"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

^ This is why lessons are really interesting.
Aside from observing the teachers and their teaching styles, you get to learn philosophical stuffs.
Currently we are discussing Happiness and what constitutes to it during English lessons, and that is a really great subject to delve deeper into.
English literature allows you to think about quotes like these,
And circle time in class makes it possible to listen to the different points of views on the exact same thing.

Someone thought of the seven ages as different stages in life, while others thought that the stage refers to people who put on different masks in front of different people. Someone else thought of the exits and entrances as the time in the limelight being over, and the 'players' going offstage to prepare for the spotlight again.

Life is a game after all, and we are all merely players in it.
Some get to shine on stage, while others are busy playing their individual games, and don't ever get to shine on stage.

Perhaps, this 'stage' is a platform for one big performance.
Perhaps, all of these is one big devised performance, and when players go on stage and 'improvise', they are in fact just playing accordingly to the script that was written beforehand.
Perhaps, while we think of it as us playing a chess game with our own wills, we are in fact just the chess pieces on the board, moved by some existence unbeknownst to us.

Perhaps, this existence could be a god. Perhaps, it isn't.

We will never know.
Although, it is possible that the idea of 'gods' was conjured up just so there can be a figure of perfection and protection, that humans can believe in in order to ensure order, or in some way, justice.
Perhaps, it was so that humans could worship something of the unknown, and place trust in it for the way they lead their lives.

Again, we will never know.

Religion is an interesting thing, but it is important to be careful not to let it govern your life, for that would be a set of rules that, of course can never be justified to be true or right, but can and will be used in order to manipulate people.
Religion itself can be an innocent thing that can be true or false.
However, religion can be used as an extremely powerful tool to brainwash people and drive them to perform certain acts, for example, harming others---and still make them feel that it's justified for them to do so.
Bottom line is, everyone has their own religion (or not for freethinkers), and while it's perfectly fine to believe in your own religion, it is also of utmost importance that you think about the preachings and ideas presented to you by your religion.
Before trusting in it blindly, think about whether or not it is right.
For example, is homosexuality really a sin?
Is it a sin to love someone you love, especially since one almost always has no choice over choosing who to love?
Why do you condemn a concept that's so simple and common---just because of how it's between two of the same gender--- and just because religion tells you so?

Faith is good.
Loyalty is good.
However, blind faith will result in close mindedness, and that isn't very good, is it?

There's no need to hate on a certain religion for its preachings, or for cases publicized about how that  religion has caused them to hurt others; because personally, I feel that it's not the religion's fault.
Religion was written by humans, after all.
The believers are humans, too.
It is these humans that don't evaluate things before blindly believing in it, and it is these humans that use religion to manipulate other believers into doing things they wouldn't have done otherwise in a clear state of mind.
Not all are victims, but not all are antagonists either.
It isn't entirely the religion's fault. If anything, it's the humans'.
Through assuming that a certain religion breeds terrorists, or homophobic people, or brainwashed followers, you are stereotyping. You are not thinking in depth about the reasons for these things.
You are expressing anger, perhaps from your own heart, but perhaps too because it seems right to do so.
You have hate, perhaps from your own loss, but perhaps too because you have concluded without true knowledge of the subject.

That is not right.
And if you have managed to read till here without exploding into fits of anger or closing your mind, I salute you.
I salute you because you are flexible enough to not let your mind shut down from things you cannot agree with for the time being.

And that is great.
That is really, really great.

It's so tough to be assertive when you find it tough to hurt others' feelings.

But it has to be done.

Perhaps, all the other issues can't be solved yet; it's too difficult for you to do so.

For now, tackle it one at a time.

For now, set that one thing straight.

For now, follow your heart and try not to let things complicate further.

 It should be fine.

.
.
It will be fine.

Start over

Mind games are alike to chocolate fondues

It can be extremely sweet or slightly bitter

Depending on the chocolate you use

Dependent on the one making it

The first bite is thick, rich, and creamy

The second bite, you savor the subtle bitter aftertaste

The third bite, you reach for the strawberries for a contrast

The fourth bite, you go back to the dense pound cake cubes

The fifth bite, you decide to have something else

The tenth bite, you find the bitter aftertaste getting stuck to your tongue

It's slightly difficult to get it off

You drink water, but it only makes you feel bloated

The fiftieth bite, you feel a little ill

It's a little too rich and decadent for you

And you just can't appreciate the goodness of it anymore

You want something else.

You need something else.

The hundredth bite.

"Enough," you announce.

You stand up, wipe the edges of your lips with the napkin

The napkin is now stained

You walk away.

A few days later, you recall only the sweetness of the first bite

You crave it.

You need it.

The cycle repeats until the bitter taste stays lingering on your tongue like a stubborn stain on the kitchen stove

You remember both the ups and downs

But this time, enough is enough.

This time, no amount of missing it will make you walk back to the table.

You may crave it again later in the future,

But for now, it's enough.

It should stop.

.

Mind games.

You can see through it.
At least, you think you can. 

You can guess the motives, the scenarios, the advice from friends that encouraged it
At least, you think you can.

You like the feeling of excitement from it

You find it amusing

Cute, even.

But now it's getting a little tiring.

Now, there's no way out or in,

And all you can see ahead is pure complication.

Yes, the games were entertaining and kyote while they lasted.

But constantly seeing through and guessing your actions can be exhausting.

I want pure feelings.

Pure actions, not mind games, not 'techniques', not 'hot and cold method to get her attracted'.

That only misleads us.

That only misleads you, too.

So please, if you don't mind, could you stop with the games?

We could start over again.

We could be more candid and natural around each other.

We could start a friendship.

I could get to know you.

Because currently,

All I see is the games.

And the peeling of the layers of wrapping paper is getting...annoying.

I'm sure you are getting tired of it too.

So please, let's start over again. 

Can?

Of course, you won't be seeing this anyway.

So it has to start from me.

I have to stop responding to the games by not playing it myself.
It was innocent and cute at first, but now it's not. 

I should show you what's  truthfully me.

And if you realize that I'm not what you like,

That I'm not the sweet and quiet girl you thought I was, 

That I'm not as simple and graceful as I seemed,

You can at least move on to someone better.

Cuz, all I want to do is get to know you. 

Rest in peace... And thank you.

Thank you for everything you have done for the country, Mr Lee.

I'm glad that you passed away peacefully and painlessly

Really, you have been a legacy

And you truly made Singapore a great place to live in.

Thank you Sir. I salute you for all that you have done.

Rest in peace :)

Holding you close to my heart; I will not let go. I will not let it smudge or fade away like graphite on paper.

You have been so busy
You have been through your own set of troubles
You have your own friends and life now

It was really great catching up with you once again
Spending 4 hours together,
Simply talking over a sundae each
Ending the day by buying matching rings
I suggested wearing the ring as a necklace

"Let it be a good luck charm", I said.

Words fail to describe how happy that makes me
And yes, I will wear that necklace whenever possible.

For us to spend quality time together despite your busy schedule
For there to be no borders present despite everything

That is such a precious thing to behold

You telling me about your worries, updating me about your life...
Us doing silly things like guessing the prices of the books in the bookstore
Taking pictures and turning the bookstore into our very own Photobooth

You are such a precious friend to me.
I wish there would be more time together,
But this is more than enough for now.
A meetup in 3 months is perhaps what makes it so valuable and priceless
An authentic friend like you who truly cares is what fills me up to the brim with happiness

The cup is overflowing
And the heart is singing at the top of her lungs

And it's all thanks to you, my friend.
My amazing, fantabulous, cute, quirky, genuine, caring and sensitive friend.

This friendship will last, more so than all the others I have ever built
That, I assure you.

Because the way I will thank you for being you
Is spending precious, priceless, quality time together.
I will squeeze it out regardless
I know you will too

And this friendship will last. :)

Right smack in the middle of my viewfinder

Trying to read people is like taking a trip through an ancient library
There's so many categories that there's no need for labeling
Instead, it's better to go in with an open mind, and accept each book for what it is

Sometimes, you meet books that are so open and obvious,
That there's no need for reading at all.
These are the refreshing ones.
And you can't stop smiling when you chance upon these.

Occasionally, you see ones that are so rich and deep
That reading becomes complex and impossible at times
These are the interesting ones.
And you are charmed, hopelessly smitten with these.

You put in much effort to pry them open
But there ain't much chances
And you are always left wanting more

Your lack of ease around people, especially those you find charming
Makes it exceptionally tough for you to get to know these rich books

You want to be sociable and the person you are around close ones,
But you can't.
You don't think 'shy' describes you,
But you most definitely are a bundle of nerves when it comes to these kinda things.
You can't speak
And the floor's your eyes' best friend.


Sighpie.
Nothing has started,
Nothing ever will,
but you are so attracted to him it's driving you mad.

It's just a crush. It has to be.

But how is anything ever gonna happen if I don't ever gather up the courage to tell you what I truly want to say?
How is anything possible if I'm always waiting for you to start conversations, and keep it going?
Even though, every word you say will be recorded in this brain of mine...?


...My eyes are on you, my friend.
And they aren't going anywhere soon.

Posting this takes so much courage it's crazy
It is my wish to get to know you as a person
For there to be more time together
Not to jump into anything, not to indulge, not to rush it

But it is my wish to get to know you better

Because I'm really liking what I see in you
And I want to know if it's an idealized portrait I painted of you
Or are you really that wonderful a person.

Stop from stopping

Remembering details about people
The things they say
Their small gestures and habits

More than anything, the words they say almost always gets stuck in your mind
You may not say anything when they say it
Like a faulty wifi
You struggle to make the connection.

You may be able to understand their meaning
But your mouth doesn't have the courage to respond the way you truthfully would
Inwardly, you place these words, now typed and printed into a document,
Slotting it into the library that mostly doesn't see the daylight.

You have a response, but it doesn't surface
You just smile and look to the ground, for whatever reason
There's gold down there or something.

You know you have to change
You know it's getting worse and worse
You overcompensate by being overly enthusiastic about spending time together, by being overly concerned, by writing overly lengthy cards.
As if your presence alone will be capable of transmitting all that in your head,
You trudge around with them like a kid with a lollipop in hand.

You wonder about the kind of person they are
You review the words they have picked---over and over again,
Trying not to jump to a conclusion, but very much wanting to understand the meaning of it.

You write like some autistic kid on some anonymous blog

And you stop.
You know the solution, but it takes something.
It takes, for whatever reason, something you lack.
Something you lost along the years
Something you didn't deem important till now

You know the reason behind all these
But it's taking way too much courage to write it down here.

And you should probably start
By responding
By not just smiling
By opening that mouth

It's weird, but it feels like you have been overly open about yourself these days
And it's stopping you from talking as much
At the same time, you have to stop from stopping.

Sorry, refrain from stopping.
There, all better.

Surreal

I feel like a gold miner.

Mining for friendships
For something true
Putting in so much effort it's almost creepy

Holidays have just started
Had lunch with cca mates today

It feels like a wish come true
It feels so surreal.

Hanging out, literally doing nothing productive

It feels so surreal.

Perhaps, this is desperation.
Perhaps, this is weird.

Perhaps, I have been overly lonely.

Well, it doesn't matter now, does it.
Things are changing.
I am changing.

It doesn't matter now, does it.

But man, does it feel surreal.

To think that there'd be more lunches like today's

..Wow.

It all feels like a dream because I have so much to be thankful for.

There are of course things that are on my mind

Like witches, they cackle constantly, making me extremely aware of it

However, there's so much more to life than problems

There's so much more to appreciate

To laugh about

To be grateful for

I have a warm family

I found friends in my new class

I have the ability to do pretty much anything I want--- good food, movies, talks, slack
My CCA has really amazing people

I am growing

I have my own strengths

I have weaknesses-- that makes me human.

Things have really changed from what it was before

I have freedom

I have a cute little crush.

.

.

List goes on.

See, happiness is a choice.

You choose to appreciate what you have, and live with it.

Find the good in everything, and see the cup as half full

Settle your problems, or if you can't, move away from it

Or, reduce it.

Magnify the things that makes you happy instead of those that beat you down

Magnify that smile you got from the stranger on the bus today

Magnify the omelette you made that came out perfect

Magnify the fact that you tripped on perpetually nothing but managed not to fall

Magnify the guy who helped you stop a bus when he saw you running for it

Magnify the fact that you are who you are, who is beautimous and perfectly imperfect.

When you trip and fall, 

Have a good laugh.

C'mon, it's funny.

When it hurts

Cry, talk, rant

Whatever keeps that bomb from getting planted inside to grow in the future

When it doesn't seem right

Take the time to sit and sort out your feelings

But be back on the right track soon and don't lose yourself trying to correct something meaningless

.

I have everything I could ever ask for.

How could I be unhappy?

I am upset, but only from things that occur

That is  part and parcel of life

And I'm really thankful for having so many blessings.

Side note, try not to number them.

You will lose count.

You wonder

You wonder

If the way you are causes a flashing neon sign to be placed above your head

Screaming, shouting, not heard but felt

"Please take advantage of who I am"

You wonder

If the kind of person you used to be

Is the person you still are

You wonder

Is this truly who you want to be?

Yes, it is. 

No, it isn't.

You wonder

I care for you, but what kind of a relationship is this?

You wonder

Why the emptiness in your gaze and words 

Why are they so suffocating

So much so that it spills out and pools into endless pits of black

Pushing you away from certain people

Pushing you away, building barriers, making you almost heartless.

You wonder

Why does she want to study with you

You believe it to be that she wants to spend time together
You want to believe that.

"I studied with you, so why did I fail?"
"You're so smart!"
Her words ring in your mind whenever you see her
And it makes you hesitate.

You want to believe

That it is for the simple reason that she enjoys your company

And you will enjoy it, you think

You wonder

Why is it that the two of you don't ever transverse beyond what it is now
Why your advice garners a 'thank you', but she never talks to you about her problems
Why you can only learn about her on a deeper level through Facebook

Why is it that she-

You

You feel so fake
For caring for her,

You feel fake

Like a ball of plasticine to be moulded and stretched

Into the comfortable blanket you try to be to her

You feel fake,

For the care stems from obligation

Obligation to care for someone who feels alone
Obligation to be a friend to someone who approached you and uh.. Didn't want to leave
Obligation to support her for who she is, 

And you don't mind, you think
You will show her what true friendship is

So that she will truly see you as a friend

And it will turn into something beautiful

You wonder

If to her, what it is is just benefits

"Friends with benefits"

Such a cruel phrase.

And you wonder

You can't walk away

How do you improve it 

Do you move away from someone like that 

Or

Is it you that needs to change 

Once again

Is your true personality taking over

Making it easy to become a convenient carpet

A soundless, soulless carpet.

But even this carpet has a wish.
This carpet wishes for no flattery
For no 'you're so smart!" Because i'm not.
I'm an average person.

I want a real person as a friend.

喜欢温柔

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=G0VH5uPXU_U

喜欢温柔。
真的，真的，非常喜欢。

Poetry

Deborah Emmanuel

This amazing woman came to our school to perform her poems today.
Her poems are beautiful.
Just,
Beautiful.
The poem the link brings you to is something really true; many things in life are not what they are romanticized to be.

My favorite one is Imperfect, but she doesn't have it on her blog yet. Hopefully, it will be so in the future. :>

Today was absolutely phenomenal.
I ended up on the thin suspended line above the sea of sobbing out loud.
I couldn't relate that well, but the feelings behind Imperfect is what I used to feel.

See, that's the thing about poems and works of writers.
They can contain feelings so raw, so real, that it pains you to think of how they were dragged, ruthlessly, across the rough and uneven road, all the while trying, with much effort, to untie the heartless rope that binds them to the perpetrator.
Meanwhile, the skin tears and rips under the great speed and friction.
Meanwhile, the heart screams for it to stop, but the mind remains blank, dumbfounded by the pain.
Meanwhile, the trip across the surface of the road sometimes reduces us to bones, leaving a corpse that twitches slightly before it's very last bit of soul wafts off.

Happiness is a choice. You can choose to be a happy person and control your view of life to be a positive one; but you cannot control your emotions, for they are what makes you human, or humane.

Things happen in life.

Some people believe in never getting upset, in never getting emotional, in never being vulnerable.
They dislike those who always have some sort of problem to confess or complain about, or, they do not mind, and accept that these people make up the majority; but they do not want to be one of them.
They never want to be seen as 'sad', or to admit that to themselves.

But really, it's completely understandable.
It's completely understandable that in certain points in life, even the strongest will be affected. Yes, even those who are always seen as the advisors. Even those who always seem positive, who always seem to be happy.
They are ultimately still humans, after all.
Besides, these are the kind of people who tend to keep to themselves about any personal thoughts and beliefs, for they are supposedly the 'advisors', and should never be 'sad'. They place these expectations on themselves.
We do not talk about ourselves, for most others will just shrug it off and call us 'emo'. Most others only care to cap a label on others without trying to understand their emotional depth first. Many do not have the capacity to do so.
So, how can we open up?
It's really tough to be vulnerable in front of shallow people.
It's even tougher when you are not one to share easily.

Therefore, it's completely understandable.
That you do not want to open up, that you do get affected, that you do not want to seem so.

However, do remember, that only machines are capable of never feeling anything.
It's perfectly alright to be upset. It's perfectly alright to get stressed. It's perfectly alright to be at conflict with yourself.
It's perfectly alright.
It's perfectly alright to cry; you should.
It's perfectly alright to be angry; you should.
It's perfectly alright to be human; you are.

It's perfectly alright to have emotional moments that leave you feeling exposed and vulnerable in front of me.
It's perfectly alright.
As long as after breaking down, you are able to pick yourself up, and continue having a positive outlook on life, you will be forever amazing to me.
I don't mind.
For humans need to have these moments, and so long as it doesn't change the beautiful soul they are: that is positive, calming, and understanding; it's perfectly alright.

It's perfectly alright and I will love and accept you, my friend, for the human that you are.

If you picked up a book and realized that it was about your life, would you read it?

Would you?

Life is a strange thing.

There are certain moments where you could have said or done something you deem as a better response, that will hurt the other party less, that will deliver your message without the misunderstandings, that will make the other party think better of you. (There's no need to deny the last point :)

However, these are the very moments that are packed full of emotion, that are so genuine that in that moment, you weren't able to conceal or control it with practiced smoothness. It was that one spilt second that revealed your true thoughts, that showed the other party who you really are; that, in some strange way, contributed enough to make your relationships with others even better.

If you had known about it, you would have perfected and rehearsed it all, leading to a mechanical response you deem as 'perfection'. That exhausts you and makes others fear you, for they feel like they can never get to see the real you.

If you were to read about it beforehand, you would be filled with expectations.

The cute moments and spontaneity of others will no longer surprise you.

You may even do less-than-sensitive things to that person because you take it for granted that in the book, it states that the two of you will be together. 

That may damage the relationship, since that person feels like no matter what he does, he can never be good enough to garner a heartfelt response from you. Then, when he does things not stated in the book, you get bitter and disappointed.

If you were to read about it beforehand, and found out that your laziness would lead to unemployment and thus a hard life, you would strive harder in your current situation, hoping to change it. Conversely, if you were to read about being successful, you may stop working hard.

If you were to read about it beforehand, you would know about the heartaches that lie ahead, and avoid it if possible. You would know who are the ones who will betray you. You would know who are the ones who will hurt you. You would be able to avoid them all, and enjoy a happy life. 

Sounds great, doesn't it?

But is that truly what you want?

To constantly be in the know of your life, to constantly be in control, to constantly be practicing and perfecting 'life'. You will be 'happy', you think. You will never be sad.

Really?

Wouldn't that be meaningless?

Sure, it sounds like a dream, a life without problems.

But then the problem would be you having no problems.

You would not have lived at all.

You would have just existed.

And that is absolutely meaningless, and if anything, more depressing than a life with heartbreaks and pain a normal person would have to face.

So, if such a book were to be placed in front of you right now.

Will you succumb to curiosity and the need to perfect Life, or would you rather choose to lose your way, be stabbed again and again, be saved, love, learn, smile and laugh at the little things in life... And...live?

Isn't Life ultimately about living and not existing? That even though at the end of the day, we will all die and everything will cease to exist; having lived before is all that matters? That since we were given the gift of life, we will have to live, and make it the best one yet? 

The unknown scares us. 

But it is what makes life so magical and exciting, don't you think?

.

After reading all these, which do you prefer?

The Positivity Blog

The Positivity Blog

^Exactly as the name suggests.
Definitely subscribe to it if you like having frequent read-ups on how to better your life.

Hmm
There's still so much more to improve for the relationships I have with others

Gotta work harder on it all :)

Can't stop smiling :D

Can't stop smiling

You know a fellow actor is trying to act well when he goes along with you and your acting
And adds on other stuffs to make it even better
There's no need to discuss beforehand
It just comes naturally

And it makes me really happy that the people I act alongside with are like that.


Saw more people upset
The stress must be really getting to them

Tried not to be overly affected
Talked to one of them
Listened.
And realized, that hey, here's another unique human being I can connect with.
Got to know her a little as a person.

Didn't dare talk to the other girl
Planning to write a card along with new stockings for her
Since you saw that her stockings has a hole in it

There are many things that can make me happy
One of them would be to get to know someone authentic, someone real.
I believe I've found someone like that today

And I'm glad.
I'm so, so, so glad.

Oh, and not to mention the cute stuffs that happened today.


...Some people are just too cute.

When everythang goes right :D

I've been feeling pretty dizzy for the whole of today.
Kinda struggled with focusing during the math test, so **fingers crossed** that didn't cause me to write some absurd answers :p

Regardless, it was another great day :)
The math test was easy
The math consultation got canceled too
I even got to go out with my parents
Aaaaaand there's no work due tmr or tests for next week.

Life can't get any better. :D

I should have approached you sooner.

I wanted to ask if you were fine
But the 'correct moment' never came.

Rubbish.
Although, you were indeed busy and there were many people around.
Intimate questions should never be asked in the presence of acquaintances.

Still, it feels like a bunch of excuses.

I'm sorry, I became one of those people today. I didn't approach you even though I saw the tears that threatened to overflow--- in your gaze.
I'm sorry, it was until you teared up that i realized,
Oh no. Too late.
Way, way too late.

And so I wrote you a card.
Still, it was wrong of me to have waited that long.
I am sensitive to people's emotions. I feel them as my own,
But what's the point if I hold back despite seeing what I see?
I too was like a follower today. A hypocrite. And I'm sorry for that.

Have to improve, in the future.

.
.
In the card, the advice was heartfelt although I never used it for myself. Never had the chance to.
I told you that sharing the workload with others and relying on them is not a burden, but the best compliment you can give to someone---that you trust them. That you guys are close enough for sharing to not be selfish, but instead, reliance that further strengthens the relationship.
That I thought that you should change the current situation--even if that wasn't apparent.
Really, it's a strange feeling.
Understanding but not really understanding what you feel,
For our circumstances are different.
You have people you can trust and fall back on, but you choose not to, as your gentle soul makes you think that you're burdening them with your own responsibilities.
You willingly take on these responsibilities for your own passion and beliefs.
You are slightly stressed out, but it doesn't seem like you are engulfed by sadness.


Really, it's painful to see others in pain.
Be it pain that I can detect but isn't really apparent, or pain that is written on one's face---for one, crying.
I used to cry when others cried.
When I was judged for that, I learnt to hold it all back,
But I still feel your pain when I can sense it.

A dark, heavy loom that settles over you. That you can't quite get rid of.
Alike to piles of clouds threatening the known fact of rain,
You see it coming, you are expecting it, but you can't really stop it.
You don't know whether encouraging the rain is better, or to solve it without seeing the rain itself.

It's painful to see others in pain.

Marriage

Bubzvlogz :D

^ I love her.
Every vlog is just so full of positivity that it lifts your mood whenever you watch it.
Even if you were already in a good mood, this vlog channel never fails to make it even better.
So yeah. Check it out if you haven't already :)
You won't regret it ;)

Isaac is the cutest thing ever and I'm always checking the channel for new videos
The one the link brings you to is by far my favorite... Hehe

How do I put it... Puberty has made me slightly dreamy
And this vlog is the embodiment of how I want my family to be: simple, warm, and simply adorbz ^~^

"Parenting is being exactly what you want your kids to be. Don't want them to be disrespectful? Respect your partner and everyone else. Don't swear, shout, or hit your partner even if you are really upset. Want them to do the chores? Do the housework together and never, ever let one party shoulder it all. Want them to not take out negative emotions on you? Don't do it to your partner or the kids. PMS-ing is not as excuse; it's just you taking your partner for granted. Love's expiry date is not an excuse; its you no longer treasuring your partner as an individual, and expecting the love from him/her without wanting to give back."
Of course, marriage causes love to run out, alike to a pot of porridge. The top is sweet and delicious, but when you get to the bottom, there's only the charred bits left. After all, love isn't all and can never be all. It doesn't last forever, and therefore there must be standing values and principles that lasts till your last breath.
Conflicts are inevitable, but ultimately, your anger musn't cause you to hurt the other party, either verbally or physically. It's okay to fight now and again, but if you are constantly squabbling and shouting over the smallest of things... It's terrible, since now it's a case of respect.
You are fighting because you don't value her feelings as much. You are shouting, due to your stress, yes, but also cause you know she won't ever leave you because of it, and you are taking advantage of it.
You don't respect her anymore.

Marriage isn't as beautiful as dramas paint it out to be.
And yes, as young as I am, as weird as it makes me to contemplate about marriage at this stage of my life...

I have been hearing quite a bit of shouting these days...
And it's pretty unsettling.

Spoke up, but it's scary.