Sunday, 1 February 2015

Should you wait?

You see her starting to indulge in the feeling of being loved
Nothing against that
In fact, you're happy that she has someone now

It's just... you haven't come into contact with this human even once
You haven't looked into his eyes for deceit and truth
You haven't seen the way he treats her and the others

You see her starting to follow him
You see the two of them sticking together
You haven't exactly talked to her but you sense it

The fact that you know she's lonely and craving for love doesn't help either
It just amplifies the fear you have for her

Does she like him for who he is?
Your nagging instinct tells you otherwise.

No,
No.
She likes the feeling of being loved
Of being cared for

This can be the start of a deep relationship if she's attracted to the feeling of being loved, and in return, see his soul and the flaws it's encompasses, and love it for what it is.
This can be the start of a deep relationship if he truly likes her for who she is, fears and complexities and all, and not just for her hobby which coincides with his interest.
Is it puppy love?
Is it a one-way street?

Should you tell her?

You say way too many ugly things. They can be hurtful.
Should you wait?
But you can sense it and the signs are getting stronger.
Should you wait?
You have convinced yourself to wait it out since you can't be sure. You have convinced yourself to just be there for her if she gets hurt.

Should you wait?
Yes, it's just the beginning.
No, you can see her starting to invest her heart in it.
Yes, you are thinking too much into the present as well as the future as per usual.
No, you would rather be hated than to cultivate a relationship with meaningless flattery and support her for something you fear would break her.
Yes, you are too afraid of losing her. You don't want to leave her alone. She will make herself alone if you say too much.
Yes, you have no facts about him and only understanding of her. You do not know them.

How ugly.
How ugly of you to see the ugly, think the ugly, and speak of the ugly.

Have you not freaked enough people out with your sudden boundaries and lines not to be crossed?
"Please don't touch me so much (too much) , I don't like it."
"Please don't hit me, only my parents have the right to. If, and only if, I caused you much pain, kill me. Kill me and I will accept it."
"Please respect my privacy, I will reveal it to you when the time is right. "
To only reveal the first part
And for only that to be enough to freak them out with your "over-reacting".
You get angry when these invisible lines are crossed, but you remain silent and laugh it off---and they never know until you mention it.
It takes a lot for you to mention it.
But when you do it, it never feels good. It never feels like a correct thing to do.

Be it exposing yourself or exposing others
You are equally bad at both

So
Should you wait?

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