not without crying first.

I know,
I tried to ignore her.

But too much has happened in one day and I'm not sure if it's weak to cry and cry after something like this,
Or if I should have gone down without a fight, without trying to speak up for myself.

Ultimately, when one's grades are concerned
The ugly selfish side comes out.

The idea that my Friend and I worked on together-
She tells me that she'll die if I force her to take the bish's idea,
That since the idea originally came from her, she doesn't want to give it up.
That since I'm a good presenter I can't come before her, or it'll be terrible for her.

But the heart breaking thing was how you suddenly turned to claiming credit for yourself when that idea was something that is a product of you and me combining our separate ideas together, leading to me not having my own stuffs to present on now,
And that we had modified it together and you really can't just snatch it away indignantly like that.

You and the others decided that since I was 'good in presenting' and all that..
I can't take the idea that we worked on together and I can't come before any of you

Behind my back.
Now it is forced upon me and I can't go against it.

But I tried to convince you-
If I take the bish's idea, I'll have to interact with her, and she will intentionally withhold information and try to bring me trouble that way.
And the reason that you guys gave was way too hurtful-
How is it that my strong point has been used against me,
And you guys had decided it without my opinion.. at all?

Then, I accepted the bish's idea.
There was no way out even after I talked this out with you,
And you were starting to behave more and more Monster-like.

But it wasn't enough,
And you had to justify yourself and retain our friendship even after all that,
Say things like how the bish goes against you too because you side with me.

But,
You don't side with me.
You're out for yourself.
And now you want the best of both worlds?
Were you trying to claim credit for being noble, or simply being a Friend and becoming a target of hers?

Hey, what am I supposed to do.

Of course, when I asked the bish to explain to me her idea
It was exactly as precedented
And you weren't there, at all.

I spoke up for myself, I did
I told them all to stop talking behind my back and making decisions like that.
I told them to say anything to my face.
I told th m that this was really funny because all of it is so unnecessary,
And that I simply want to understand her idea but she isn't explaining it to me.


And you weren't there,
But I never expect my friends to do that for me.

I pick my own fights.
I fight them when I have to; I don't weep helplessly and wait for a knight on his horse.

So why then did you say things like you ' side ' with me?

If I had no expectations, you shouldn't be trying to get the credit for it all, and use it as a reason.

The thing is that after accepting that you'd in no scenario give in,
And that it was all incredibly unfair and selfish from you,
I cried.
I had to.

Because the way you said it and all,
There was no regard for me. Not one tiny pinch was there, and you know it.

yes I was being selfish too, and I said exactly that to you,
And I explained that this was putting me in trouble too because at least she'd explained her idea to you and she didn't even bother with me. We'd ended up arguing today, bish and me,  and she's turning the entire group against me.

But you didn't even listen to my reason.

It was just that you'd 'die', I'd 'force', 'make you the bad guy', and so on and so on.

Then,
I decided to suck it up.

This will be a challenge, then.

I will do the best that I can
And learn things from it.

Because if I manage to do it,
I'll have been pretty amazing, with a group like that and a Friend like you.

.
At least I got to know you better,
At least I finally got to see that one ugly side that I always knew was there because it's been two years and it was clear that if it came down to it, you'd step on people.

But how can you still try to act like the good person here?
That's what upsets me the most.

But somehow, when I look at you, I feel nothing.

Alone, though,
I have been crying.

I'm seventeen, I can deal.
I have already dealt with my emotions by writing this incoherent mess up here
So the next thing to do,
Is to deal with the actual work,
And to deal with you.

I'm seventeen,
I can deal.