https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2d1uNikZiqY
^The only off-putting thing about this was the constant, unnecessary sexualization of every single character and scene, but I guess after a while you get desensitized,
And bouncing body parts don't make you feel as disgusted anymore.
The soundtracks and plot is really good, so I suppose the anime does redeem itself.
.
We were shown '13th Documentary' the other day-
The thing about racism is that we all have a general idea of it having been terrible, but we don't know the individual stories, the exact events and acts of oppression,
And we don't feel for those people; we only think of them as history, or a part of a world long gone. We think of the brutality as something extinct, but that's only because of ignorance
And watching this documentary I was fed with so much knowledge about the past and the present,
That it all became a little too much.
I'm pretty sure someone like me can't articulate such an important issue well enough,
And documentaries aren't supposed to be bibles that dictate how we're supposed to think,
Only show what should be known,
But it did shed light on something that I wouldn't otherwise know about, if not for this documentary.
This world is complex, and beautiful in its intricacy,
But sometimes I can't help but feel like we have misused our intelligence for doing some absolutely brutal and unnecessary things; to come up with newer methods that exploit the loopholes in this world, to harm other groups of people, and for the real cruelty to lie in how a society's conditioning can lead to a majority that believes in lynching, in irrational hatred, and in inhumane actions, so much so that they fail to see how wrong and brutal it actually is.
I'm not saying it's right, or understandable-
I'm saying that it's depressing how being born in a different era gives you different ideals and morals, how it drives you to see something so ugly and unfair, as something that should be done, because that means that you and me would probably have done the same, and failed to see the wrongness of it.
The documentary does reveal how those issues persist even to today, and for that industry to be so deeply entrenched in the economy that it's extremely difficult to abolish,
Though that would require more reading on my part instead of mere reliance on a documentary,
And I just cannot begin to fathom why we should be such a young race on this planet, and yet try so so hard to kill each other off, for reasons that would otherwise seem illogical, even insignificant (can you imagine a yellow octopus bullying the red ones because of a certain form of hierarchy?) - if an outsider were to be fed the history that the world has gone through.
.
When it ended
And I could finally tear my eyes off of something I refused to stop watching,
The room filled with awkward laughter
And it became apparent that it was at me, for sobbing
Because no one else had the same reaction.
I didn't have tissues with me, and no one offered any,
And I'd just continuously wiped stuffs to the right side of the face-
I looked bad, and felt worse. I always do
Which is why I stay away from such documentaries,
And I often watch them alone, to learn, and to know.
Either way.. the judgment and stares made it seem like having such emotions is something to be ashamed of;
But really I was more surprised by how I was the only one, because more so than anger at the injustice, there was uncontrollable sadness at the way things happened.
I couldn't bear to watch certain parts,
And I couldn't bear thinking what it must have been like to go through those things, but that's just me, that's probably why I don't fit in, and probably never will.
Sorry for linking it back to me yeah.
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The other day someone came up to us, had her face scrunched up, and just started crying-
Five minutes of sympathy,
And I felt those feelings for her go away because
She'd literally collapsed to the ground and continued weeping,
Then refused to get a chair for herself-
Mind you, we were in a crowded canteen-
When I carried one over, right next to her, then told her to sit before she talked,
She.. refused
And I in my silly and awkward demeanour held onto her arm, and helped her into it
(On reflection, I shouldn't have- that is one of many stupid decisions of mine-)
And as the monologue ensued for what seemed like forever,
It became clear that she's wasn't weak, just whiny, all it took was a few words on her part,
And she wasn't hurt, just dramatic, and weepy
She didn't want to do anything about her situation, but she wanted her friend to comfort her, so her cries were unending and she talked in this falsetto voice whilst moving in a wriggly manner. (I mean becoming upright to say something inaudible- most of her words were inaudible even when she stopped crying- before slumping back down to cuddle her jacket, and pout)
I am harsh, because i absolutely detest those who are stubborn about remaining as victims, and who are unappreciative of those who help them, because later she'd retort and say things like 'why didn't you tell me what to say sooner?!'
And this friend of hers had been close with me when we were sixteen, so I did feel annoyance from that. Either way, this friend rage-ate and gave sound, succinct advice-
But all she did was go round in circles protecting the one that made her cry, with 'but I'm like that too, and you're___' extracting whatever nice sounding words she wanted to hear from this friend.
In the end
I'd looked at her in the eye, then said, 'I know you don't want to hear this, and it's harsh, but you need to stand up for yourself.'
I said some other stuffs, too
But she disliked it all and her face blackened, so that was that.
May I mention that she never once said thanks to her friend, only to criticise her for eating slowly because they'd not be as early to class?
May I mention that earlier on she literally fell off a chair and I'd helped her,
And I'm not saying she should buy me ten thousand palaces in appreciation,
But a word of thanks would have been nice- and that word just doesn't seem to exist in her vocabulary?
There is only one word to describe such humans, and that is annoying.
.
And then
I thought about why she'd pissed me off so.
Ahh, I thought.
It's because it's always the people like that who have
Herds and herds of friends, ready to be there for them, to rage-eat and give sound advice whilst you're there weeping on the floor,
It's always the people like that who get to weep and weep like it's a luxury and tactic
And not the kind of response that leaves your heart wrenched out and locked up,
The kind that prevents you from crying in front of people when it comes to issues about yourself, not documentaries or movies or the news,
The kind that comes from loneliness and in turn causes it,
The kind that you do alone, alone, alone.
Why is it that only such people are loved;
When we're taught that the best personalities earn it?
It's almost as though
The trashier you are inside,
The more companionship and love you get.
And that, is annoying.
If I opened up about every little thing, cried in public as much as this girl did,
And relied that much on everyone without saying thanks, consistently blaming others for things they shouldn't be faulted with-
Would I then
Not be in the situation that I'm in right now?
.
I need a break from people.
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