Privileges

A shame, you seemed an honest man.

We all have obligatory things we ought to do,
Be it to be a good person to someone dear,
Or to do something that in your mind is right.

And if you're gonna do something, you jolly well do it to the best of your ability.
That's what I believe in anyway, cuz it's a simple logic: You're doing it regardless, so you might as well put your heart into it and make it count.

I'm not sure if I should say this.

Okay, let's not be specific then.
I've put this off because of a couple of reasons,
And mainly because it makes me uncomfortable.
But it's correct to do so, and it'll make so many people happy.

And no, it's not some noble sacrifice; Call it family duty if you will.
I should have done it long ago, and I shouldn't have taken the free will I'd been given as a privilege to be indulged upon. When my parents don't force me into things, (and they never do), it's because they're loving and nice people.
They believe in giving choice, they believe in respect and freedom,
And they believe in me.
But I'd used it as an excuse; a reason to be selfish about my needs.

Truth is, there are times where you will have to do things that you don't necessarily feel comfortable about doing, but you do it anyway because it's right.
I do care, and I do feel, but we aren't close and it really does make me uncomfortable.
And there is guilt, guilt in that I can have compassion for others and yet run away from someone familial like that- even if we aren't on intimate terms.

And, well,
You really shouldn't give in too much to the excuses in your mind- It's a little too self-centred.
So in the end I did do it, and I did try to be sensitive about her needs and be careful.
It really saddened me to see her like that, and it occurred to me that I really ought to have done this much, much, earlier.

Ugh, I'm not good enough at heart am I.
If I were, I wouldn't have had these kinds of thoughts in the first place.


Some things, you just gotta do.
Don't be so heartless, me.