Marapay wrap-up

There is a lot to be said.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gRwFRMGpTWg

For now,
The focus shall be on March/April/May wrap-up (Now you have an idea of the reason for the catchy title); I have dragged it on for far too long. It's quite the pathetic number of books, but it isn't really about quantity but the pace and the habit of reading that I'm trying to inculcate in myself again.
I swear, it came extremely easily as a child- I used to reread Mr Meddlesome and camp at the reading corner in school.
Now however I find it increasingly harder to relax and sit down to a good book.
My mind's somewhere else half the time, and I feel anxiety at not doing something else whilst reading. Unhealthy, I know- I'm trying to rectify it.

But on to the books. I've rather enjoyed a couple of them, quite immensely.

1) The five people you meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
It's about a man, Eddie, who dies in an accident in an amusement park, from trying to save a little girl. He then meets five different people in the Afterlife, who teaches him lessons he needs to learn.
I'll warn you beforehand that this book was read in March and a lot has happened since then, including information-overload, events, and loads of other things. In short, I don't actually remember much of this book except for the general feeling that it was too preachy and too.. 'good'. D'you know what I mean?
This is the first book I've read of Mitch Albom despite having wanted, since a long time ago, to read Tuesdays with Morrie first. Oh well. I had really high hopes for this writer, and was a hundred percent sure that I'd love him. Since it's only been one book I shall not jump to conclusions, but based on this single piece of handiwork I shall tell you what I think: I found it slightly preachy that
forgiveness is needed for one to move on- especially when it concerns oneself. I didn't really like the idea of repenting for things you didn't do either, not exactly. (for instance, indirectly causing the death of someone else, in that if he hadn't died you would have died, and by him dying you are responsible in some way.) Perhaps I had read it wrong, because I did get the other message that you can't blame yourself for things- certain things are meant to happen and you can't dwell forever on what might  have happened and what-if questions.
Here's my take on hatred being poison you drink that you wish fervently to kill the other party: I don't exactly agree. Sure, it destroys you to hold onto hatred. Since I don't have hate in my life, I sure can't speak much on the matter. But I do have my little sparks of anger that I smother and keep stashed away beneath my words, so using that as my limited means of explanation, I have only this to say: I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting. If anger is there, you keep it. You keep it, and you learn from it, just so you don't fall for the same traps in people again. When time heals (and it will, surely), you learn to let go. But should it anger you again, or should you never forget, or never forgive.. You shouldn't feel obliged to 'forgive'. Because forcing yourself to do so only causes you to suppress feelings and aggravate them in the future. Perhaps it's just me, but I can afford to move on and live like myself even with this anger in my heart, unforgotten. At least I'm honest with myself, and I let my heart feel what it feels- for it isn't right, or good for you, to condition yourself into thinking a certain way just because its been said to be the better way out.
So there. I may not have forgiven. And I most definitely haven't forgotten. But it makes me a better person to hold onto these things, and it's simply because the act of holding on causes me to never get consumed or overwhelmed by feuds of the past.
I hope what's up here isn't senseless rambling but words that make sense, not just to me, but to you, too.

2) 12 years a slave by Solomon Northup
The eloquence in this book was astounding. See what I did there *smirks*
But really, I wasn't expecting it to be such an objective view on slavery despite the brutal sufferings inflicted upon the narrator. Books are usually written in a way that draws readers in, in that every painful experience is detailed and personal, and written for the sake of entertainment. More often than not, it's like a movie that you're watching with popcorn in your sweaty palms, sobbing and waiting with anticipation with the full knowledge that all of it is fictional, that it isn't real. Thus, you can safely weep and laugh before going to bed at night with a satisfied smile playing on your lips.
Whilst this book was detailed and personal, it was honest to the point of detachment, in that the writer strives to be as unbiased as possible, so as to reflect the truest sides of slavery trade to its readers. That I'd found really admirable, considering that having experienced such cruelty,  writing whilst keeping feelings in check was achieved.
Really, I was very impressed. As stated by many other reviews, books in general romanticize slavery or use it as a mere plot tool, such that readers don't see the sheer extremity of the devastation it
Pcauses, and I'm so glad I read this book, because now I've learnt things, however meager. Thankfully it no longer exists, but isn't trafficking the new slavery? When, exactly, will such things  cease to be forced upon people?

I loved the film as well- Great acting, scripting, great way of putting it all together. The scene towards the end of Solomon leaving Patsey was exactly as I'd pictured it, and it made me bawl, more so than the book did. Certain parts were changed though, like Patsey begging to be killed by Solomon because she didn't have the bravery to commit suicide, or William Ford being a hypocritical master, or Solomon pleasuring Patsey at the beginning of the film. (Quoting from reviews)
I thought that all these were either misreadings of the book or mere tactics to make the film sell, which is a shame, but I'm not complaining anyway- cuz if I hadn't read the book I would have interpreted these scenes in different ways and they'd have still sent out powerful messages.
So yes. To be frank, I desperately needed to cry, and it wasn't a mood swing or a mere whim, but a need at the time, and this'd helped.

3) Tiger Tiger by Margaux Fragoso
Goodness, this book.
It's non-fictional like 12 years, and goodness, was it powerful.
This book talks about pedophilia and the effects it has on a growing child. Don't worry, it's not as dull as I'm making it out to be. But it broke my heart for how truthful it was (because it is, after all, real): How Peter (the old man) manipulated Margaux, how Margaux's family background had everything to do with why he succeeded, how it broke Margaux and followed her through to adulthood, and how she never actually understood all that until she was much older, which was pretty late.
It wasn't just an interesting insight into pedophilia; it was heart wrenching and memorable, and it makes you wish that no one falls prey (not just) to pedophiles, but manipulation in general.

4) Matched by Ally Condie
This is one of those love stories that takes place in a world where who you love and what you eat, do, or learn is decided and planned for you, in a system that ensures conformity and people who follow orders without questioning. Who you marry is generated by a computer, and you can either marry that person and have children at a designated age, or choose not to marry and remain single forever.
I quite liked that poetry and hand-written words became this highly prized thing that is forbidden, and that songs were corrected by computers to have the perfect pitch. I loved that how much you run and all that you do, down to when you die, is set in stone, and the protagonist both conforms and has some unconventional thoughts, thereby contributing to internal conflicts that both interests other characters and pushes them away from her.
I loved the one poem in the book as well. How it eventually became this symbolic love song transmitted via secretive words was amazing- that's the kind of love story that I believe in.

5) Insurgent by Veronica Roth
Yeah, I know I'm the tortoise trying to crawl onto the bandwagon.
This series just doesn't do it for me, y'know? It's good, but Tris hardened too quickly, too easily, in the first book. We see a lot of breakdowns in the second one, but I just don't feel as much for Tris as I should.
I did really like that Four trusted her so much tho
Welp. Moving on to Allegient next, I really do hope that I'll have something else to say about this series. Someone spoiled it for me already so I know the ending, but hopefully the book itself changes that. Thing is, it just isn't as addictive or absorbing as all other teens rave about, and I'll have to read more before concluding.

6) Dorothy must die
This is a rewritten version of Dorothy in Oz, and it sounded interesting enough that all the good guys are apparently bad in this newly crafted world, and that Good Witches are bad and vice versa.
Having never actually watched Oz, I feel like I've ruined it for myself by grabbing this book first.
But I've heard some good things about this book, and so couldn't resist bringing it home when I saw it sitting in the school library bookshelf.
Anyways.
Lemme start the review off with-
The angst made me want to kill myself.
Seriously.
For goodness' sake, the first fifty pages of the protagonist being in high school, throwing cringe-worthy lines around, from flirting through teaching a guy math to a pregnant teen thinking that it'll make the guy come back to her..all that was unnecessary and boring and immature to the point where I was this close to putting my head through a wall.
Angst in YA books are usually good in that it provides spunk to the writing and some interesting flair, not.. This.
It only started getting better when she got into the actual warped world of Oz and we were introduced to evil characters and the twisted ways of the world.
However, this book was slow-paced and while it can be understood that teenage girls with raging hormones feel the hots for just about any good looking guy, the way it was written in this book just made me want to stop. I didn't because the world building was good, and so was everything else.. Everything but the angst.
On one hand there are books like Divergent that creates overtly perfect characters. On the other extreme end, we have protagonists who speak so much like the typical Starbucks girl fangiring over her latest celebrity crush it annoys you and ruins the entire experience. I appreciate a healthy balance between the two, and this book was just..
I'm not sure I like it, but we shall rate it as a border-line hate I guess. I still do want to know what happens in the end, as well as how the world is expanded.
Side note?
I anticipated the last line of the book.
I saw it coming.
Not that it's something to be that proud of,
But I bragged to everyone I saw that day.

7) The Winner's Curse by Marie Rutkoski
I remember the first book- it was highly intelligent, well-paced, with lovable characters who can think for themselves. This one, as expected from reviews, has Kestrel the protagonist playing the fool because of love, and Arin the guy being blind from everything.
I hate misunderstandings- Not just in real life, but in books and dramas as well.
Perhaps it's not surprising that I really didn't appreciate this sequel- Missed timings and inaccurate calculations can be really good, but only if it doesn't compromise on the love that characters hold for each other. Call me a sick romantic, but I absolutely detest it when characters doubt each other. That is the one thing that I don't want to be realistic in books- People doubt each other enough as it is, do please provide me with the respite of trust and unwavering love in fiction, won't you?
I shall latch my hands onto the third book so that this pain I feel for Kestrel is put to rest.

8) Red Queen
Ah, this book.
It is set in a world where red bloods are trodden upon for not having powers, and silver bloods who have powers who do the treading, and the hierarchy that comes along with it.
I have to say, I picked this one up because i needed a light-hearted, cliché read.
This book however turned out to be full of twists and turns and betrayals, and it was heavier than expected. I saw the twist coming but didn't want it to happen. Oh well. Guess I had my heart shattered there. But I'd been sure that the protagonist would succeed in the end, which was why I picked it up in the first place. There's four books to this series tho, so that's that. I'm done grieving for how I'm to wait till next year for the third book.
In general, I liked this book. I wasn't expecting so much sadness in this, but it was a great read regardless.

9) Glass Sword
The sequel to Red Queen.
Here we have more heartbreaks, and if you thought that Red Queen was addictive, wait till you get to this one.
As a bio student, I had a great laugh about a certain death in this one. Not before crying, of course. A lot of crying. I suppose the writer doesn't understand Biology well, but she sure knows grief and what it does to you.
Halfway through I was wondering if the protagonist was too perfect, but no. She doesn't sound like your typical teen, but she sounds young, with loads to learn. That's the kind of character that is lovable, don't you think? There is a lot of character growth, and unlike Tris which hardened way too smoothly, this character changed from being jaded and broken, betrayed and pieced together yet again. In Red Queen she was the fool, which pretty much doesn't happen in most books nowadays, and you as the reader get to be a fool along with her, and it's very refreshing. It also makes it all the more heart breaking.
I wasn't that into Red Queen at first, but by the time I had my hands on Glass Sword I'd formed an attachment with the characters. Glass Sword delves deeper into the crevices of the heart, yanking it open and forcing it to crack more.
It was.. Really sad. But good. And I as I've said am currently grieving over how I have to wait till next year- next year! This wait is so painful my goodness.

10) The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Andieh
This is a cliché book.
A book tuber raved about it and said all sorts of good things about it, but all I see is cliches and expected turns, expected likable characters and an expected love story.
But you know what, I love cliches- it's just what I needed.
The story goes like this: every dawn the prince takes a new bride and kills her, and the protagonist seeks revenge for her friend, who was one of those brides.
I hope I'm not spoiling this for you, but I liked that everything about this book is clichéd and expected. (I need a wider range of vocabulary.)

11) Aristotle and Dante discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz
This book is about acceptance. Growing up, sexuality, love, and accepting oneself and the others. It is beautiful. The writing is beautiful, the characters wonderfully built upon, the style poetic, the cover beautiful, the character's thoughts extremely accurate and real. The emotions in this are so raw and grating that it leaves you slightly bruised, slightly scarred, and smiling because it was that windy a ride. After finishing it all you want to do is to curl into bed and finish tearing up.
This book makes you happy. It makes you warm inside.
There are two wonderful families and powerful dialogues.
It is a beautiful book, and a new favorite.
One day I will reread Perks of being a Wallflower, Lord of the Flies, and this.

This, I assure you, will be the first.

That's it I think.
It's an average of 3-4 books each month, so I suppose I didn't do too bad, considering how absolutely exhausted I was. The past term has been nothing short of draining, and I have my disturbing dreams to act as proof of that. Guess that means that the beautiful dreamcatcher I finally got doesn't exactly work, but I never believed in those things anyway.
Feels good to finally be doing this list, as much time as it took.

It always feels good to do something you've been putting off for a long time, enjoyable or not.
Next, I will paint.
It will be a housewarming gift for a childhood friend, and I will prepare her birthday gift in advance.
Then, I will study and prepare for all the things coming up.
Its been raining a lot recently, so things have only been getting better. Furthermore, I'm finally trying out new food and different things. For once, I stopped getting curry chicken rice from the same Japanese stall in school- I switched to whimsical food choices for each day. Guess that isn't much to talk about, but I'm proud of myself. I've been having that same dish for a year, now.
Ordering beef burgers at Mac or trying out places like MosBurger has me grinning all day long, too. Food is good. It is the meaning to every single bad and good thing in life.
As someone who loses her appetite whenever stressed or upset, it's a pretty good feeling to be wanting and craving food on a regular basis, and I have a youtuber to thank for that.

Watching her helped so much. It makes me happy, too

Aaaaaand
That's it.
Let's make this a wonderful holiday, shall we? :>