I still can't forgive myself.

I still am unable to go beyond 'if only I didn't' s,
And I still feel like so much of a failure.

It is an extreme mindset
Because I remember going up to that guy with the humble and genuine speech, telling him heartfelt compliments
Or how I was unable to feel jealousy for the contestant from my school who got first,
Because she's such a lovely and caring person;

I still feel like all of it is my fault
And that I definitely could have done better if only I wasn't condemned by my own mistake.


It's all my fault,
And I feel so diminished for that.

I just..
I just can't seem to forgive myself:
I feel like I screwed up, and so I'm a screwed up person, you know that?

I feel like I can't live with this, because I'm regretting so much.