Uncertainty

Not sure if putting the link of this blog up on my social media account was a good idea, even though I had an initial reason for it. Now it just seems a little... Risky.

Mom is right. I should reconsider this choice.

Let a selected few---possibly none at all--- that I know personally in real life to know of the existence of this blog, or do I let it up to those interested to find out?

I have always been extremely honest up here,
And it divulges way more than it ever would in the presence of most

But many emotions remains drafted and not posted
So this blog remains really personal,
But it isn't an all-you-can-grab information counter

Still,
This is getting too open and easy,
Too unguarded and unsafe,
Too loose and unkempt.

Sweet 16

I may or may not have cried too much in one day.
Describes my sentiments perfectly

I feel like a drama mama.

Exam on a birthday is actually pretty awesome: School ends early and there's no lessons. Was slightly bummed out since there was no CCA... But it turned out amazing regardless. Revised till the night before, awoke forgetting my birthday myself before I was reminded through mom's enthusiasm.

Friends remembered, prepared, and did all these astounding things for you.
They made beautiful gifts and cards that said all these wonderful things you don't deserve.

For the first time ever
Friends from school remembered.
The ones from before, who liked making promises of course forgot,
But those you met this one year remembered.

You really didn't expect or believe in it,
But there it is and there it happened.

They even got your favorite things correct.
They bothered to ask and record it in their brains.
You gave in to temptation to reading their cards and examining the gifts
You cried... And had trouble stopping.


Someone invited you for ice skating, and while much happened along the way: getting your wallet cleared with your tray, forgetting, then returning to do a treasure hunt in the dustbin, ketting ketchup covered fingers and wallet back, getting help from marvelous aunties...You would have treated those aunties to something if not for this friend who called to hurry you up. Speaking of which, this person can be pretty self oriented, and while today was a great experience for its the 'first time out with friend on a bday like any teenager', you most definitely wouldn't be spending time together again. It uh, felt like it was there for the sake of it, and not for the enjoyment of each other's company. There was no feeling of concern from the other party, just... 'Oh you lost your wallet? Quick go get it, while I queue here just so I can get in quick. I do not quite care that your feelings will be dampened if you couldn't find your wallet, but because if you can find your identification card, I will be able to skate for free. Henceforth, it is best that you find it and be back instantly.'

But it was great regardless, hehe
It was an experience after all.
And you learnt something: to be even more careful about your belongings, since most people nowadays are not observant, nor are they entitled to care for you, nor do they want to. Except for friends... Except this was no friend.
Ah, but one should not blame others for her own mistakes. So while it's not a nice person, it's not right to blame that human for your scatterbrained-ness.
Anyways
Ice skating free for two because of your birthday? Bring it on!

Oh, and did you mention your ordering of a double Mc Spicy despite never having had a Mc Spicy before? Firstly, you thought it was a great ceremony to show the first step into adulthood. Secondly, you for some reason wanted to spend loads on food. Thirdly, you were crazy risking everything.
You are still unsure of your sanity when you did that to yourself.

Needless to say, the burger killed you and left you in tears, quite literally.

A precious friend from a long time ago met up with you once again despite her busy schedule to give a present, a candy machine filled with tiny rolled and tied up scrolls, numbered to show the sequence of the full length card she wrote for you. It was so sweet and thoughtful, and exactly what you liked, just like how she knew it was what you would like. She even filled the box with sweets, and said it was symbolic of your 'innocence' and 'like a kid', in her terms.
Only she would think of me that way.
You nearly cried.. But stopped yourself.
This ain't no drama serial. :>

And of course,
Something that was the only constant through all these changing years.
Time with family. As usual, 90% of the celebration is in taking photos and recording videos for future memories. That's where you got your incessant need for photos, after all.
It was all you had, and it was always more than enough.
How could you wish for more when you have it all right here, at home?

But all these crazy things happens at school and it fills voids you didn't think you cared too much about. Now, you are quite dried up on the tears aspect.

Sweet 16 indeed, huh?
It's so sweet I'm sure I will wake up with cavities so huge I lose all my teeth.

It's so sweet I can't believe it's an actual reality.
It's so sweet I realize that the past was indeed bitter... Slightly or really bitter, perhaps.

It's so sweet it's like a dream.

Thank you. All.
Thank you.

This is the best and most memorable birthday yet, on so many different levels.

Heavy heart, but I'm happy. Thank you.

Oh dear.

Friends are remembering my birthday and explicitly asking me if I like a certain brand of stationary or watches.
Paper Stone is expensive and not worth it.
Watches are expensive.
And I won't be using expensive stuffs anyway.
And the price! Oh god, the price.

Sent an essay to the whatsapp group
Fingers crossed, they wouldn't spend so much on a gift just for me
To them, it's 'nothing because there's people out there who spend fortunes'

But no, okay.
No.
That is just plain wastage of money.
Splurging on me is a crazy thought as well as a crazy action.
The only one who ever does it is Mom or family, never people outside of the house.


It's... Too much.
Way too much.

How do I persuade them that it's truly gratifying and heart warming that they remembered, and that is all that matters? A lengthy card was that I needed, and even that would be over the top.

[Update]
Apparently they've bought it already.
... I do appreciate it.
But it's not right
And it weighs my heart down

It's like our friendship was for this instant, and the monetary value of it is the value of our friendship.

...Sigh.

Thank you so much
For being... the first friends ever in my four years of secondary school
(it's nearing the end btw)
To remember my birthday and who prepares presents in advance

People who actually think of me, within that 10% brain capacity they dedicate to other human beings. Who cares about my feelings and what I want. Who... Does the things 'friends' do to one another... Gestures like buying gifts. Or more importantly, stuffs like remembering things about each other.

But I'm not sure if I can get used to it.
All these... Craziness.
Or if I ever will
Or if it even is right, or necessary

I will treasure it.
I can't use it.

I must treasure it.

Story of a shoe and a pun.

The right side of my face kissed a flying ball today
Just, uh... To even things out.

But ball games really are fun

I guess I just never really got to enjoy the quirks of classmates.

The inevitable happened:
The sole of my shoe spilt cleanly in half after having that huge gash for months
Hobbled around, defending and throwing balls till half the shoe came up and my toes touched ground. I then proceeded to pluck it off with swag, and play with one shoe and a sock.
(It can still be worn, tho. Just tie it with the shoe laces and voila! All perfect and purdy.)
^ {Ain't nobody got time for shopping!}

Ripped off a small piece of cloth material that dangled out from the bottom,
And offered it to everyone I saw before I too got grossed out by it,
Saying, "Hey. Want a piece of my soul?"

Geddit?

You have to get it!
Heheheh

Lucky strike to the face. Maybe it's an auspicious sign of "Luck will give you surprises when you least expect it" or something.

Someone kinda collided into me the other day during a game
No idea who it is... Couldn't see since my left eye took the hit along with my face
Hopefully he/she wasn't silently hurt or something
Cuz even till now the pain is there if I touch it
So if he/she got hurt as well it must be pretty painful

Well, the good thing is that it looks like I'm totally fine
Heheh
It's pretty lucky of me tho
Since I had only turned around,
And that was what got me that lucky strike to the face

Bowl of reeeeaaalll personal nuts. Want some?

You know that feeling you get?

Satisfaction.

Grades aren't all, but it does affect your future in some way or another and you have no choice but to care about it.

Results on the other hand for other things seem to be given way more attention than necessary

Even tho it ain't exactly that crucial except for self affirmation that comes from comparison.

There, I said it. 

Ain't got no pretty words up my sleeve, eh?

But it is extremely satisfying when you see an improvement in your grades.

Like hey, you studied pretty hard after all. Even if the grades didn't reflect it, you would have been pretty darn proud of yourself all the same.

Sorry, I uh.. Am kinda affected by a book's style of writing

Anyways.

There definitely was improvement---steps forward--- in many subjects
Used to fail. Used to not pay attention in class.

Take Math, for example

Failed consistently (oh yeah that takes talent by the way)

But been getting a little A now and again.

Don't get me wrong, there's still a long long loooong way to go

But the progress I've made---and I'm talking bout actually understanding what questions want---or just questions, in general. Used to be like Greek to me.
Actually listening in class and grasping concepts

Actually knowing what to do for the questions

Actually getting answers---correct answers
Consultations, practice, and stupid questions that must have been entertaining

I feel like

Like I'm finally getting my life back on track.

The mess it was in

The mess I was

It wasn't even that bad but I was getting too lost 

It's finally starting to improve

I'm finally starting to pick myself up

And it's all finally starting to look brighter.

I've said it before and I will say it again

And again and again and again

This year is crazy nuts and I am crazy nuts, too

There's people to thank and some unknowing ones in particular

And I just about will never trade this bowl of nuts for anything else 

Cuz now there's hope

Motivation was never a meaningful thing but now it's there, too

There's fluffy clouds of marshmallows in the air for clouds

And you have hot chocolate to pair it with

There's... Hope. Even if there wasn't complete and utter despair in the first place.

There's a bright future ahead and I've never been more sure in my life.

So much that I think I've written but remains implied and not explicitly stated

So much that I can't phrase it into words, so this will have to do for now 

Cuz, it's nuts. It's just plain nuts to even think about. 

Ain't it fun

The last of the projects and tests are over

Phew.
Today I'll finally get to go out with mum again
Buy whatever that built up on that list over the months
Do whatever postponed and pushed aside over the months
Settle everything
Revise
Date those books too young for my age
And fall asleep at perhaps 9 (miracles do happen, ya know)

Heheh
What's left of the term is just plain fun
---A performance, exams, and VIA (helping others)

Ain't that awesome?

Ignorance, assumptions and 'what they say'.

You honestly do not know how ignorant you are until you learn the true facts about something.

The bible consists of 66 books and not one

Hmm

There's so much to learn, to know, to be told of.

Having spasms because you only borrowed one book, thinking it would take ages to finish. But no, it only took a couple hours and your thirst is not satiated. Instead, it's only become... More thirsty. Bye world. I need my drugs, my dopamine, my meth, my life, my world at the current moment.

Books are like drugs
So potent, so powerful
Once your fingers touch it
And the contents spill out,
Enveloping your brain and heart in it

You are transported to a whole new world.

Another zone entirely.
The words dance across the page,
Your brain interpreting the words as pictures.
Scenes play and you hear voices.

A distraction, and you hurriedly leave that world
Can't wait to get back again.
Wish there weren't stuffs to be done
Because you're procrastinating---and it's not meaningless
In fact, this book is far more interesting and pressing than anything else

Even the prospect of homework.
Or dinner. (But you've thrown that away so many times it's hardly surprising anymore)


.
Why, oh why, you grimace
How could you have abandoned this hobby for so many years?

It's been too long. It's been way too long.

Yeah sure,
Some books are boring.
You space out while reading it.
Some don't appeal to the mood at the moment,
And you abort the mission halfway.
Some are too descriptive without real strength,
And you don't even continue.

But when you find the right book for the right mood...
It's the most unbelievable emotion ever.

Now... that you're back on the track with these amazing books...
You can't stop.

Your life is gonna get jacked up for sure
With exams coming

But you can't stop.

Resuming an old hobby---an old addiction--- is so... Overwhelming.

Just finished one book in hours.
And all I can say is,

The plan is to return it tomorrow and borrow the next three books of the sequel.

Oh god, what am I to do?
Why the heck is this book---writer---plot---characters---so good?

So good I can't stop reading, agh!

Feeling really dizzy and with an assignment incomplete
But look at me; it's the face of a drunk potato who can't give two hoots about life.

Do I care? Yeah... But... Not really.

Stare

Apparently I 'stare'.

I honestly don't mean to do so; it just happens (...?)

People like to tell me to 'stop staring' when all I do is look.
Sometimes I space out while looking at something, and it can be a human
That seems to creep others out. Or, for me to earn the labels of 'sad' and 'troubled'

Cross my heart, I don't mean to. :<
I'm not depressed either.

To me, it's just mere 'eye contact' or telepathy I'm trying to get across.
Or, you're pretty interesting.
Or, I'm trying to look at those... Interesting eyes of yours.
Or, I'm trying out face reading techniques from an interesting book.

Okay I have no good English.

But you get me don't you.

I honestly don't mean to stare.
And uh... I suppose my naturally pissed/upset face scares people.

I should smile more shouldn't I
Eheheheh

Sometimes

Sometimes,

Just because you know it doesn't mean you should say it.
Just because you say it doesn't mean that you know it.

Just because you're concerned doesn't mean that you should ask.
Just because you ask doesn't mean that you are concerned.

Just because you hurt inside doesn't mean that you should express so.
Just because you express so doesn't mean that you are hurt inside.

What's spoken isn't always an accurate measurement.
What's unspoken isn't always observable.

There is no straightforward method to anything and everything, is there.

Whatever you see in others is what you see in yourself, too.

I may or may not post more stuff about Love in the future. It does seem like a pretty interesting topic. :> Okay fine. It's because of him. It's always related to him. Pfft, crush. You better chance upon this or something and we can be the main characters of a romance movie together, saving people falling from the sky, knowing it was 'the one' the first time we saw each other or something. :p

New favorite song

Was shown this during English lecture today

Oh, do I love school

The context, the lyrics, the tune, the voice, and most importantly... The emotions.

"What are words if you don't mean them when you say them?"
Indeed.
People promise too easily. They talk too much of what they do not know and will not stay loyal to.
They like to make things sound really amazing, for what doesn't appeal to others' ears seems to drive them away. Even... If they don't have the capacity to stick to it for long.

Promises should only be made when they are meant to be kept.
Words are supposed to be said and used only when you truly mean it.

Cuz what kind of a person would you be?

Perhaps, what 'Love' is is not just a passing phase, a wave of sudden emotions because you suddenly found out that one is 'good-looking', or a feeling of attraction towards their qualities.
'A tall guy', 'slim girl', 'nice voice', 'good speaker'
Or even 'funny', 'cute', 'musically inclined', 'graceful'.

What about when one loses all that?
What about when one changes and loses those external qualities, but preserves what's at the very core?
Would your 'promise' still extend, even till then?

Perhaps, what 'Love' is is the tie between two souls, that is unconditional, deep, and ever lasting.
It isn't all and can never be all, but it's strength is what holds everything together even when everything falls apart.
It's magic will perhaps run out when one loses his physical attributes.
It will perhaps not be evident after a long marriage.

But if it disappears along with time, or with change, or loss

It musn't have been present in the first place.

It must have only been an extremely shallow feeling of 'bliss', not a silent promise with depth you feel deep within your heart.

Perhaps, 'love' has been reduced to what it is now: a simple feeling of attraction. What you 'like' someone for, you can't phrase it into words. You can't see this person being part of your life during its roughest times. You only see how 'cool' it is to show him/her off for the 'good school' he's in. (Oh, don't get me started on the 'good' schools. There's no such thing.) You only see how 'nice' it would be during Valentine's Day, when you have someone to spend it with and photos to put online for.

All it is is a crush, is it not?

Perhaps, I am too young and all I see now is mere 'puppy love', sweet while it lasts. 'True Love' perhaps will come when it's due.
And it probably wouldn't blow my mind or have the perfect story to it,
Like those romantic movies out there, with the hero and heroine saving old men with beautiful love stories to tell to help the relationship along when they hit a rough patch.

It probably will be extremely simple, extremely anti-climatic, with a vexing guy who can't seem to improve on his flaws. We will probably get sick of one another after some time. But if it truly is 'love', it will perhaps last, and it will grow into one of those comical, frustrating, almost silly old couples who complain about their partner all the time but who will never leave each other.

It won't be perfect.

But the promise will linger, and the 'words' will have never been spoken out loud but kept till the very end.

For what's spoken out loud is sometimes more worthless than what's kept unsaid.
Ah, but of course, do say it out if you do mean it.
Communication is key in relationships.

But I'll leave that for another day.

What about it, crush?
Suppose you saw this, do you think I am getting closer to the question you popped,
"How do you find true love?"?

Because it can't be found, it will come when it does.
And it will be the most boring, simplistic, infuriating thing you have ever experienced;
Right smack in the middle of your life, demanding to be part of it.

Since 'love' can't be all dancing butterflies in a field of roses and gentle breeze,
Exciting events together, all smiles and laughter.
It can't always be romantic. It can't always be heartfelt or deep enough.
Ideals will clash with the truth, time and again.

'Love' is most probably not going to bring 'ecstasy' or a fiery new life.
But it will be beautiful in its own way, and for how genuine it is.
The authenticity will be what makes it turn sour, but it's strength will be what keeps it from rotting.

At least, that's what a sixteen year old like me with zero experience in love---thinks.

Schoolgirl fawning over a lollipop stand from across the street.

I seem to have fallen for someone who has love on his mind for most of the time

Too bad, Love ain't something I have good answers to.

Extremely ignorant about love songs and the related stuffs,
I am... Perhaps, boring.

Should I Google 'Love' or something...?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UC8igQzQkH4

I wonder if this is what he listens to?

Or am I... Too outdated?

These are good songs tho :p

Makes me feel like I know just a little of what Love is.

Hm.

What is love to you, reader?

What is it supposed to feel like?

Is it fickle? Forever?

Strong and passionate? Gentle and deep?

Something noble and selfless, or rash, brutal and selfish?

Do you think that it can tide you through anything and everything?

Perhaps, those in relationships are finding it out through experience.
Perhaps, even they too don't know what it is other than a 'feeling'.
Perhaps, what 'love' is is a feeling that brings about power, power to do anything and everything.

How do I know?
Do you know?

All I have is a crush on someone faraway, like a little school girl fawning over the lollipop stand from across the street.

Interesting how one learns, feels, and changes so much more in a good way, not from pain but from something else. Something astoundingly wonderful.

"You've done so much already. Go back and rest today, we'll do it."
This was what they said when they saw my lethargy.

Of course I'll have to be present and do my very very best when you say such a sweet thing!

.
Never have had group members so kind and nice.

Never have had group members this responsible and selfless.

Never have had group members so un-calculative and easy to work with.

Never really had fun during a project.

The people really does matter
So does the position you are in
As well as your style of doing things

It really does matter
And it's eye-opening how not all projects are disasters and not all people are irresponsible heartless liars ready to sprout wings and fly off like cockroaches at the very first mention of 'work'.

It's crazy how there can be fun as well as productivity, all without the fear of everyone 'waiting' for things to fall from the sky.
One does not have to take the lead. One does not have to remind like a broken recorder.
One does not have to start and finish.

The impossible has cruised in to replace the cold and hard reality, again, and again.

What exactly have I been doing with my life for the past three years within that one class with all those people I was stuck with?

There was such a world out there that I have yet to discover?
Bring it on, then!

Beauty I knew existed but never in such huge quantity.

Bring it on won't you!
I'm ready---No. Excited!
I'm so excited for it all!

Do you care enough to survive, or do you care too much to affirm?

Had a great day as usual

My crush returned---and is gone. Poor guy was sick again.
I think he tends to neglect himself. :<

Not sure when I'll get to see him once more.

Something though.
Many of us seem to care a lot about 'results'.

Results are what determines our future, apparently.
Our self worth, or the worth of one's effort and thought in a piece of work
Seems to depend on the judgment from a system or group of people or even one individual

The number or rating seems to affirm us, or the effort we have put in
It seems to be capable of setting us apart from one another,
Making us 'better' or more 'talented'.

In such cases, the 'product' is already regarded as of more importance than the 'fun' or 'process' already, don't you think?
When you're asked to give a score, and the whole point of the game is supposedly to have fun
Would you give the true score you think they deserve,
Or would you give them a high score just to achieve the simple aim of making them 'happy'?

Of course, this would make the results not mean much.
Everyone gets a high score no matter the quality of their work.
What's the point?

It doesn't do justice to those who strived the hardest or who were the greatest.
Yeah. You have a point there, you do.
But really, it all boils down to how much people care about results these days. They seem to place their self esteem and sense of achievement on a weighing scale with results, as though if they didn't, all that grueling hard work behind the scenes would be for naught.
No, silly.
That effort is what makes it so precious and beautiful.
That attempt at stepping out of one's comfort zone is what's worth the mark.

All the rating is is just a number, a number that means something but doesn't define what you are or what you present to the audience in life. If, and only if one doesn't even try, does he deserve a low mark, and the sole reason for the 'low' number is just so he knows how saddening it was that he didn't even want to try, and that the 'low' number was given in full knowledge that he would care too much about it.


Sure, many will tell you the end product was 'good' or 'bad', and that can help you improve in the future; but their comments and views on what the outcome was like doesn't matter at all if you learnt a lot along the way, and built strong bonds with people you can now trust.

The comments of others are for improvement, not for comparison and affirmation.

Why do we trust others' judgment so much?
Everyone, dependent on their position, responsibilities, personalities, situation and belief system will judge you differently. What one thinks is great the other will find dull. It means what doesn't exactly concern you other than for future improvement, isn't it?

Why are results so important to us then, if its in a context where it doesn't affect our future?

When I was told to give a mark,
I gave a '9' for their satisfaction and a '10' for the amazing ones.
It was, apparently, not regarded as a 'real rating'.
Oh, but it was. It was real.
It was real for different things
Just not with the same intentions you had, I suppose.

You see, we are in different positions.
As an instructor, you of course are striving for fun as well as practice and learning points. Thus, 'ratings' should be regarded seriously and given with meaning. That number should be exactly what the end product deserves, so that we know where we lie and can improve in the future.

As a student with no responsibilities, I of course can irresponsibly declare that 'oh, results are not important' and the such.
But I do have a view, and that is that since it was mentioned that today was for fun and a break from school and its stress, the ratings shouldn't have been present. For, despite the great intentions you the instructor had, it kinda put people into that 'zone' of wanting to perform and feel affirmed.
Just like how society trains us to define everything through 'results', 'results' will be the switch to getting people to be just a little more competitive and lose that element of goodness.
It was fun and hilarious, sure.
But the ratings made it lose a little of that magic.

To me, an irresponsible immature teenager,
The fact that some were afraid and uncomfortable performing onstage but had to go out there and try it anyway---was admirable. That attempt, as I said, is what deserves the mark. And while the ratings I give will not be as meaningful as yours, it will make them just a teeny bit happier.

It's just... Disconcerting when people get offstage and start apologizing for not 'performing' or 'messing up', cuz they most definitely didn't. :>

I wanna cry... I really wanna cry

"Your birthday is coming soon right? What do you want?"

Woah.

... Woah.

No way.

Someone from school actually remembers.

For so long, 'friends' from school have never really remembered.
I don't need much, just something that shows you, a friend, care.

Now, a friend actually cares enough to ask, weeks in advance, about what I want.
Without any 'trigger' whatsoever.
You remembered.
You made it a point to remember, and plan in advance for me.

You didn't get it wrong.
You didn't... 'Miss' it.
You didn't 'realize' upon a notification on Facebook.

You wanted to know,
Exactly what I wanted.

And it didn't sound like you were just asking for the sake of it either.

.
Why, dear friend
You have already given me the best present there is: Remembering

I don't need anything more at all.

Of course I shall spend this special day with my family
But
Perhaps, I could be spoiled this once

And go out with some friends.


I should stop...
But I'm getting so many wishes granted these days

It makes me wanna cry. :'>

Reading what I wrote makes me cringe.

Yes, reader.

You are very much invited to read these weird pieces of work with me.

Wheee.

Wheee.

Toddlers and children let out whooping cries of glee

As they tumble down the  yellow slide that spirals downward

To collect the prize that requires them to be alert.

The first one to solve a riddle gets the red balloon.

The last one to do so gets a lollipop.

The old man by the rusty stand decides it all.

His word is the verdict, and the playground is never silent when he's there.

The young crowd around him as they would around a free ice cream truck,

The love in the air is prominent, giving off a sickly sweet smell, almost to the point of being nauseating. 

But it is this love that oozes from the kindly old man's heart that attracts the pure and innocent angelic figures that dance around the dilapidated piece of land, lighting up the darkness that evelopes it.

Wheee.

A toddler trips over the uneven pavement and falls onto the ground.

Silence.

The skin ruptures and drops of blood appear.

He winces, the corner of the mouth trembling.

Other children scurry over, unsure of what to do but knowing for sure that they had to stand there and protect the child. From what, no one knew, but their presence alone was enough to calm the child, for the waterfalls did not erupt and he broke into a smile. 

The bunch of children giggles.

Let's continue! They announce.

This time, Johnny the injured will get to be king and order us around for the next five minutes.

Johnny chuckles.

To the moon! He raises his pudgy hand balled into a tiny fist, shaking and waving it around in the air with an imaginary sword. The children--soldiers--- follow suit.

The old man grins, a toothless and almost comical looking expression.

Wheee.

A little girl tugs at the old man's worn out jacket.

Turning, he sees her, donned in a torn and dirty rag dress.

He picks her up gently, carrying her with one hand like he would have twenty years ago with a daughter he never had. He then gives her a chocolate bar.

The little girl smiles. It starts as a quirk of the lips, then a fully developed ray of light that cuts through that feeling of gloom she emitted just moments ago, what with the long straight dark hair, pale skin, and skinny sticks for legs.

She plants a soft kiss on the old man's wrinkled cheek.

Wheee.

Where's your family? The old man asks.

The girl gazes at him with a stare far older than any five year old he has ever seen.

No family, she replies.

I live with my aunt.

The old man looks at her, and he understands.

Come live with me won't you?

He throws the legislation and realistic aspect away, his heart and soul focused entirely on saving this one girl.

The girl shakes her head.

Aunt can be mean, but she's just hurt.

The old man grasps her frail hand tightly. It's painful and not gentle like he was before.

Live with me! He booms, a sudden explosion the children have never witnessed before.

Silence in the playground.

A snap, and the old man realizes.

Letting go of her, the old man's hand is left to dangle lifelessly at the side.

The girl, now shaken, jumps off his protective arm, and scrambles away.

Wheee.

The old man turns away from the children and sits down on the pavement.

His hands are still shaking from when he touched the little girl earlier.

A prey escaped, he mutters under his breath.

A prey escaped... It escaped.

He remembers the supple skin of the girl.

He remembers the carnal desire that exploded within him when he found out the helplessness of the girl.

He remembers his inability to control it this one time.

He grins, a lewd toothless sneer, a less than comical expression.

After all, he has a few children waiting back home.

Wheee.

The old man recalls when Johnny fell down.

He remembers how the blood had excited him,

And how the innocence of all the children that rushed forward to protect him ignited more passion within him to continue what he was doing.

Wheee.

The old man starts to plot a way to make Johnny disappear

And appear

Within his house.

Afraid that these sudden blessings will disappear overnight. Afraid that these blessings will spoil me and I will no longer be able to appreciate the magic. Afraid...No. I'm loving every second of it, and that's what scares me, for the loss will be too great and I wouldn't be able to detach myself ever.

Such a surreal feeling.

It is such a warm family over there, treating the helper as part of them
A jovial and humorous mother
A heartwarming scene
Beautiful cups, plates and furniture

Having instant noodles together,
A bunch of teenagers cracking inside jokes and squealing from laughter
Watching television and commenting on the guys in the show
Taking turns at doing the project while watching Nigahiga videos
Singing songs and trying to harmonize but failing epically

The last two hours was the most productive
But it was hilarious and a memory to behold

Pizza for dinner
The domestic helper says to only have one slice so you can have more
You stop her saying 'it's more than enough, thank you'
While your classmate gives her two slices saying, 'I failed math'

Taking unglam selfies with just lips, noses and eyes

...having fun feels so surreal.

You are on cloud nine, sailing
Feeling the cool wind in your hair
And the colorful lights that bounce off your heart
Your heart absorbs the light
Lapping it up hungrily
As though if you didn't, this year will fly by too quickly and it will all be over.

For, something that you didn't ever get to have is now displayed in front of you,
A delicious gourmet, a selection of your favorite foods
Beautiful angels beckon for you to join them
Uncertain, you shuffle over, ready to dash for the door if it all dissipates

But it doesn't
And you are left wondering, over and over again, why and how did you find this room
Why and how. Why and how.

You receive an invitation, a long message over the phone,
Of how your classmate too had a lot of fun and would like for you guys to go over again
'YESH!' You replied, heartbeat accelerated, a flush of emotions you can't seem to handle

Yes.
Yes please.

It's so surreal.
It's like a dream.

And it wouldn't matter, your heart whispers.
It wouldn't matter, even if this is the one and only year you get to enjoy the luxury of fun.
It wouldn't matter, for having been there once and having gotten to hold the soft cushion of heartwarming simplicity is all that matters.

That the fear of losing what you have right now
Is nothing compared to the joy it brings in the current moment.

And all that's left to do
Is to enjoy it while it lasts.

And maybe, just maybe
... All of these wouldn't disappear

But that's too much to ask for, isn't it?

Fangirling over rice at midnight

C-could I... You know... Try this or sth?!

I HAVE TO TRY IT.

HAVE TO.

I don't care if I puke or get diarrhea from it like the time I combined coffee powder and chocolate  with rice

I don't care.

I just need to stop playing god and adding in ingredients not stated in the ingredient list.

It's a must try!!!