, to a certain extent; that auto tune is sometimes used to make a singer sound better than he actually is, and for the song to be more appealing.
Afterall, in today's age, when you produce music and make it your career, sales is your number one concern. It's only normal that whenever one tries to put out a new song, his first thought is 'Will this sell?' or 'Is it catchy enough to be liked?' since music is now not just a passion, but a livelihood.

However, 'Music' is defined as a series of harmonious sounds. Even without a strong and soulful voice, a song can sound great if the tunes and instruments are in harmony. And that includes the usage of auto tune.
Of course, I understand that this is a very unpopular opinion. One will think it 'unfair' that meaningless songs and artists with no real talent get to be famous whereas people with godly vocals never get to be in the spotlight.
I get it.
But hey, like I said, music is a series of harmonious sounds. If you find yourself dancing to a song and being unable to get it out of your head, would you hate that song for not being 'real'?
No! Because you love that song and its now your new jam.
It's music.
Just like how people regard a blank canvas or a stroke on a canvas as 'Art' because of the endless possibilities, it's also possible to regard music these days as music. If it appeals to your ears, then it's music. It's got a sick beat. You love it. That's how simple it is, really.
Sure, many songs are famous only for their lyrics on inappropriate topics, and their oh-my-god-whattt music videos. People tend to love the idea of sitting behind their computer screens, going on and on about how music has become this filthy, worthless thing, and that the singer is using auto tune, shouldn't get all this love, bla bla bla---which brings me to my next point.
Why hate on something you hate? Yeah, songs like 'Anaconda' is... Ah. Amusing but definitely not meaningful.
 Nicki Minaj is doing her thing. Whether it's showing off her assets because she has them (don't get started on her 'fake' ass), or doing actions that makes one cringe, it's her music video. She does what she does. If you don't like it, you don't have to go there and make the special effort to type out a 500-reply (says me who's writing this chunk) and get other haters to support you and hate on her.
People are who they are. They screw up, they make silly decisions, they hurt others. But it's their lives and you have nothing to do with it.
I feel, that rather than hating on someone you have never met and judging them based on a 4 min video, you might want to spend that time on something more important.
Instead of watching a video, hating it, letting the world know you hate it, why not don't watch it at all, seek out things you love and appreciate the greatness of it.
Life can be as simple as you want it to be: Stay away from the negative, and stay close to the positive.
Isn't that all there is, really?

Grown up too fast

Lyrics true to one's soul. Check them out!

I discovered this band while I was at Verve--An Arts Festival (search for their page on Facebook ^_^)
and this was the song that moved me to tears and made me remember them.
Rachel has such a unique singing style; its gentle and soulful, and it just feels like no one else other than her could have pulled it off so well.

Indeed, we grow up. As time flows like an unforgiving leaky faucet, we change. Sometimes it's a choice, other times we are forced to do so. Nonetheless, we have all experienced the 'loss of innocence' phase, cheesy as it sounds.
It can also get pretty upsetting if you think back on how you used to be so simple; taking people's words at surface level, not understanding nor aware of the dark complexities in life, and thinking of the world as either black or white. There was no grey. There were no webs that you could get lost in trying to figure out the underlying truths.
It was.. Simple. Simple like a bowl of white rice that, if chewed and kept in your mouth for long enough, could give you a subtle taste of sweetness that lingers but doesn't overpower.
You were a blank canvas. You trusted everything you were told. If black paint was accidentally knocked over you, you would admire the shine and depth of the colour. If a dirty green spot of paint was put on you, you associated it not with mold but with the beautiful evergreen trees, and look up to them for their willpower during storms and the winter.
Winter wasn't the cruel cold but a wonder to behold.
Of course, it's your choice to look at the glass as half full or empty.
But a cup of pure, plain water gets easily jaded and tainted.
It gets murky, and suddenly it's difficult to see where you are going. Or who you are.
They call it 'emo'.
I call it human.
So yes, go ahead. Be jaded, be 'emo', lose your way, lose your reason to live. But at the end of the day, remember that a lamp, now dim and flickering, still shines within you. It has always been there, and it's waiting for you to notice it. It wants you to realise that even in this cold place we call the world, beauty exists.
Beauty. It exists.
It really does.

First post

So I finally created a blog. 

Spent time fussing over the title and my profile, only to copy the exact name of the site as the title.

I'm productive like that. 

Like the beautiful and rich colour maroon, the calming and intriguing forest, and the wonderful contrast between the two colours... I think of life as the same.

Like the simplicity I was brought up with, the warmth I was taught to give and receive, and the unconditional love I was bathed in... I wish life were the same.

Like the honesty needed to help others, the sweetness of a heartfelt piece of advice, and the comfort of silence without trying too hard... I try to make life the same.