Indulgence

It's probably bad how much I'm crying these days.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still me but
There's a lot of anxiety and negativity in me that isn't usually there,
And I really really want pizza- have looked forward to the promise of it for months now, but that promise has gone unfulfilled time and time again, only to be renewed once every few days.

.
You know what,
I'm just gonna order it in myself-
Even if the only reason why I haven't still
is because it would be stretching the buck further if it were a one-for-one deal that I can't possibly finish alone
..and for the simple reason that food tastes better shared.

Thing is, the way I handle money makes it really difficult for me to make a decision like that- to spend twenty bucks on something I can't clear.

But, well, no one in this family cares about pizza enough.
They don't get that the ooey goodness is what life's all about.

I'm the middle child
But I may as well be that overexcited kid in the family that no one emphathiseswith.

God, the thought of that piping hot dish makes me feel almost desperate.

That will definitely make things better,
Because in this one month I have lost a little weight,
And I know it's first world problems or whatever,
But three kilos in one month is kinda scary if you think about it-
I haven't dieted once in my life and my skipped meals are finally having an impact...
(Seriously, what the hell am I doing to myself)
I've been really sad these days, and I don't want that.

This is when we need a little magic in our lives, ya know?
Magic in the form of pizza, and cheese.

I shouldn't harp on it anymore,
But the little things are really getting to me
I'm a bit of a mess
And I'm hoping that pizza changes all that because when I had to face those things at school the thought of 'at least there's pizza tonight' (or should have been according to sweet promises- yeah, my family has that habit) has honestly acted as my sole source of fuel.
Then it was disappointment almost every night
(told you, I'm not exactly grown up when it comes to this)

I am
this close to ordering pizza at midnight cuz I just wanna get rid of this feeling,
But Mom would probably set fire to it, or to me.