Breath.

PW results were released today;
There were so many crying faces before and after it,
That I couldn't help but stiffen up.

Then
It shone before my eyes-
A, I got an A.
Before anything else relief had flooded me
And I was filled with a sort of tension, the sort that prevents any sort of emotion from making its way onto your face.
Because everyone else was crying;
More than half the class had Bs

And here in my school (and to a certain extent, my society)
not getting an A for Project Work is like failing,
Getting a C beyond words.

I didn't dare to smile;
Woodenly I returned to the teacher and asked to look at the class list again-
Because you never know if you've hallucinated

Then silently I left the hall full of moans and sobs
Wondering why no one else moved.

Later it would occur to me that in doing so I'd yet again segregated myself from the pack, because when I passed them again
And they were huddled in a group,
I was greeted with death stares.
Because apparently not having shown off isn't enough,
You have to be in the same situation.
Else, you're haughty- even if you don't mean to be so.

.
But for the very moment whereby I left the hall
And was free to feel,
A sort of sparkle made its way into my eye
The woodenness left my joints
And I was intentionally frozen no more.
Turning to the side,
I smiled to myself, then covered my mouth in a kiddish attempt to hide it.

The group leader who was against me
And the fiend who snatched my idea
Had both gotten Bs

Hey, I don't mean to gloat.
But take that will ya.

.
Frankly, I didn't have to get a grade better than those who harmed me;
I simply wanted my efforts to pay off,
for something to be fair that way,
And for all that I've put in to be reflected in the results.

To be open about my happiness would have been to
Rub it in the faces of some of my classmates,
And it wouldn't have been good.

To console them would be pointless and somewhat hypocritical,
So I thought to keep my joy to myself
And restrict the sharing of it to family.

After all that shit I've had to face,
At least one thing's fair and just;
And that is rather a nice feeling to have.


.
Some new person I am now getting along with left the hall, too
Then told me that it was because of me
That the pressure to stay cuz of everyone else was lifted.
Yeah, well
I thought it to be an overstatement till they looked at me in that way, so there.
It probably wasn't the smartest thing to do, seeing as how they were emotional
And this only served to perpetuate the barrier between my classmates and I.

But you know I don't adhere to such things-
I end up all alone,
But free
And happy.