It was a good dream, at least.

Couple minutes to 3 and I'm still not asleep.

Soon it'll be three and I'll want to update this again.

'Beyond exhaustion': this is one of those terms you don't wanna be using till you're pushed to the limit, and it's not like I'm crumbling into dust or anything;
It's just that upon reaching home from sending my elder brother into the army I'd slept an obscene amount that hadn't helped one bit.
Now I'm back to feeling like a straggly sack of wilted potatoes even though indulgent sleep purportedly recharges you.
Rather than rejuvenating rest, I guess you could call it regenerative.
For the soul or the brain I can't quite put my finger on, though.
(It was as though the depths of Tartarus had me within its clutches and I was falling deep into the abyss of Dreamsville despite being a typical light-sleeper that awakens at the sound of rain.)
To be exact.. it had been a total of fourteen hours. Dinner was non-existent and it was basically going into hibernation mode. Dreams were long and detailed, and interpretations online claim it to be me subconsciously feeling worthy of being loved. *smirks* Then, the holiday was over and I was back to school, back to staying in the school library till 9, back to spending Fridays there as well, back to trying to cram bio and flipping out over math.

My vision's getting blurry and my head's spinning,
My limbs are sore and my shoulders stiff strings of stretched candy
Soon I'll get cold easily and wear a jacket 24/7 like I don't already do that..

But I still don't really want to do this.

Thing is,
If you fall asleep the next thing you're aware of is a new day,
And I don't really want that.
I'm selfishly extending my Saturday and my precious manga time
Because it doesn't feel enough.

And I know that this is all discipline,
That I really really really need to get my shit together
That staying in libraries till 9 is what JC life's about.
That, it still isn't enough.

Truth be told I do actually enjoy it-
The silence of the darkened school and the brightness of the lights that overpower the warmth of the stars makes it slightly magical, and for that I like it. After all, studying is a solitary event, and even through that recharging one's 'battery' is made possible.
In short, it helps. It's just that I happen to really appreciate a specific sort of alone time, that's all.


*breathes*


Oooookaaayy,
I think I can do it now.