It's frightening.
It's scary
Cuz I had tried so hard to become that character, I felt heavy and drained.
The voice acting probably wasn't good enough in showing it,
But I felt it strongly and awoke with a deep sense of gloom I couldn't shake off.
Gloom from feeling that teeny bit of the character's darkness and inner conflicts.
There wasn't excitement in starting a new day.
I felt, a dark and heavy cloud of gloom.
And there was fear.
Fear that one wouldn't be able to get out of it.
Fear that if one got out of it for today, one wouldn't be able to do it well for tomorrow.
Fear that little things will make me depressed like they did today and I would hurt others with it.
A friend sensed it and was exceptionally nice.
She wasn't as demanding or argumentative in the usual funny/frustrating manner.
You then finally decided to tell her what was going on
It was scary because you would never have done such a thing.
It was scary because it would have sounded stupid and exaggerated even if it was true: "it's 'just acting', and you aren't even that talented. What kind of 'zone' are you talking about?"
Most people wouldn't have believed you.
Most people would have found it cringe-worthy and fake.
For once, you told a friend at school how you felt.
And it felt like a huge weight that got lifted off your shoulders, cliched as it is.
It felt weird,
But for once, you didn't remain silent and believe that no one would care enough to hear you out. For once, you didn't answer your own questions and make decisions in your head in silence. For once, you didn't tell mom first. And it felt... Very good.
Having a friend to tell you something like "Don't read the script so much. I like the current you better. Don't change and lose yourself, you annoying ball of sunshine."
(Dawwwwhhh you. Stahp it.)
It felt
Very good indeed.
It's scary
Cuz now I don't think I can read the script with tears again like last night
And since emotions are such a fragile thing,
Your acting wouldn't even scratch the surface.
But it's okay, because being the happy you is what's you
And acting should be a switch that you turn on and off at will,
Not something that you try so hard to get in you get stuck in it, fearing that if you made the conscientious decision to jump out of it, you would lose it entirely.
It should be a skill that's honed, that you have not the slightest inkling of yet.
Someone once said this to the club when I first joined:
"A good actor gets out of acting at will."
Or something along that line. :p
And so
I shall try my best,
But without making my family or friends worry about me.
Sorry in advance if I act terribly tomorrow, people (and that includes myself)
But I like me without Emily's darkness gnawing at my heart constantly
And that is most definitely the way to go instead of my initial decision.
After all,
I'm happy again.
And perhaps I can be arrogant and self-centered enough to say,
That that includes the people I love, too.
Here,
You, be happy too.
More cheerful music to calm the soul. :>
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