The air conditioner's howling.

I wonder if this is what it means to be chasing a dream.

I know it's not a delusion,
Just,
Faraway,
And blurry.

Because it feels like you're on a marathon trying not to stop, then realising that you're actually rooted in one spot on the treadmill, all the while trying to fly to the other extreme end within your mind.

Recently it's gotten better,
Breaks help
And staying hopeful about most things remind you of the good that could be waiting just round the corner.

That's why I'm not giving up,
But that is not to say that I'll shoulder all of this with a smile, either.

Writing helps;
I'm being an emotional wreck right now
So really all I need a warm mug of nostalgic fulfilment
And a hug

But you end up wearing the spikes embedded in your heart
On the outside instead,
Meant to injure, meant to warn, meant also as a call for help.


It can't be this bad for everyone, can it?
Someone just as easily broken down by stress said this aloof line of 'We're just a bunch of kids taking an exam'
And indeed, we are. It's not everything, but will you not admit that as an actual person experiencing it and not a bystander
The impact multiplies tenfold
And you're all of a sudden, more willing to embrace that side of you that can break, that wishes and hopes not to, but does so anyway?

Do not say what you cannot embody;
Do so perhaps as advice but not an opinion,
That is hypocritical and selfish.


.
Still,
I suppose you're right.
It's not the end of the world even if it feels like it,

And I'll just continue feeling better one day, then worse the next.


(How are we capable of so much.. weakness, I don't know.)


But I suppose that's what makes us human,
I suppose that's a part of me regardless.









.
Exams start again on Friday,
We have that same speech competition held on a national scale for the semi-finals on Wednesday.
And there is much to do but I suppose I'll sort out the bitterness of my tears first.


I hope you aren't in this kind of a place-
I hope you get a good night's sleep free from arguments and vigorous anger.