http://variety.com/2015/digital/news/youtube-gay-digital-stars-supreme-court-1201529176/
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2015/jun/26/gay-marriage-legal-supreme-court
You must already know about this, but in case you haven't, click on the links.
This is so amazing. :D
Saturday, 27 June 2015
Wednesday, 24 June 2015
One day I'll chat openly about shopping and clothes and hair with friends, and quit being so awkward about being girly.
Everything's so... New.
Haven't gone shopping since a long way back, so everything's been breaking down one after another. My room lights, too. Those started flickering and became really cool until it couldn't even be switched on afterward.
New watch
New jacket
New pair of specs
New bag
New school shoes
New clothes
.
.
... And so on.
There's still more stuffs to be replaced by new ones,
but I haven't done that much shopping yet.
I suppose there's finally something 'fashionable' about me now.
It feels so weird tho.
None of these items contain memories and none of them I have feelings for.
To add to that effect, I finally didn't purchase similar looking things.
Well... I suppose these feelings can be built from scratch again.
Kinda missing my old, scratched, marred, hard-to-see-clearly and yellowed-according-to-the-seller spectacles already. Kinda missing my old bed, old dim lights, old tablelight before it broke, old extreme-noisemaker fan before something inside literally flew and spun on its way out, old watch that I fiddled with whenever I was feeling something uncomfortable, old stripey jacket that provided comfort.
New things look better than the old,
But it doesn't feel better.
I suppose the one thing that wasn't replaced (and hopefully never will) is my hair.
This curly and messy-frizzy-bird-nest mop of hair that always looks like I rolled out of bed and a raccoon decided to do tap dance in it (okay yeah not so extreme hah just get the point won't you)--- which I have come to absolutely love and live with.
All I have to do is wash it and go to bed.
It doesn't look neat for sure, but it's fine the way it is the next morning
So that's great in its own way for me.
This typer here most definitely isn't the slender-pale-petite-sleekstraightblackhair-beauty that is considered attractive for Chinese people.
But whatever,
I really really like it, curly frizzy or wavy and whatnot.
It's my hair after all.
Those days of disliking my physical attributes are over.
.
Aaaanywayyys.
I miss my old stuffs.
And I kinda wanna get back to using them again, broken as they are. :<
Haven't gone shopping since a long way back, so everything's been breaking down one after another. My room lights, too. Those started flickering and became really cool until it couldn't even be switched on afterward.
New watch
New jacket
New pair of specs
New bag
New school shoes
New clothes
.
.
... And so on.
There's still more stuffs to be replaced by new ones,
but I haven't done that much shopping yet.
I suppose there's finally something 'fashionable' about me now.
It feels so weird tho.
None of these items contain memories and none of them I have feelings for.
To add to that effect, I finally didn't purchase similar looking things.
Well... I suppose these feelings can be built from scratch again.
Kinda missing my old, scratched, marred, hard-to-see-clearly and yellowed-according-to-the-seller spectacles already. Kinda missing my old bed, old dim lights, old tablelight before it broke, old extreme-noisemaker fan before something inside literally flew and spun on its way out, old watch that I fiddled with whenever I was feeling something uncomfortable, old stripey jacket that provided comfort.
New things look better than the old,
But it doesn't feel better.
I suppose the one thing that wasn't replaced (and hopefully never will) is my hair.
This curly and messy-frizzy-bird-nest mop of hair that always looks like I rolled out of bed and a raccoon decided to do tap dance in it (okay yeah not so extreme hah just get the point won't you)--- which I have come to absolutely love and live with.
All I have to do is wash it and go to bed.
It doesn't look neat for sure, but it's fine the way it is the next morning
So that's great in its own way for me.
This typer here most definitely isn't the slender-pale-petite-sleekstraightblackhair-beauty that is considered attractive for Chinese people.
But whatever,
I really really like it, curly frizzy or wavy and whatnot.
It's my hair after all.
Those days of disliking my physical attributes are over.
.
Aaaanywayyys.
I miss my old stuffs.
And I kinda wanna get back to using them again, broken as they are. :<
Sunday, 21 June 2015
粽子
Granny finally let me make dumplings. :D
Well, here's the mutated results from 2 hours practice and 1 hour of making 10 before I ran out of rice.
They're pretty badly done, but at least there's some hope of finally being of some help in the kitchen in the future.
The next practice session will be a year later, and the years after that, too, so this goin be great. Cuz, this was something I've always wanted to learn to make, and there wouldn't be much chances in the future.
It's just so... Nice to do.
Like drawing, or baking creations you can't consume.
Or dancing and looking like a duck monkeying around.
It's really nice to post things like these up here now, instead of Facebook.
It just seems so much more private that way. :>
And uh, side note? I'm glad they at least resemble somewhat of a triangle. And none of them decided to detach themselves from the knots and go swimming in the pot of water they were boiled in.
Family was so endearing too. They encourage you with kind and warm words even if your dumplings really cmi, even for first try.
Wednesday, 17 June 2015
Too many topics crammed in one post, as usual.
Tomorrow, we'd be up making rice dumplings wrapped in bamboo leaves with granny (Would be a great experience... That is, if I don't burn the kitchen down or piss granny off with my superb skills xD)
The day after, I'd be out on the second outing with friends in this month
Cat cafe for a friend's birthday (I finally managed to get the planning to work. YES. BOW TO ME HUMANS) Kinda nervous since I'm (kinda) afraid of cats... But what's the problem? I could always get myself to like them. Either way it wouldn't be a problem since dem friends don't know.
And after that, would be Father's Day.
Days like these are like Valentine's Day, filled with expectations, obligation and glorification. Love should be obvious and present in daily life, not just days like these. It should come in forms other than just celebrations and cakes and cards and the such. But of course, some people need these days as excuses for their busy lifestyles, and it's understandable.
I suppose, the magic is only present when the person you wanna surprise wants it to be a surprise. Like birthdays, it is only special when the birthday girl/guy thinks of it as special.
I may find these days to be special or I may not.
You, too
Alongside those I hold dear to me
May find these celebrations necessary, or you may not.
Adults seem to not care as much about these as youngsters
But birthdays are still important, in my point of view.
I feel like they secretly care about it, even if they aren't as enthusiastic anymore.
For those who don't care, it would just be another festival, another day.
Cuz, they would be looking for something more than just a day's worth of celebrations; although remembering that this day is supposed to be special---and that this person is someone really reaaallly special--- is what makes it so... Special.
Again, it boils down to what the person himself wants from you.
To remember, to make an effort, to be aware.
Some want it on that one special day.
Some want it in their daily lives.
Some want it in both.
Your choice, your judgment. :>
Speaking of which, which do you look for in relationships?
.
Sometimes, I forget what civillisation looks like
Sometimes, I forget humans exist outside of family
But ha, do I love holidays
Alone time is really precious, you know
One may really enjoy time with beautiful people in her social circle
And one may get so carried away with feelings of happiness that she forgets her inherent need for alone time, that when she suddenly attains this 'alone time', she realizes just how much she needed it.
After all, she's always like this: Enjoying time together with loved ones so much she forgets the need, or rather, she thinks she no longer needs it.
Until she gets strained without knowing it.
It's just part of me, ya know?
I need to retreat into my house with no humans around for a certain period of time after---Erhem---a certain period of time.
That's just how I am.
I don't dislike you, I don't grow tired of you.
I just need that time alone. And no, it's not because I'm depressed or anything.
I just need to be alone.
With books, movies, paper, pencils, and everything else you can think of that doesn't involve another human being.
It's a very precious time for recharging.
It's stifling when you are deprived of it.
And man, when you have it....
It feels so good.
People don't really understand this
People are confused since this side of me ain't apparent
I suppose it's just seen as 'emo' or something like that
Wait, is that word even still on trend?
See? I wouldn't know.
I'm a part time hermit. :>
Haha yeah I like that.
Part time hermit.
It's really more about personal space than anything else.
Similar to privacy which I absolutely treasure and need you to respect.
I like time with you, I do.
But I like time with me, too.
Except people usually don't understand this,
And it's just pointless to explain since they don't.
So I suppose, if you are interested in me,
Know this, alongside all the other stuffs.
This is as important as all the other boundaries I draw.
Because I just want you to know and remember:
No, I don't hate you. And no, I'm not suicidal.
And I'll find you once my battery is full once again.
So don't worry.
Or rather, don't run away.
I'm just a mere human, just like you.
The day after, I'd be out on the second outing with friends in this month
Cat cafe for a friend's birthday (I finally managed to get the planning to work. YES. BOW TO ME HUMANS) Kinda nervous since I'm (kinda) afraid of cats... But what's the problem? I could always get myself to like them. Either way it wouldn't be a problem since dem friends don't know.
And after that, would be Father's Day.
Days like these are like Valentine's Day, filled with expectations, obligation and glorification. Love should be obvious and present in daily life, not just days like these. It should come in forms other than just celebrations and cakes and cards and the such. But of course, some people need these days as excuses for their busy lifestyles, and it's understandable.
I suppose, the magic is only present when the person you wanna surprise wants it to be a surprise. Like birthdays, it is only special when the birthday girl/guy thinks of it as special.
I may find these days to be special or I may not.
You, too
Alongside those I hold dear to me
May find these celebrations necessary, or you may not.
Adults seem to not care as much about these as youngsters
But birthdays are still important, in my point of view.
I feel like they secretly care about it, even if they aren't as enthusiastic anymore.
For those who don't care, it would just be another festival, another day.
Cuz, they would be looking for something more than just a day's worth of celebrations; although remembering that this day is supposed to be special---and that this person is someone really reaaallly special--- is what makes it so... Special.
Again, it boils down to what the person himself wants from you.
To remember, to make an effort, to be aware.
Some want it on that one special day.
Some want it in their daily lives.
Some want it in both.
Your choice, your judgment. :>
Speaking of which, which do you look for in relationships?
.
Sometimes, I forget what civillisation looks like
Sometimes, I forget humans exist outside of family
But ha, do I love holidays
Alone time is really precious, you know
One may really enjoy time with beautiful people in her social circle
And one may get so carried away with feelings of happiness that she forgets her inherent need for alone time, that when she suddenly attains this 'alone time', she realizes just how much she needed it.
After all, she's always like this: Enjoying time together with loved ones so much she forgets the need, or rather, she thinks she no longer needs it.
Until she gets strained without knowing it.
It's just part of me, ya know?
I need to retreat into my house with no humans around for a certain period of time after---Erhem---a certain period of time.
That's just how I am.
I don't dislike you, I don't grow tired of you.
I just need that time alone. And no, it's not because I'm depressed or anything.
I just need to be alone.
With books, movies, paper, pencils, and everything else you can think of that doesn't involve another human being.
It's a very precious time for recharging.
It's stifling when you are deprived of it.
And man, when you have it....
It feels so good.
People don't really understand this
People are confused since this side of me ain't apparent
I suppose it's just seen as 'emo' or something like that
Wait, is that word even still on trend?
See? I wouldn't know.
I'm a part time hermit. :>
Haha yeah I like that.
Part time hermit.
It's really more about personal space than anything else.
Similar to privacy which I absolutely treasure and need you to respect.
I like time with you, I do.
But I like time with me, too.
Except people usually don't understand this,
And it's just pointless to explain since they don't.
So I suppose, if you are interested in me,
Know this, alongside all the other stuffs.
This is as important as all the other boundaries I draw.
Because I just want you to know and remember:
No, I don't hate you. And no, I'm not suicidal.
And I'll find you once my battery is full once again.
So don't worry.
Or rather, don't run away.
I'm just a mere human, just like you.
Monday, 15 June 2015
Halfway through
I've been reading some really great books recently.
Top that all off with movies I never checked out.
I gotta say, I can see what the hype is about :D
(Saw many scenes of couples making out too.... Ah. Ha...ha. Be more mature for goodness' sake, me)
>~<
Perks of Being a Wallflower
-Definitely, check this one out. Both the book and the movie. The author has a very subtle way of explaining the main character's past at the very end. People often miss it. I say it was very depressing indeed... For it explores the dark side of all the heavy and controversial topics in today's society. It's powerful, accurate, believable, and beautifully written, but it tugs at your heart strings so much you kind of get into a 'mood' for the next three days. At least, that was what happened to me. Couldn't get it out of my head. :(
The movie itself was great in my opinion. Logan Lerman did a great job portraying the quiet, repressed, and troubled teen that was Charlie. The crying scene at the end was exceptionally strong and memorable. :'> (dem feelz)
I really do feel like this movie gives an insight into the two issues of abuse and mental illness---without going all soppy and faked and all drama like. It was really like the recount of someone who has gone through it before... And I think that's something really precious in today's entertainment industry, where stories about abuse, mental illness, homosexuality, or issues of the such are pulled out and overused without truly knowing what it means to go through the such.
Tuesdays with Morrie
-The movie starts off with a working adult who's just too ambitious and busy to spend quality time with his girlfriend. Then someone he used to know---a teacher from the past---Morrie is about to die and he pays the old man a visit. Needless to say, everything changes from there.
Was shown this movie in school... It was so inspirational and so... Agh. Just watch it okay. The title doesn't do justice to the content and messages it sends.
I'm definitely reading the book once I have the time.
There are some really nice quotes in there, questions and things we all think about but fear too much to mention, and it shows it in the most truthful way ever.
"We must all love each other or die."
"Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."
^This one quote struck me right where it contained the most emotions.
Some emotions were never shown. Not meant to be faked or repressed, it's not expressed. That's how it built up. And that's how it haunted... And still haunts me. After all, how do you let go without having ever let it out before?
So it's never advised to deny emotions, as much as it causes you to shake with grievous impulses you always manage to control yet still desire to execute---once you acknowledge these emotions.
Because people take advantage of that.
And you will carry a load so heavy it's a burden, a burden you never deserved or was meant to carry. Lemme insert another quote here, since someone has done something again today that triggers all these. "Hatred is like swallowing poison and wishing the other party will die."
That, I got from some unknown source.
That, I think is very profound and accurate.
That, I think you readers need to know.
That, I hope will help you, if you're struggling. :)
The Winner's Trilogy
-Still trying to find the third book. I think it's not out yet. Granted, it's about love. But it's different in the sense that the first book encapsulates characters who are strong, intelligent, cunning, and yet loving and struggling. The two characters actually do get to know each other rather than just their 'good looks', and when they betray one another, one knows exactly how to pull it off. I'm not really liking the guy since he can get a little blind and cruel?.. Especially so in the second book, while the girl sacrifices (not more, but in a clearer way if you know what I mean).
There's chemistry---a lot of it--- and it's just... Different. Waaaay more than just superficial romance like some movies in my opinion. (Oops, heheh)
The first book was great.
The second... I haven't finished it yet.
Perhaps, this would be something nice to try out for once, apart from the genres you usually go for. ;)
Avatar
-I watched the movie, it was 3 hours well spent.
The art is just gorgeous and the emotions captured on the computerized Avatars are just... Okay, the eyes are kinda blank at times, but for the sake of computers, I would call it a great job well done.
The movie triggered some thoughts too: Humans colonize and harm another species for their own good and greed. Should a human then hurt his own kind in order to protect a worthy cause---that is this new species whom he formed bonds with, who are innocent and who do not deserve the humans' destruction?
Is it wrong to go against your own species if it means you are righting a wrong? What then is right, morals as we know it, morals alike to never abandoning family, or morals alike to protecting what you believe in?
About Time
Another romance movie that explores the topic of time travel.
It's different and definitely thought provoking.
"All the time traveling in the world can't make someone love you."
"The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."
See? It's not just about the sweet dancing butterflies in many romance movies nowadays.
Percy Jackson
-This is way too young for my age, but it was part of childhood that got stopped halfway because of the national exam at 12. I then forgot all about it for several years straight.
It's, well... Very suitable for pre-teens. Really fantastical and just hits all the right spots...
It's really good, and I couldn't stop reading the moment I started it, but it's that kind of perfect story with villains who don't kill the main characters, you know?
I really liked it.
I just wish I wasn't so old and jaded and boring. >~<
*sigh*
I need more fantasy in my life.
I am Number Four
-This series still appeals to me.
Yeah.
Similar to Percy Jackson, but it's still really good.
It's more believable since the characters all already have pasts of their own, and number 1-3 were killed already so I can forgive Four's living. (I do want him to live, tho)
I haven't had time to finish all the books yet tho. Gotta find time for that.
The movie for this and Percy Jackson has things changed, so it isn't as eventful and exciting in my point of view. But if one were to look at them as just movies without comparison to the books, these movies are not bad. :>
Parasyte
-First NC16 movie.
Got caught off guard when the main lead guy and girl started getting intimate.
About humanity and stuffs... Pretty good.
Slight gore in this, so it might surprise you.
The Maze Runner
-You don't realize the bigger purpose and the bigger world outside until you take the plunge of breaking rules that grants you a safe world but which doesn't give you answers. Similar to The Matrix (which was great as well), it's talking about courage to venture out, and the choice between truth and happiness; even thought the matrix focuses more on that.
This was more on hope and how humans always build some sort of system when thrown into a dire situation. This system may be civilized, or it may be savage. Either way, we alike to animals will find a way to thrive as a community, be it ruling through fear and autocracy, or (sometimes) chaos and democracy.
Okay I gotta apologize for these reviews that are getting shorter and shorter.
There's just so many. :p
I watched Titanic and Inception in the past too.
Ooh, were those good.
There's more I wanna be catching up on:
-Interstellar
-Harry Potter
-Transformers
-Chronicles of Narnia books
-Pride and Prejudice
-Batman (the one with the great actor? I wanna see the greatness of it)
-Some Korean dramas... Y'know ;)
-Some anime and manga (speaking of which I have a few favorite ones you wouldn't be interested in ...Sadly.)
-Some Chinese books
-Movies such as Mean Girls
-I wanna try out American chick flicks too. Why not?
But I don't think I have the time. :<
Half of this holiday is already gone but I'm definitely getting the most out of it this time, what with the revision and movie-book marathons and all.
Top that all off with movies I never checked out.
I gotta say, I can see what the hype is about :D
(Saw many scenes of couples making out too.... Ah. Ha...ha. Be more mature for goodness' sake, me)
>~<
Perks of Being a Wallflower
-Definitely, check this one out. Both the book and the movie. The author has a very subtle way of explaining the main character's past at the very end. People often miss it. I say it was very depressing indeed... For it explores the dark side of all the heavy and controversial topics in today's society. It's powerful, accurate, believable, and beautifully written, but it tugs at your heart strings so much you kind of get into a 'mood' for the next three days. At least, that was what happened to me. Couldn't get it out of my head. :(
The movie itself was great in my opinion. Logan Lerman did a great job portraying the quiet, repressed, and troubled teen that was Charlie. The crying scene at the end was exceptionally strong and memorable. :'> (dem feelz)
I really do feel like this movie gives an insight into the two issues of abuse and mental illness---without going all soppy and faked and all drama like. It was really like the recount of someone who has gone through it before... And I think that's something really precious in today's entertainment industry, where stories about abuse, mental illness, homosexuality, or issues of the such are pulled out and overused without truly knowing what it means to go through the such.
Tuesdays with Morrie
-The movie starts off with a working adult who's just too ambitious and busy to spend quality time with his girlfriend. Then someone he used to know---a teacher from the past---Morrie is about to die and he pays the old man a visit. Needless to say, everything changes from there.
Was shown this movie in school... It was so inspirational and so... Agh. Just watch it okay. The title doesn't do justice to the content and messages it sends.
I'm definitely reading the book once I have the time.
There are some really nice quotes in there, questions and things we all think about but fear too much to mention, and it shows it in the most truthful way ever.
"We must all love each other or die."
"Detachment doesn't mean you don't let the experience penetrate you. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. That's how you are able to leave it."
^This one quote struck me right where it contained the most emotions.
Some emotions were never shown. Not meant to be faked or repressed, it's not expressed. That's how it built up. And that's how it haunted... And still haunts me. After all, how do you let go without having ever let it out before?
So it's never advised to deny emotions, as much as it causes you to shake with grievous impulses you always manage to control yet still desire to execute---once you acknowledge these emotions.
Because people take advantage of that.
And you will carry a load so heavy it's a burden, a burden you never deserved or was meant to carry. Lemme insert another quote here, since someone has done something again today that triggers all these. "Hatred is like swallowing poison and wishing the other party will die."
That, I got from some unknown source.
That, I think is very profound and accurate.
That, I think you readers need to know.
That, I hope will help you, if you're struggling. :)
The Winner's Trilogy
-Still trying to find the third book. I think it's not out yet. Granted, it's about love. But it's different in the sense that the first book encapsulates characters who are strong, intelligent, cunning, and yet loving and struggling. The two characters actually do get to know each other rather than just their 'good looks', and when they betray one another, one knows exactly how to pull it off. I'm not really liking the guy since he can get a little blind and cruel?.. Especially so in the second book, while the girl sacrifices (not more, but in a clearer way if you know what I mean).
There's chemistry---a lot of it--- and it's just... Different. Waaaay more than just superficial romance like some movies in my opinion. (Oops, heheh)
The first book was great.
The second... I haven't finished it yet.
Perhaps, this would be something nice to try out for once, apart from the genres you usually go for. ;)
Avatar
-I watched the movie, it was 3 hours well spent.
The art is just gorgeous and the emotions captured on the computerized Avatars are just... Okay, the eyes are kinda blank at times, but for the sake of computers, I would call it a great job well done.
The movie triggered some thoughts too: Humans colonize and harm another species for their own good and greed. Should a human then hurt his own kind in order to protect a worthy cause---that is this new species whom he formed bonds with, who are innocent and who do not deserve the humans' destruction?
Is it wrong to go against your own species if it means you are righting a wrong? What then is right, morals as we know it, morals alike to never abandoning family, or morals alike to protecting what you believe in?
About Time
Another romance movie that explores the topic of time travel.
It's different and definitely thought provoking.
"All the time traveling in the world can't make someone love you."
"The truth is I now don't travel back at all, not even for the day, I just try to live every day as if I've deliberately come back to this one day, to enjoy it, as if it was the full final day of my extraordinary, ordinary life."
See? It's not just about the sweet dancing butterflies in many romance movies nowadays.
Percy Jackson
-This is way too young for my age, but it was part of childhood that got stopped halfway because of the national exam at 12. I then forgot all about it for several years straight.
It's, well... Very suitable for pre-teens. Really fantastical and just hits all the right spots...
It's really good, and I couldn't stop reading the moment I started it, but it's that kind of perfect story with villains who don't kill the main characters, you know?
I really liked it.
I just wish I wasn't so old and jaded and boring. >~<
*sigh*
I need more fantasy in my life.
I am Number Four
-This series still appeals to me.
Yeah.
Similar to Percy Jackson, but it's still really good.
It's more believable since the characters all already have pasts of their own, and number 1-3 were killed already so I can forgive Four's living. (I do want him to live, tho)
I haven't had time to finish all the books yet tho. Gotta find time for that.
The movie for this and Percy Jackson has things changed, so it isn't as eventful and exciting in my point of view. But if one were to look at them as just movies without comparison to the books, these movies are not bad. :>
Parasyte
-First NC16 movie.
Got caught off guard when the main lead guy and girl started getting intimate.
About humanity and stuffs... Pretty good.
Slight gore in this, so it might surprise you.
The Maze Runner
-You don't realize the bigger purpose and the bigger world outside until you take the plunge of breaking rules that grants you a safe world but which doesn't give you answers. Similar to The Matrix (which was great as well), it's talking about courage to venture out, and the choice between truth and happiness; even thought the matrix focuses more on that.
This was more on hope and how humans always build some sort of system when thrown into a dire situation. This system may be civilized, or it may be savage. Either way, we alike to animals will find a way to thrive as a community, be it ruling through fear and autocracy, or (sometimes) chaos and democracy.
Okay I gotta apologize for these reviews that are getting shorter and shorter.
There's just so many. :p
I watched Titanic and Inception in the past too.
Ooh, were those good.
There's more I wanna be catching up on:
-Interstellar
-Harry Potter
-Transformers
-Chronicles of Narnia books
-Pride and Prejudice
-Batman (the one with the great actor? I wanna see the greatness of it)
-Some Korean dramas... Y'know ;)
-Some anime and manga (speaking of which I have a few favorite ones you wouldn't be interested in ...Sadly.)
-Some Chinese books
-Movies such as Mean Girls
-I wanna try out American chick flicks too. Why not?
But I don't think I have the time. :<
Half of this holiday is already gone but I'm definitely getting the most out of it this time, what with the revision and movie-book marathons and all.
Sunday, 14 June 2015
Balance. Something in between. I received a wake-up call today; was blocked by two of these people all of a sudden. All emotions aside, this is a good learning experience. :)
When you want someone to stay away from you,
What do you do?
Do you state it explicitly?
Something along the lines of 'Hey I'm here to break your heart with a list of the things I dislike about you, and I hope that you will not get close to me in the future.'
Or do you drop hints everywhere, distancing yourself in subtle ways, hoping he/she will get it and the two of you will drift apart?
Trusted adults advise you to do this instead.
Said it was gentler, better, and wiser.
You did so,
But it has been proven time and again that people just take this to be an invitation you never meant to give.
As though if you didn't use all the cruel words and determined tones,
They wouldn't get it, or they would pretend not to,
And continue dragging things out with you.
It's so much worse that way.
It's so much worse.
And then one day you snap because doing these in subtle ways was never your style to begin with, and what adults said was wiser didn't seem so to you.
There's been so many cases of that.
A few teachers who wanted you to help out in things you didn't believe in
A friend who approached you and whom you became concerned for over time despite still not liking her (she's one of the few who got it and one of two who decided to block you, so it's a blessing in disguise for her)
A few guys who chatted with you out of nowhere
All of them had... Intentions.
You didn't like them for reasons, and you chose to hint subtly instead of confronting. It was said to be the better method, which wasn't the case.
The story was always like this: You are approached, you don't state it explicitly, it drags out, and you develop feelings of attachment like being worried and stuffs that makes it harder to end things... Even if you don't like them.
Or, you snap and tell them exactly what you have been feeling for a long time. You explain things like 'I responded because it's the right thing to do, and I was being polite. But I do not and did not have the intention to ________)
To you, it would have been blatantly obvious right from the start.
To them, it's like the truth is finally revealed for once.
[The thing is, no one will ever know what you're thinking or feeling if you don't ever say it out loud blatantly and without the many layers of filters and reservations. Especially so, if you're someone like me. I don't ever mean to do it, but people rarely get my hints, as showy and crazy right-there-for-you-to-pick-up it is for them. It never is "out-there" enough, I suppose.]
And so, what you always would naturally plan for from the start was exactly what would happen in the end anyway. So then, should you have been subtle, or should you have been cruel?
Both methods are cruel in their own ways, so which exactly is wiser?
You need an answer, you tried for an answer.
But both ways seem pretty terrible anyway, so perhaps you should try for a balanced 'in between'.
Something that isn't overly subtle that's only obvious for you,
And something that isn't so straightforward it cuts them like it cuts you over time.
Obvious hints, huh.
Perhaps 'ignoring' that goes against your principals would be obvious enough.
But wouldn't it really hurt them?
But it is this very mindset that keeps all these unhealthy relationships going, after all. It too is perhaps the very thing that invites all these unhealthy relationships in the first place.
All those from the past have finally been stopped,
But one seems to be brewing
And you gotta find a way to stop it from happening.
Some way in between.
What do you do?
Do you state it explicitly?
Something along the lines of 'Hey I'm here to break your heart with a list of the things I dislike about you, and I hope that you will not get close to me in the future.'
Or do you drop hints everywhere, distancing yourself in subtle ways, hoping he/she will get it and the two of you will drift apart?
Trusted adults advise you to do this instead.
Said it was gentler, better, and wiser.
You did so,
But it has been proven time and again that people just take this to be an invitation you never meant to give.
As though if you didn't use all the cruel words and determined tones,
They wouldn't get it, or they would pretend not to,
And continue dragging things out with you.
It's so much worse that way.
It's so much worse.
And then one day you snap because doing these in subtle ways was never your style to begin with, and what adults said was wiser didn't seem so to you.
There's been so many cases of that.
A few teachers who wanted you to help out in things you didn't believe in
A friend who approached you and whom you became concerned for over time despite still not liking her (she's one of the few who got it and one of two who decided to block you, so it's a blessing in disguise for her)
A few guys who chatted with you out of nowhere
All of them had... Intentions.
You didn't like them for reasons, and you chose to hint subtly instead of confronting. It was said to be the better method, which wasn't the case.
The story was always like this: You are approached, you don't state it explicitly, it drags out, and you develop feelings of attachment like being worried and stuffs that makes it harder to end things... Even if you don't like them.
Or, you snap and tell them exactly what you have been feeling for a long time. You explain things like 'I responded because it's the right thing to do, and I was being polite. But I do not and did not have the intention to ________)
To you, it would have been blatantly obvious right from the start.
To them, it's like the truth is finally revealed for once.
[The thing is, no one will ever know what you're thinking or feeling if you don't ever say it out loud blatantly and without the many layers of filters and reservations. Especially so, if you're someone like me. I don't ever mean to do it, but people rarely get my hints, as showy and crazy right-there-for-you-to-pick-up it is for them. It never is "out-there" enough, I suppose.]
And so, what you always would naturally plan for from the start was exactly what would happen in the end anyway. So then, should you have been subtle, or should you have been cruel?
Both methods are cruel in their own ways, so which exactly is wiser?
You need an answer, you tried for an answer.
But both ways seem pretty terrible anyway, so perhaps you should try for a balanced 'in between'.
Something that isn't overly subtle that's only obvious for you,
And something that isn't so straightforward it cuts them like it cuts you over time.
Obvious hints, huh.
Perhaps 'ignoring' that goes against your principals would be obvious enough.
But wouldn't it really hurt them?
But it is this very mindset that keeps all these unhealthy relationships going, after all. It too is perhaps the very thing that invites all these unhealthy relationships in the first place.
All those from the past have finally been stopped,
But one seems to be brewing
And you gotta find a way to stop it from happening.
Some way in between.
Friday, 12 June 2015
When things happen, people need to vent. Without providing details, and by being as vague as possible, people will vent and expose their vulnerability to you. During those times, just... Be there. Be there without all the prying and questions with intentions as dirty as some hearts.
This broke my heart.
...Sigh.
Being a public figure doesn't make it your obligation to expose anything and everything about yourself. Being a public figure doesn't mean that you should stop being human, and stop being regarded as one.
One doesn't show concern through asking for details even when you know we can't---it hurts too much. That kind of concern is nosiness and cruelty, only for gratifying your own hungry thirst of curiosity, or the sense of feeling like you have contributed and helped out during one's roughest times, when in fact, you haven't.
You have only become part of what made those times rough.
How cruel it is of these people to say of these things in that way, in that twisted way of mutilating her intentions and true personality... When it is her personal life to keep and her personal secrets to share, or likewise, not to share.
How cruel.
Now she can't be as open in the future.
Now she can't have her safe place any longer.
Trust---in a person, in a community, in humanity---crumbles once it's breached.
Time is no matter at all; what really matters and what really can only matter is how easily trust will break once betrayal in every sense occurs. Faith, hope, and forgiveness has nothing to do with this.
You break trust, you break something once that you can never ever mend. Ever.
It can only be rebuilt.
Things will change.
And it will be irreversible. For good, or for bad.
I really hope she will be okay
She will,
But you know...
Yeah.
You get me.
Poor Lindy :'(
...Sigh.
Being a public figure doesn't make it your obligation to expose anything and everything about yourself. Being a public figure doesn't mean that you should stop being human, and stop being regarded as one.
One doesn't show concern through asking for details even when you know we can't---it hurts too much. That kind of concern is nosiness and cruelty, only for gratifying your own hungry thirst of curiosity, or the sense of feeling like you have contributed and helped out during one's roughest times, when in fact, you haven't.
You have only become part of what made those times rough.
How cruel it is of these people to say of these things in that way, in that twisted way of mutilating her intentions and true personality... When it is her personal life to keep and her personal secrets to share, or likewise, not to share.
How cruel.
Now she can't be as open in the future.
Now she can't have her safe place any longer.
Trust---in a person, in a community, in humanity---crumbles once it's breached.
Time is no matter at all; what really matters and what really can only matter is how easily trust will break once betrayal in every sense occurs. Faith, hope, and forgiveness has nothing to do with this.
You break trust, you break something once that you can never ever mend. Ever.
It can only be rebuilt.
Things will change.
And it will be irreversible. For good, or for bad.
I really hope she will be okay
She will,
But you know...
Yeah.
You get me.
Poor Lindy :'(
Wednesday, 10 June 2015
OOTD for first date... Probably. I mean, if I'm so into you, you are most probably someone into these kinda things as well.
http://item.taobao.com/item.htm?spm=a230r.1.14.1.ngfQua&id=44720552022&ns=1&abbucket=0#detail
^ One day I will buy something like this.
Sleepover somewhere with someone I love and who appreciates these kinda things (Sadly my parents wouldn't feel the same way I do) Stay up all night, lounge around in these, and talk. Or watch movies. Or sing along to songs while playing card games. Maybe bake a few cakes and burn the kitchen down. Maybe share tubs of ice cream (THE FUDGY CHOCOLATE BROWNIES ONES. ALWAYS GET THE FUDGY BROWNIE CHOCOLATE ONES. WAIT OR WAS IT CHOCOLATE FUDGY BROWNIES) and get fat together.
Or maybe... Just maybe. Go out together in these.
At midnight of course.
Maybe walk the beach in these.
Or perhaps go overseas together and shop around in these.
Ooooooooooh the possibilities are endless!
*starry eyed*
(Or maybe cross-eyed, who knows)
>~< It's such an enticing image... Bahahaha
Monday, 8 June 2015
Touch
Is physical contact used to show affection?
It may be something natural we do to show that we care,
Or an uncontrollable action we're unable to contain within ourselves
Or even a wordless method at times. To comfort, to persuade, to spill love.
Then
There's no need to fear
That is, if the intentions are not impure
Much like that guy on the street whom you thought at first to be trying to help you, since you are almost always lost when out on your own, and probably look the part, too.
You were dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt... So there shouldn't have been a reason. Except that you were alone, at night, and that the first thought that comes to mind is a kind and helpful soul.
*shudders*
I won't ever be that trusting a.k.a.
(unbelievably stupid with all my sensors shut down) again.
Not ever, after that experience.
Even if it wasn't a choice to begin with. :<
.
Physical contact.
Quite the interesting thing isn't it.
It may be something natural we do to show that we care,
Or an uncontrollable action we're unable to contain within ourselves
Or even a wordless method at times. To comfort, to persuade, to spill love.
Then
There's no need to fear
That is, if the intentions are not impure
Much like that guy on the street whom you thought at first to be trying to help you, since you are almost always lost when out on your own, and probably look the part, too.
You were dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt... So there shouldn't have been a reason. Except that you were alone, at night, and that the first thought that comes to mind is a kind and helpful soul.
*shudders*
I won't ever be that trusting a.k.a.
(unbelievably stupid with all my sensors shut down) again.
Not ever, after that experience.
Even if it wasn't a choice to begin with. :<
.
Physical contact.
Quite the interesting thing isn't it.
Saturday, 6 June 2015
What's your personality type?
I discovered my type the other day; it was made a workshop in school
What was most surprising was that it was exactly what I had predicted when the different aspects were explained, and that it hasn't changed at all from 3 years ago.
It was absurd back then, but now it seems as though many things are coming true
You don't think it is entirely accurate of course,
Nor are you that very wonderful figure as described by your type
Nor do you think that you are that dominant in the aspects mentioned
But it is true to some extent.
You have read up on it, and found that it does explain quite a bit of your internal thoughts and feelings
Why, it feels like you now know why you feel a certain away about things, why you behave the way you do, or even why you believe the things you do.
It's truly an exquisite feeling to have things explained by others of the same type,
For you don't feel so weird anymore.
You now have a lazy excuse;
You're that type, therefore.
It most definitely doesn't define you,
Nor does it explain you fully
If anything, it does stereotype a little
However, it does play that tiny role in self discovery.
Here, if you haven't tried it out before
A quiz
You won't regret it.
That is, if you answer honestly and without reservations. :)
What was most surprising was that it was exactly what I had predicted when the different aspects were explained, and that it hasn't changed at all from 3 years ago.
It was absurd back then, but now it seems as though many things are coming true
You don't think it is entirely accurate of course,
Nor are you that very wonderful figure as described by your type
Nor do you think that you are that dominant in the aspects mentioned
But it is true to some extent.
You have read up on it, and found that it does explain quite a bit of your internal thoughts and feelings
Why, it feels like you now know why you feel a certain away about things, why you behave the way you do, or even why you believe the things you do.
It's truly an exquisite feeling to have things explained by others of the same type,
For you don't feel so weird anymore.
You now have a lazy excuse;
You're that type, therefore.
It most definitely doesn't define you,
Nor does it explain you fully
If anything, it does stereotype a little
However, it does play that tiny role in self discovery.
Here, if you haven't tried it out before
A quiz
You won't regret it.
That is, if you answer honestly and without reservations. :)
Thursday, 4 June 2015
Thinking about it makes sleep trickle even further away from me
I.
Can't.
Sleeeeeeeeeeepppp...
I'm dying.
I am certain of it.
Now, for a will...
*sigh*
There must be a way to stop one's brain from overheating
Certain thoughts don't stop running even though it should be let go of.
Just recovered from a fever and a-day-in-the-life-of-a-zombie from the past week
This isn't good
I want to have my durians :'<
This time
No one's restricting me from having my beloved durians
No one, you hear?!
I missed it the previous year cuz of a similar reason too I think
And so
Nothing's gonna be able to stop me this year
I have held back too long!
Can't wait!
Can't.
Sleeeeeeeeeeepppp...
I'm dying.
I am certain of it.
Now, for a will...
*sigh*
There must be a way to stop one's brain from overheating
Certain thoughts don't stop running even though it should be let go of.
Just recovered from a fever and a-day-in-the-life-of-a-zombie from the past week
This isn't good
I want to have my durians :'<
This time
No one's restricting me from having my beloved durians
No one, you hear?!
I missed it the previous year cuz of a similar reason too I think
And so
Nothing's gonna be able to stop me this year
I have held back too long!
Can't wait!
The point I'm making is as sharp as a broken pencil, as clear as carbon dioxide in limewater, as straightforward as a beating round the bush.
9 drafts already and she still lacks the courage and coherence to convey whatever it was she wanted to convey. All that mumbo-jumbo junk, lumped and strung together like an ugly piece of music... Except music is never ugly.
She had a point... She wants to have a point in whatever she's posting up here
But why is it that one should always, always, always have to have a point?!
Enough brain farts for one day
She has written and rewritten,
Rewrote and wrote,
But nothing she's capable of revealing, not without being used to being so open first. The door has been opened too easily and early, after all.
Too soon, too quick..
And it's getting a little too.. Fast.
There's no point in this post.
Just to let the readers know of your brain farts.
Let the songs explain. :)
Explain what, you say?
Why, I don't know.
There's so much.
From a certain someone who wouldn't leave my jelly mass of a brain,
To a certain chunk of thoughts and feelings and uh.. A confession
All of them good,
Just too quick to be spoken or written of.
And to be honest,
It's really embarrassing to speak of things like these.
Well...the songs explain too much of what I'm feeling right now...is all that I can say. I'm totally hooked.
Don't know what it means... But listen to it. What you feel is perhaps what I am feeling, too.
Same thing as above
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p0FTbJ5AStY
These are really beautiful songs, eh?
I really like them
Beautiful and lovely,
Just like my life.
She had a point... She wants to have a point in whatever she's posting up here
But why is it that one should always, always, always have to have a point?!
Enough brain farts for one day
She has written and rewritten,
Rewrote and wrote,
But nothing she's capable of revealing, not without being used to being so open first. The door has been opened too easily and early, after all.
Too soon, too quick..
And it's getting a little too.. Fast.
There's no point in this post.
Just to let the readers know of your brain farts.
Let the songs explain. :)
Explain what, you say?
Why, I don't know.
There's so much.
From a certain someone who wouldn't leave my jelly mass of a brain,
To a certain chunk of thoughts and feelings and uh.. A confession
All of them good,
Just too quick to be spoken or written of.
And to be honest,
It's really embarrassing to speak of things like these.
Well...the songs explain too much of what I'm feeling right now...is all that I can say. I'm totally hooked.
Don't know what it means... But listen to it. What you feel is perhaps what I am feeling, too.
Same thing as above
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=p0FTbJ5AStY
These are really beautiful songs, eh?
I really like them
Beautiful and lovely,
Just like my life.
Tuesday, 2 June 2015
Know these needles if you are to stay. :>
I think many things in life boil down to the same ole concept,
Honesty.
When will we meet, my friend?
Promises have become so worthless now because of how dishonest people are about themselves and everyone else. They know that they will not carry it out, but they do not face those genuine emotions as they should. Instead, they promise and promise, for the simple reason of it sounding like music to the ear.
If you don't feel that strongly for someone, what's the point in saying such irresponsible things?
The reciprocating of people's actions becomes meaningless when you sense that the emotions are not that genuine.
It's intentions are not genuine, so how do you accept it?
Perhaps this is pride, or just plain stubbornness.
But you do not wish to accept gifts that were given, not out of love because the two of you are friends, but because of how you have once given her something too and she wants to return something---anything, really--- back just so she can not feel indebted to you.
It's so... Cheap that way.
This gift was shoved into my bag even though I explicitly stated that I didn't want you to spend for me. That stubbornness is unnatural. If you truly liked my company and wanted to make me happy, you would have tried to do so with time, or something else with much thought.
You wouldn't have dragged me into an expensive store, refusing to leave, and buying me the 'cheapest one inside' just so I would accept it. You wouldn't have ignored the fact that I walked out of the store before you could buy anything, and waited for you outside, not talking a word more about the gift.
You wouldn't have left early.
You wouldn't have disregarded all the things a 'friend' should care about.
Your intentions were clear---to clear a debt, not for a friend.
If it were instead a thoughtful and sweet gesture, I'd have felt it.
But no, it wasn't there.
So how can one accept a gift like that?
How can you not refuse something so meaningless?
You are lonely, but not desperate.
And this is precisely the reason for your dislike for this one person.
Lack of authenticity. Lack of honesty in her emotions.
She likes to write really nice sounding cards and posts to you on Facebook,
But when it comes down to actually spending time together in real life,
You don't feel or see it from her.
It never feels like a friendship.
And so gifts like that shouldn't be accepted
You can't appreciate something for intentions that aren't there.
Adults call this nitpicking and over-sensitivity,
But it is part of you and you don't want to change it.
Your honesty or need for it will ruin relationships like it already has,
And it will continue to do so, for you are confident that this is the way to go
That this filtering of people in your life with that perfectionistic standard of need for authenticity is exactly what ensures that what's left behind is what will last throughout time.
That there will be honesty this way, that this honesty will ensure growth and a closeness that transverse all boundaries, that doesn't get rusty even if it's only a brief meeting every few months.
That as prickly a person it makes you,
You will not change it,
For it is these pins and needles that will drive away the fickle and shallow ones,
And you will be slightly lonely,
But never depressed or empty.
Instead, you will be filled to the brim with something so warm it defrosts ice within the world.
Honesty.
When will we meet, my friend?
Promises have become so worthless now because of how dishonest people are about themselves and everyone else. They know that they will not carry it out, but they do not face those genuine emotions as they should. Instead, they promise and promise, for the simple reason of it sounding like music to the ear.
If you don't feel that strongly for someone, what's the point in saying such irresponsible things?
The reciprocating of people's actions becomes meaningless when you sense that the emotions are not that genuine.
It's intentions are not genuine, so how do you accept it?
Perhaps this is pride, or just plain stubbornness.
But you do not wish to accept gifts that were given, not out of love because the two of you are friends, but because of how you have once given her something too and she wants to return something---anything, really--- back just so she can not feel indebted to you.
It's so... Cheap that way.
This gift was shoved into my bag even though I explicitly stated that I didn't want you to spend for me. That stubbornness is unnatural. If you truly liked my company and wanted to make me happy, you would have tried to do so with time, or something else with much thought.
You wouldn't have dragged me into an expensive store, refusing to leave, and buying me the 'cheapest one inside' just so I would accept it. You wouldn't have ignored the fact that I walked out of the store before you could buy anything, and waited for you outside, not talking a word more about the gift.
You wouldn't have left early.
You wouldn't have disregarded all the things a 'friend' should care about.
Your intentions were clear---to clear a debt, not for a friend.
If it were instead a thoughtful and sweet gesture, I'd have felt it.
But no, it wasn't there.
So how can one accept a gift like that?
How can you not refuse something so meaningless?
You are lonely, but not desperate.
And this is precisely the reason for your dislike for this one person.
Lack of authenticity. Lack of honesty in her emotions.
She likes to write really nice sounding cards and posts to you on Facebook,
But when it comes down to actually spending time together in real life,
You don't feel or see it from her.
It never feels like a friendship.
And so gifts like that shouldn't be accepted
You can't appreciate something for intentions that aren't there.
Adults call this nitpicking and over-sensitivity,
But it is part of you and you don't want to change it.
Your honesty or need for it will ruin relationships like it already has,
And it will continue to do so, for you are confident that this is the way to go
That this filtering of people in your life with that perfectionistic standard of need for authenticity is exactly what ensures that what's left behind is what will last throughout time.
That there will be honesty this way, that this honesty will ensure growth and a closeness that transverse all boundaries, that doesn't get rusty even if it's only a brief meeting every few months.
That as prickly a person it makes you,
You will not change it,
For it is these pins and needles that will drive away the fickle and shallow ones,
And you will be slightly lonely,
But never depressed or empty.
Instead, you will be filled to the brim with something so warm it defrosts ice within the world.
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