Stress is healthy, and this is only impeding me in terms of energy and strength, not a general upsetting of moods.. But it probably will soon I don't hope.

People keep their public faces and private lives separate, that is a universally known fact.

Sometimes the gap between what they show and what they actually think is greater than is visible, and it's hard to guess correctly- I get that.

So it always amuses me: 'I think you should be more stressed.' and so on

I've always thought that I am extremely easy to read

Granted, you can't read people's lives from their faces, but you sure can catch glimpses of someone's hidden sides at certain moments, no? 

Humans are obvious that way,

But perhaps to some I'm not that open a book.

It surprised me that I surprised you with the fact that physically my body tells me when I get stressed- and I'm not proud of it, nor do I want to be wound so tightly. It is perhaps due to the inward panicking I do that isn't outward, that makes me appear like what I am not.

Right now,

I am sitting in bed,

Counting the minutes to when the day can begin- a rehearsal, a test, a dinner with a new group of people or a staged production of lord of the flies

Because I'd woken up at three instead of seven, just like how I usually wake up an hour before the alarm rings on days where deep down nerves are controlling my sleep pattern. I may not feel my heart rate accelerating, but I can blank out all of a sudden, or get diarrhea, or have fitful sleep and dreams full of tension. Most of all the loss of sleep is starting to frustrate me, since it's such an unproductive thing to do- just the other day I had to spend the rest of the day resting after the hike, and it's because I'd felt a fever coming.

Sigh.. I've ranted enough.

Not that it matters, but it still is a good thing that outwardly, people now see me as laid-back instead of the uptight one others used to think me as.

Meanwhile I am slightly worried about today

I had lost four hours of sleep after all.