Light.

Ever since you've opened up to me,

The text messages have been constant.

There was so much detail, so much venting,

Such raw emotion and yet a lack of expression when it comes to that,

That I told you advice I knew you wouldn't like.

You weren't listening of course,

And I suppose I pissed you off because you wouldn't message me again afterwards.

Since I may have crossed a line I shouldn't have,

I figured I should keep myself away until you felt comfortable again.
I let a week go by,

But it then occurred to me

That this was probably the case for everyone

That we're always waiting for the other to make the move,

That we're never honest and never courageous enough.

So I sent you this song

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Lm1-W0jow

And then this, which was more accurate

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EboJrjl_ELI

Because I'm clumsy like that,

And I'll say this, truthfully, for me and me alone-

It is actually taxing to listen and be powerless to help;

You watch as that someone is set down a path of downward spiral,

Drowned in self pity and unable to take in anything from the outside-

The stories are never ending, you try to say what would improve it

But it doesn't happen- because,

And you're kind of reduced to a wooden block of nods and hugs.

.

I've said it before and I'll say it again

I'm no noble human,

And ultimately things have to start from you, y'know?

That first step comes from within- 

.

I am losing my voice again.

That used to happen twice a year in the past,

But I stopped over eating durian and chocolate

Knew how to take care of my voice

And managed to curb it,

Always, right before it disappears.

Perhaps it's due to the singing competition which I decided to enter (which I got eliminated from, of course 😅)

Or the speech competition (semi finals happens on Wednesday)

Or the storytelling sessions that I've increased to twice a week, just for a little while 

Or very simply,

Allll that talking that I've been doing.

*breathes in*

I've gotta be careful about inhaling strepsils and drowning myself in honey lemon water too, but things are going great and I'm finally resuming the weekly castor oil hair treatments that I tried to start, as a New Years resolution. 

As far as I'm concerned,

I haven't broken no resolution yet. (Pff, yeah.)

.

If I were to compliment myself for one thing done right so far,

It'd be the fact that I've improved in storytelling

From that one disastrous session

To the one where a boy tried to look under my dress

To the one from yesterday,

Where kids laughed, librarians came together to watch me in a group
Said that they wanted to learn from me (which is realllyyyy pressurizing, btw) 

And they told me that they'd be conducting sessions of their own, too

(Who knows, it may have finally been started due to my existence)

Oookay~

Noww we're simply going too far. 😋

Either way,

I am doing my best.

I am trying my best at what I want to do,

And that alone is enough to propel me forward. 

Look at the subs, you'll love this.