Heavy shelter; Do you hear the storm?

There was a certain forlorn quality to it, the way patients in the Chronic Illness Ward lay in their beds, motionless, with tubes running past them, through them, and into cold machines supposedly meant for comfort and life.
Quiet Chinese songs in the background gives the first impression of serenity, but one minute is all it takes for the loneliness to kick in.

You imagined being in the same position as them
And felt as though it was inappropriate to do anything
As though pity would arise from too much time and feed on pride,
Or the heaviness would leak and expose your weak persona

You felt like crying
And it felt wrong to feel that way.

It was an experience heavier and with much more emotional intensity than you'd first painted it out to be, and while it was an eye-opener and a great experience, it sure closed all thoughts regarding the occupation.
You don't have it in you-- 'The heart' as the lecturer had said, and the capacity to give.

You now have a newfound respect for those in healthcare, particularly nurses.


It was realized, too
That you've been living in a well your whole life
And while it had been clear all along
It has never been as crisp or as distinct.

You are, in fact, so ignorant of the world you can be considered dumb.
You feel dumb.

Other than feelings there should be depth and thoughts, and trains for opinions.
You have no opinions.

You have to improve.

And while feelings still gnaw at your heart and will ever remain a main takeaway from any camp or event that you choose to take part in,
It is time you started filling that empty cavity of a head with more things.

To sum it up?
Talking to mannequins and doing nasogastric tubes or ECGs on them was pretty new.
Learning about epilepsy, wound dressing and taking the blood pressure was interesting.
Listening to unasked-for ghost stories was pretty good, too.

I didn't have much fun, but I learned and I saw.

And I intend to go for more of these.